I messed up bad and yelled at my mom

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Dinah-sore

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I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« on: May 12, 2017, 11:02:52 PM »
I am kind of a mess right now. I am better than I was earlier, but I feel so ashamed. This morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I was hit with some really bad news that was pretty scary for both my BPDm and myself. I was worried and upset about it. And we were talking on the phone. My voice must have sounded like I was yelling because she started yelling at me to not yell at her. I wasn't yelling at her, and I felt bad that she thought I was. So I apologized and told her I wasn't yelling at her, I was just upset about the situation. But she was talking over my repeated apology and then she started trying to make me feel bad. She kept saying in a crying voice, "When you go through hard things, I don't yell at you. I can't believe you are using this to yell at me." I was exasperated. I hadn't yelled at her, and I had apologized for sounding like I was, and I was trying to tell her that the last thing I wanted to do was add to her stress and worry. But she wasn't listening, and I was so upset. Not just because the situation had me super worried, but that she was accusing me of making it worse and being hurtful to her. So then I did yell at her.  :-[ I yelled in a mean voice, "I already said I was sorry!" and then I hung up. But I immediately texted her an apology for being so out of line and yelling at her, explaining that I don't want to call her back because I am afraid it will upset her more, but when she is ready to talk I am very very sorry. And that I am just so worried about her problem.

I got to work this morning and I could barely function. Terrible headache, shakey, anxious. I called my husband to tell him what happened. And we discussed it. This is totally out of character for me. I only yelled at one other person and that was after being harassed by a sex offender in public for 45 minutes and then being told by a family member that I am the problem in the situation and he was just being friendly (I am related to the sex offender). I yelled shut up to the family member who told me that I was just being paranoid. I know it is wrong. But the adrenaline of the situation was intense. The guy was growling at me and running in circles around my car. So I was scared and at my wits end, by the time others in the family showed up.

That was a little backstory to explain how I am.

I think the thing that bothers me is the intense shame. And also the fear of having the "talk" where she gets to sit and tell me for a LONG time how much I hurt her, and how bad I should feel, and how she doesn't treat me like that. etc. And then I wonder if the fact that I don't want to listen to that means that I am not really sorry. Or if it means that I do enough of a job making myself feel bad, I don't need extra help.

And right before Mother's Day.  :doh:

The LAST thing I wanted to do was make her feel worse. I was worried for her. I still am.

Do you think the fact that I have been on here, identifying patterns, etc. that there is some stuff going on inside me, bubbling under the surface? Does my reaction mean I am handling this knowledge poorly? Or that I am still processing it? Or that I am acting like a PD?

"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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Dinah-sore

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2017, 12:34:28 AM »
I finally talked to her this evening and she was okay with me, she sounded tired and quieter than normal, but she said she just wanted to put it behind us. For which, I was grateful. I am not sure if she will bring it up at a later date and I will have to "pay for it" then? I don't want to presume that will happen, just wondering because of past experiences. It is possible. I hope it really is behind us.

Especially since she is acting lately like I am rejecting her when I don't join in with the gossip...

 :-\

I am so embarrassed. I am so disappointed in myself. I am not trying to make excuses or minimize what I did.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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Blueskies

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2017, 05:40:01 AM »
My first impression of the situation is that she has you emotionally dancing like a puppet. (sorry if that's too harsh - I just recognise my relationship with my M in your story)

a) you had not shouted initially so you did not HAVE to apologise or feel guilty - the fact youo did shows you were being amenable
b) you apologised and she kept going and guilt tripping - that is enough to make anyone snap. I wouldn't feel too bad about it.
c) these 'talks' where she tells you how awful you are and how hurt she is...hmmmm - sounds like her getting her narcissistic fix on. Don't like the sound of that at all. The shaming/blaming/guilt trips are something my uBPM does well - personally I've had enough.

