OCPD cant win over an Empath

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sarahtinker

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OCPD cant win over an Empath
« on: April 27, 2017, 03:14:10 AM »
Hi all, I'm Sarah. Pretty new, not new, LOLOLOL. I've been married to my O CPD Husband for over 10 years but together total for 14. I already had a son before I met Hubby (still married). My oldest is now 15 and we had another son, he will be 8 in June. I was pretty young looking for a Daddy for my son because his Father went to prison (14 yrs. older than me) before he was even born. Hubby is what I will call him but he is also older, 6 years. Cant help myself, always liked older men but I have realized that that is a red flag.
  Knowing what I know now!!!! Naturally, people find mates their own age. Well, from my 2 experiences it seems like unstable males find younger girls because they don't know any better, just saying that I was that girl TWICE!!
   For years it was easy for him to win because I wasn't logically there yet but for about 7-8 years now I've been catching on. To a point now that I cant keep myself from laughing sometimes. Empath, Highly sensitive, sanguine, intuitive or whatever you want to call it, I have it. I clocked him early on, I could never verbally say it which was his argument but I knew something was not right. To add, I was raised by a silent father and a equally narcissistic mother so it was hard to see the red flags at first because I was used to the insidious abuse.
  I'm a very positive person, I have every reason to leave right now. He cheated impulsively with a 50 yr. old ex-co-worker, she happened to call him one evening and he had been drinking, she lost her husband to cancer 3 months prior. I woke up in the middle of night and his car is gone. 3 days later I figured out through the icloud (email) that he cheated. Don't worry, I went through 4 years of texts and emails to learn it was a 1 time thing.
  I was so ready to leave though, I thought that this was my get out of jail card. I explained to him that I was relieved because it hasn't been right for a while. I  said " I don't need you", that's when he started crying. After a couple hours of talking and agreeing on things, well let me just say that it will be 2 years in June since that night.
  I believe that that was the BIGGEST  PUSH and PULL.
    It was so random and without a doubt no warning on my part (that's what scares me the most) We were actually prepping our house for the big move from FL to VA, 2 months away from them.
   Well now that we are in Va its been different. Again, I'm positive and always want to find the positive and opportunities in everything. He has been drinking a lot more and has had mishaps that have influenced our life. I've already warned him that the next emotional blow will be the end of us.
  I'm a Christian so... The 2 months that we had left in Fl I took my Marriage Counselor/Pastor co-worker on his free offer for counseling sessions. We saw him once a week for an hour until we moved. He was awesome, I saw that Hubby listened and cried once or twice. HE works in mysterious ways. The same counselor is coming to our house once a week because they moved to Va, they where called to help a local church out.
   I'm not here to dig and disrespect, I'm here to educate, teach, learn and not feel alone.
   I already presented Hubby with a presentation from an article about OCPD and cross referenced it with our experiences.
I must say though, when I stumbled across OOTF, it felt more real.
 
More to come  ;D
   
 

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: OCPD cant win over an Empath
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2017, 10:05:21 AM »
Welcome to Out of the FOG and it sounds like you've been dealing with this for quite a few years. Also sounds like your husband is open to treatment and is aware  he has a problem which is good and you might find this link helpful
http://www.outofthefog.website/treatment/

Over on the chosen relationship committed to working on it board you will find others in similar circumstances to you dealing with PD persons yet committed to staying in the relationship.

If you haven't seen it already you may find the Toolbox at the top of the Forum helpful for ways to cope and manage the situation.

Welcome to Out of the FOG and wishing you peace.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is the key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
If others were self observant, introspective, this forum would not exist

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sarahtinker

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Re: OCPD cant win over an Empath
« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2017, 03:17:42 PM »
Thank You very much for the resources and support.