Harassment and stalking by your coparent?

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swishy

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Harassment and stalking by your coparent?
« on: May 01, 2017, 02:05:01 PM »
Hello all, how are you?! Its been a while.
My ex, who knows what he is, but is a potpourri of all the PDs..... We live in a liberal county where unless you are a violent criminal everyone gets 50/50 period. We are a little over 2 years out - he took an out of state job which means he is out of the state during his noncustodial time. He has reported me to variety of "boards" which has not resulted in anything (because I've done nothing wrong), the usual money haggling (blessedly the least of my problems), given up 20-30% of his time to me re: work and gf travels, alienated kids from me (nothing blatant my young child will directly rat him to therapist on but shows all signs), has/is tampering with my email and our communication, has written spooky messages in my driveway, had our daughter let him into my home, etc etc. It makes me sounds crazy to list it all because I have no firm proof. We have a PC who is helpful in that she keeps him from completely mowing me over but otherwise its in ways made things worse because he has someone new to perform for and manipulate. I respond blandly and within a sentence or two, but with a PC, going no contact is not an option. She is very experienced with this type of personality but consistency in her communication is a huge weakness so going strictly through her could be a great way for him to get her fired as he has already tried.
The latest is because of a newish, shockingly supportive job and his 1/2 time absence, I was trying to move a few school districts away to be close to my job, my supportive and immensely helpful bf and his fam, and as a result he has not only moved into the kids current district (to look like a hero saving them from change) but 2 blocks away from my home I was trying to get away from. Now my therapist, my childs' therapist and PC are telling me I cannot win to leave the area (a 55 min drive away) as a result of his response. Had he not moved it was almost sure fire that I would succeed if he took me to court.
I did not file a restraining order nor get an emergency custody order early in our separation as a result of counseling that with a potentially dangerous person things may escalate. I wonder if I should have? But also wonder if things would have been worse since at the time I was living off credit cards, had no real credibility or documentation of his antics, or worse off hurt badly. That said, am I resigned to playing by his rules the rest of my life? What resources in a liberal pro-dad area are there for parents in my situation? How do you get peace and freedom? You can't go back and yet I feel hopeless and powerless to live my own life. Thanks in advance.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2017, 02:32:24 PM by swishy »

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Re: Harassment and stalking by your coparent?
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2017, 03:47:40 AM »
That sounds awful. Can you set up a nanny cam and get enough proof of the stalking to file a restraining order? It's always hard to know how they'll react though you know it will be somewhere between rage and extra super rage.

I'm also in a 50/50 area. My attorney said that when the time comes to change that it will be very important to have a journal that shows how much of the care I've actually been doing and documenting his craziness. Overnights are particularly important.

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swishy

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Re: Harassment and stalking by your coparent?
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2017, 09:04:04 AM »
I actually have a security system installed with recording cameras. The problem is keeping up with him - he will do something then change his pattern.
I don't know about you but I have been completely overwhelmed by the poison my kids relay and the *volume* of communication from him  - whats important and whats not. My childs therapist gave me an immensely helpful suggestion: print out a calendar (I printed a month per sheet) and jot a note on the days when kids relay harmful info/badmouthing/brainwashing. On those calendars I also highlight in pink the days their dad has given up.
Of course now that my attorney helped him by pointing out all of his shortcomings (giving up 30% time, missing therapy, trying to sabotage me) now he is on a sickening role of looking like the hero. I suppose that will take another 6-12 mos to peter out....