How is NC different from "silent treatment"

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Kovera

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Re: How is NC different from "silent treatment"
« Reply #40 on: May 16, 2017, 05:20:22 PM »
Lots of internet discussion and articles indicate that the "silent treatment" is a form of abusive control.

How is going No-Contact with someone different from giving them the silent treatment?  Why is this acceptable?

No contact and silent treatment are two very different things IMO:

The silent treatment is given with the intention to control, manipulate or otherwise punish someone from a PD's perspective. With the silent treatment, they do it expecting you to come crawling back and give in to their abusive tactic, begging to know why they won't communicate. They do it wanting to see you writhe with psychological pain, a very twisted way to try and manipulate someone.

No contact is done out of self respect, refusing to tolerate anymore abuse in one's life. Unfortunately, no contact is sometimes seen as "silent treatment" by many who do not understand or recognize one's reasons for doing so, especially by the people who support the PD. No contact, when done for your own safety and sanity, is not the silent treatment it is a serious decision to stop further mistreatment and purge the dysfunction so one can heal & move on with their life after years of serious abuse. I've noticed that some PD's even try and turn the tables by acting as if they are the ones who chose no contact, when in fact many of their victims simply had enough and walked away.

I personally chose no contact. I'll bet my family claims I'm doing it to be "dramatic" and make my mother look bad. The way I see it, they can think whatever they want, I know I cannot control people's thought or opinions, nor do I desire to. I hold strong in my decision, their words don't dictate my life. I've chosen NC for my own peace, not because I want to cause harm or manipulate anyone. No contact is the final stance I took in saying no more to their abuse... which I'm pretty certain is still occurring as they covertly slander my name to extended family and friends, but all that has done is shown me who I can really trust and who truly cares about my wellbeing. This opened up many doors for healthy, positive relationships, which is helping me heal and know what genuine friendships/family feel like. I've noticed the more I stay firm and refuse to initiate contact with them, the healthier I become mentally. NC was my gateway to freedom  :)


« Last Edit: May 16, 2017, 05:24:02 PM by Kovera »

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Beverlee

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Re: How is NC different from "silent treatment"
« Reply #41 on: May 18, 2017, 08:59:27 AM »
I have often thought of the similarities between my BPDf and a feral animal.

Unsocialized, aggressive, unapproachable, anti-social, defensive, self-serving, avoidant, individualistic.

Recently, I used the very apt 'feral animal' description with someone dealing with a similar dynamic in their circle. They seemed to be able to relate.