Flying Monkey #3

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broken

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #20 on: April 29, 2017, 03:51:19 AM »
Amazing that your NF ignored your communication, but now is directing his secretary to shake you down for a reply to his.  Narcissists tend to hold others to a higher standard than they hold themselves. 

Just my humble opinion, but maybe he doesn't deserve a reply.  Maybe he needs to wonder weather or not his dutiful adult child is going to walk thru that door at his big event to keep up the appearance of a shiny, happy family.  You know, the way you patiently waited for him. 

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Afterthefox

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #21 on: April 30, 2017, 02:05:38 PM »
Thank you all your advice.

I think I will respond directly to the original invitation with a decline. And I will ignore the questions the secretary has asked in her follow up email.
However, I do feel that I would like to say something to create a boundary around her hoovering.

Is that a good idea? Or would it stir the hornet's next?
Is it wiser to just drop the rope and walk away?





"Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone." - Alan Watts

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #22 on: April 30, 2017, 10:10:34 PM »
This one: "wiser to just drop the rope and walk away" and ignore the hoover completely.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
my Empowered Growth blog

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Afterthefox

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #23 on: May 01, 2017, 01:03:43 AM »
Thank you Spring Butterfly  :)
"Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone." - Alan Watts

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Afterthefox

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #24 on: May 04, 2017, 01:14:15 PM »
It has been a week since I received the last Flying Monkey email and I have been pondering it each day, still feeling unsure.

I am feeling guilty for ignoring my BPD father's secretary's questions, and I feel obligated to respond with a short email that sets a boundary regarding communication with a third party. And then I can put this all behind me. But I know that it is not healthy to engage with triangulation whatsoever. Yet I feel differently about it each day.  :stars:

I suppose I am writing this instead to distract myself from the impulse to respond.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2017, 01:17:09 PM by Afterthefox »
"Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone." - Alan Watts

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kayjewel

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #25 on: May 04, 2017, 09:06:31 PM »
Well, remember, the O and G in "FOG" stand for guilt and obligation.  ;)
There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
-- C. G. Jung

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Shockwave

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Re: Flying Monkey #3
« Reply #26 on: May 06, 2017, 05:27:15 AM »
Terichan, you also hit the nail on the head and clearly know the narcissist's self-honouring gala routine.

It is an event at which he will be honoured, organized by himself and his secretary. I have attended many of them in the past and from experience I feel like 'wallpaper' at these events - a piece of evidence that he is a normal, functioning human being, with mature, respectable children.


Yes! This is absolutely a thing they do, all the more humiliating/ridiculous for everyone else involved when the person being honored isn't even them, but they act like it is...I will never forget when I got an advanced degree and the PD mom threw me a "graduation party" that involved inviting a bunch of people I don't know but she does so she could say things like, and I quote "Can you believe I raised a daughter with a Master's degree? I mean I really did it!"

The same damn thing happened to me too! Ugh.  They all operate out of the same playbook. 
"Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A Dark Knight."
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