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« on: May 05, 2017, 11:13:28 PM »
I'm so utterly exhausted with my UDPD mom. I hardly even have the energy to write out more than this for a post.

I'm struggling with a lot my own issues unrelated to my mom (or linked only slightly), and due to these issues (trauma related stuff) I cant support myself financially to live on my own. It's become so difficult to even wake up, let alone text a friend anymore. And I am in therapy, which helps, but living in the same house as her its extremely difficult.

I continue to assert my boundaries, and my mom continues to breach or mock them. I continue to approach her with positivity or neutrality, to be knocked back down with pessimism, insults, and passive aggression. I wish I knew how to turn on my switch to just "ignore her" like so many people suggest.

I am only living with her for 3 more months, but I'm not sure how to handle this on my own anymore, especially since my brother moved out.

I would appreciate any words of support or tips that might have helped someone in a similar situation. Thanks



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Re: Exhaustion
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2017, 05:47:44 AM »
Since you have a definite end to your situation you might remind yourself that this will pass. Only three more month....Also check out the TOOLBOX you might find some strategies there.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.



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Re: Exhaustion
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2017, 07:09:46 AM »
What an awful situation...my M mocks my boundaries too...it's so horrid. I'm fortunately not living with her though. I suggest you do everything you can to support yourself - meditation, exercise, yoga, good diet - until you move out. Focus on nurturing yourself. Spend as much time away from her as possible, and if you are too tired to go out absorb yourself in something. You could even have headphones in and listen to music to block her out. If you have any religious/spiritual leanings then praying or something might help give you some emotional support too.



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Re: Exhaustion
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2017, 10:00:28 AM »
Getting out of the house is certainly key, and I understand you have a hard time getting out of bed right now, could you still somewhere scrape the motivation together to go for a walk every day? It gets you out of the house, and I often do a lot of thinking on walks, so it might help with processing. The fresh air, looking at a tree also always helps me.

Ignoring the onslaught is really hard if it is constant like in your case. As your positive comments only seem to get you ridicule and attacks, why not keep them to yourself and reduce your conversations with her to the absolute minimum? Make yourself as small a target as you possibly can?

Something else, could you volunteer somewhere? Soup kitchen, pet shelter, local church, anything - it will get you out of the house and you will feel seen, appreciated, valued, which might be a perfect antidote to what you are going through with your M. Again, I understand you have a hard time right now getting out of bed, it might be worthwhile trying. Sometime when we feel at our lowest, giving to others can raise our spirits.
You'll get through this!
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)



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Re: Exhaustion
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2017, 04:38:41 PM »
Are you alone with your mother all day?  Does she follow you around and watch you constantly or keep to herself?

Do you have transportation?   A car, a bicycle,  public transportation?   Are you able to get to a public library, coffeeshop,  public park, a mall,etc?

Try to get away from the house as much as you can.  Go for a long walk, or if you live near shops, offer to walk to the shops to pick up a prescription, or small item you can carry.  Try saying you are walking a lot to save the environment, save on gas and free up the car for your family, you want to get more exercise.

Can you offer to do chores around the house that your mother doesn't like and gets you away from her?  Like yard work, cleaning something in a remote part of the house that smells awful or is messy?  Even sitting in the basement reading while you do laundry can be a haven from being nagged half to death.