Could be some enmeshment going on - you don't have to accept her (probably distorted) view of things, or responsibility for her emotions. You certainly don't have to be subjected to regular dressings down about how horrid you are. Sounds like you are rather at the mercy of your M's emotions.

Don't beat yourself up - everyone snaps...especially when pushed too far. Anger guards your boundary and she was pushing it. Getting off the phone was a good thing to do too.

Oh and the thing about how she doesn't treat you like that! Sounds like she is hurting you plenty. Playing the victim seems very common for PD individuals - it drives me nuts! Hope this forum can help you deal with this dysfunctional dynamic she has you caught in - some good boundaries would be a start. I know how painful this is!

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2017, 08:15:00 AM »
Dinah, I'm really glad it worked out in the end. Blue skies already gave you some real spot-on thoughts. I just like to reinforce the fact that even though you did not owe an apology in the first time you did so because this person's feelings were hurt. An apology when extended guess either accepted or rejected. Instead you were drive to round in circles for further punishment until the person that you had "suffered" enough for them to let go.

Additionally this person continue to poke and poke and poke at you until yes Being Human you finally lost it. When one person continues to push and poke and another person the best thing to do is disengage which is exactly what you did. There's no reason to feel guilt at this engaging and choosing to walk away from a circular argument where you are getting beat over the head and poked at verbally. If this were a physical confrontation instead of verbal your choices are to stand there and continue to get beat up or to walk away or yes, to hit the other person to make them stop. It's no different with a verbal confrontation. You tried to push the other person away and they wouldn't stop so you walked away.

If in the future this is brought up and further punishment is attempted it would seem reasonable to Simply respond by saying something like 'I already apologized and either my apology is accepted or it is rejected but I see no reason to drag this out further' and if she won't let it go then to say the conversation is over.

I'm really sad for you that you went through this and then it still waiting on your mind as potential future ammunition. Relationships should not be that way or how that level of anxiety. Hoping you find a bit of Peace today.
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Dinah-sore

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2017, 03:47:46 PM »
My first impression of the situation is that she has you emotionally dancing like a puppet. (sorry if that's too harsh - I just recognise my relationship with my M in your story)

a) you had not shouted initially so you did not HAVE to apologise or feel guilty - the fact youo did shows you were being amenable
b) you apologised and she kept going and guilt tripping - that is enough to make anyone snap. I wouldn't feel too bad about it.
c) these 'talks' where she tells you how awful you are and how hurt she is...hmmmm - sounds like her getting her narcissistic fix on. Don't like the sound of that at all. The shaming/blaming/guilt trips are something my uBPM does well - personally I've had enough.

Could be some enmeshment going on - you don't have to accept her (probably distorted) view of things, or responsibility for her emotions. You certainly don't have to be subjected to regular dressings down about how horrid you are. Sounds like you are rather at the mercy of your M's emotions.

Don't beat yourself up - everyone snaps...especially when pushed too far. Anger guards your boundary and she was pushing it. Getting off the phone was a good thing to do too.

Oh and the thing about how she doesn't treat you like that! Sounds like she is hurting you plenty. Playing the victim seems very common for PD individuals - it drives me nuts! Hope this forum can help you deal with this dysfunctional dynamic she has you caught in - some good boundaries would be a start. I know how painful this is!

Thank you for your comment. <3 Yes, I do think there is enmeshment. I was sitting in my car at work on the phone with my husband and I was trying to work through my feelings. I definitely carry her emotions and own them as right. I was telling my husband if I could choose to not punish myself for this. Choose to be sorry,  I said sorry, I don't want to behave that way in the future or make excuses, but I felt like I need to choose to be okay with myself, for being human and messing up, even if she wouldn't be okay with that.

Then that made me think of my NMIL, she never feels bad for what she does---and I don't want to be like that.

But I think it is different, BECAUSE I actually care. I don't know.

But I do need to separate from her emotions and her beliefs about my behavior, and take responsibility for my own emotions and choices. I can choose to be good to myself and kind and merciful to myself, as I grow.

