What does hijacking a thread mean?

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Adria

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What does hijacking a thread mean?
« on: May 05, 2017, 10:08:20 AM »
What does it mean to hijack a thread?

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Seichan

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2017, 10:12:58 AM »
When someone writes about their own stuff without reference to the thread starter. Easily done!

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Adria

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2017, 10:19:58 AM »
Thank you Seichan.  I think I may be guilty of that.  I guess when someone writes back to me a familiar story of their own, I feel not as lonely in it all. Therefore,  I think I do the same, so others don't feel like they are the only ones. Eeek! Glad I asked. 

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moglow

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2017, 10:29:28 AM »
Sharing a familiar/similar experience, how you felt, what you did, etc is fine. Taking a random sentence from another post in a thread, and starting a whole other conversation (usually with someone other than the original poster) is not. When something like that hits you, always feel free to start your own thread on the subject.  :bigwink:
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WeAreAllATadBitBroken

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2017, 11:16:17 AM »
i'm guilty of hijacking sometimes, i've gone back on threads and re-read my reply at a later date/time and then i see that i focused on my own story more than responding to or discussing what the OP (opening poster's) wrote.

it's hard when you are going through the toughest time of life and high stress, to focus on much other than that negativity.

gives me no excuse for the hijacking i know i have done though.  the other day i thought of this, how i've done it and must stop.  nobody has mentioned anything directly to me about it yet, but thank you Adria for discussing here.

and for the hijacking i've done i apologize to all on this forum that i have done that to.   
I know now there is no bargaining with the PD- because via research and experience you learn that when you deal with PD you sure aren't getting a bargain!

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Adria

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2017, 11:32:59 AM »
I am sorry too.

Sometimes, I think it is so freeing to understand it's not just you, or your not the only one, that it drags up so much emotion with many things you have forgotten or tried to shove away that you want to get it out as well, but like you have said, that is when you start your own posts. 

Thank you so much for your replies.  Now that I know what it is, I will try to be more aware of it. 

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Bloomie

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2017, 12:53:58 PM »
Adria - really love that you are asking this question and thankful for the discussion here. I wanted to add couple of things - another way I have seen a thread hijacked is when two or more members (other than the original poster of the thread - OP) start a back and forth conversation in the middle of another member's thread and take over the thread. Sometimes it is really tempting and tricky to engage in a back and forth and is hard navigate that when someone initiates that with us, but I try to remember how vulnerable and hurting we all are and how often we have all been invalidated irl and it helps me to stay focused on the OP.

Often times another member's thread/post will be something we can so closely identify with that we are moved by it and want to share our insights and similar experiences. It is always okay to both offer support and validation for the OP and to start your own thread.  That way you can share and receive support as well, and everyone is respected and gets their needs met and moment in the sun to be supported and cared for.
« Last Edit: May 05, 2017, 01:04:14 PM by Bloomie »

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gary

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2017, 12:56:29 PM »
Hi Adria

 Just my own view on hijacking.

  First I think it's pretty common in an ongoing conversation that an item comes up and all of a sudden that takes off in it's own direction. So in that respect no one has done anything wrong or needs to apologize for anything.

What does get me is like if I'm having a brew with someone and it's obvious that the two of us are engaged in a conversation and a person walks up and just starts talking to one of us without saying, "excuse me." first. When that happens that way I'll listen then get back to my first conversation. if that person persist then it's up to me weather to allow it or say something about like, " Get back to me later I'm having a conversation with Joe right now."

 How I handle it here as being the author of the thread I usually don't care if it winds off into a new direction and many times welcome it and being the author if I did mind would say something myself. So myself I make the call weather it's being highjacked or not and first my responsibility to keep it on track if that's what I want.

If they won't cease then I would contact a mod to send them a private message to inform them.

It's just for me not something that happens a lot... LOL I probably get ignored more than interrupted  ;)
« Last Edit: May 05, 2017, 01:07:58 PM by gary »
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Foreignwoman

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2017, 08:31:05 PM »
Interesting, when you notice hijacking, it is a good motivator to encourage people to make their own thread.
 I one time had two people hijacking my thread. I found that triggering, because they went on and on about something, ignoring me. Triggering, since that is what my FOO did and the topic was important to me and as a result I noticed others were more afraid to open up in the thread than before.
Accidentally the Administrator who posted in this same thread, noticed it too and said something about that in the thread.
It's hard to say something about it when you're not a moderator though. So that is when you can inform the mods, but you don't want to be a tattletale, so it's delicate.

FW

« Last Edit: May 05, 2017, 08:35:56 PM by Foreignwoman »
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moglow

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2017, 09:58:14 PM »
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It's hard to say something about it when you're not a moderator though. So that is when you can inform the mods, but you don't want to be a tattletale, so it's delicate.

That "report to moderator" function is a great tool in situations like this. Anonymous, behind the scenes, and the moderators can take care of it without disrupting the thread.
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

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Adria

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2017, 04:18:34 PM »
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and great information.   The last thing any of us wants to do is dismiss or invalidate someone by taking over their thread.  It sounds like it can be a fine line in some instances.  All good points to keep in mind. 

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2017, 10:24:27 AM »
The guidelines under the subheading Giving Advice encourages us to share our experiences. It's always helpful to me to hear of others similar experiences. It helps me not feel so alone and to know that others understand. it's what drew me to this forum in the first place. With wide eyes I was just amazed it's not just me and it was such a help to understand it's a lifetime pattern of abuse and not just isolated incidents as I had always thought they were.

When posting my experiences for others I try to include why I'm sharing this with them, how it relates to their experience. I don't always remember to do that but I try. Sometimes when I really identify with the post I can get on a bit of a roll and perhaps over share because it's like running into someone who has similar taste in music and it just clicks with me. It's always my hope something in my experience brings some peace to my fellow members journey. That's how I picture this place, like we're walking a really rough hiking trail and we nod or cheer each other on or extend a hand for a boost up or post a sign to let others know rough terrain ahead or take extra water for the ascent back up from the canyon floor.  ;D 
« Last Edit: May 08, 2017, 10:27:08 AM by Spring Butterfly »
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Spring Butterfly

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2017, 10:24:43 AM »
As a side point from the guidelines on hijacking
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Our individual thoughts and ideas are important to each of us. However, please try not to "hijack" the threads of others by changing the subject. Posts should be targeted to the subject matter introduced by the originator of the thread. You are welcome to introduce new ideas or topics by starting a separate thread. Conversations within a thread will often evolve and develop, and this is a healthy process that can help members come to a deeper understanding of the topic at hand. However, when someone responds to a serious thread with an unrelated post which is mainly about themselves, an unrelated topic, or with a response that essentially derails the conversation, it is considered hijacking. Do not hijack others' threads. If you feel another poster has hijacked your thread, tell us, using the "Report to Moderator" function located at the bottom of the post you wish to report.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
my Empowered Growth blog

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Adria

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Re: What does hijacking a thread mean?
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2017, 10:54:32 AM »
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It's always my hope something in my experience brings some peace to my fellow members journey.

Thank you SB.  That is always my hope too. I always feel greatly understood when I read someone else's stories that are similar to mine and hope the same for others visa versa.  Because of the sharing of stories, this is the first place I've ever felt understood while enduring this lonely road. It's almost like putting your arm around someone and saying, I've been there, it's okay.

Thank you for the guideline tips. I will go back and reread.