I was watching a TV show last night and there was a woman who was in the middle of a huge life decision, and her dad who is pretty bossy was telling her what she needed to do (which seemed like what society would consider the right thing, even though the alternative was not immoral or illegal). She chose to make her own decision. And it dawned on me that I have never done that. I have always given in to her advice, because it seems like the socially acceptable "right" thing to do. I have felt like anything else would make me "bad" or "selfish" or "talked about." 
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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Dinah-sore

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2017, 03:56:04 PM »
Dinah, I'm really glad it worked out in the end. Blue skies already gave you some real spot-on thoughts. I just like to reinforce the fact that even though you did not owe an apology in the first time you did so because this person's feelings were hurt. An apology when extended guess either accepted or rejected. Instead you were drive to round in circles for further punishment until the person that you had "suffered" enough for them to let go.

Additionally this person continue to poke and poke and poke at you until yes Being Human you finally lost it. When one person continues to push and poke and another person the best thing to do is disengage which is exactly what you did. There's no reason to feel guilt at this engaging and choosing to walk away from a circular argument where you are getting beat over the head and poked at verbally. If this were a physical confrontation instead of verbal your choices are to stand there and continue to get beat up or to walk away or yes, to hit the other person to make them stop. It's no different with a verbal confrontation. You tried to push the other person away and they wouldn't stop so you walked away.

If in the future this is brought up and further punishment is attempted it would seem reasonable to Simply respond by saying something like 'I already apologized and either my apology is accepted or it is rejected but I see no reason to drag this out further' and if she won't let it go then to say the conversation is over.

I'm really sad for you that you went through this and then it still waiting on your mind as potential future ammunition. Relationships should not be that way or how that level of anxiety. Hoping you find a bit of Peace today.

Thank you so much for your comment. Last night after I posted this topic, a few hours later, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. That everyone here would think I am a PD, and I started to feel afraid. The fact that you said, "Being Human, you finally lost it." really blew my mind. I know in my head that humans respond sometimes like this. But for some reason, I feel like if I do it, I am going to be thrown away, or rejected. I feel emotional just typing this. The realization, that I have not felt okay to be normal, that I have lived denying my emotional responses, so that when I have one, I am afraid that everyone will reject me.

Your comments are so helpful for me. I feel like I can see things more clearly, realistically, and truthfully-- where yesterday everything was clouded by shame and guilt and fear.  :stars:

Thank you also for telling me that I don't have to "pay for it" if she wants to bring it up in the future. I don't want to have hurt her, but that doesn't necessarily give her license to punish me, or try to make me feel worse about it.

Thank you so much.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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Terichan

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2017, 08:56:17 PM »
Dinah, i'm glad you're feeling better about this already, and that people here can help. Your post struck me because this is the way I grew up with my uBPD mother, too -- it took me a long time to see it, but I realized my whole life, my mother was allowed to get angry at me, yell at me, hit me (by spanking with hands, wooden spoons, flyswatters), act disgusted with me, rage at me, glare at me, stalk away from me -- all that was fine for HER to do to ME, because obviously I deserved it. But God forbid I EVER got the tiniest bit angry at HER, then all hell would break loose, and I'd be in more trouble than ever. Your post sounded just like I used to feel if I dared to get angry at uBPDm. Guilty, horrible, bad, upset, ashamed, you name it I felt it.

I finally realized that it was, actually, OKAY for me to get angry at her sometimes. I'm not perfect but neither is my mother and sometimes she did things that made me angry. It's normal in human relationships, it's not the end of the world, and getting angry does not make you a horrible person. It took me a long time to realize that, and to quit feeling like the world's worst person for expressing the teeniest bit of anger toward my mother (or anyone, for that matter.) 

I mean, it's not like you lost it and screamed at her for an hour straight, you didn't hit her, or threaten to kill her, or run her over with your car... all you did was... yell. On the phone. One time. Perhaps for the first time in your entire life. Because she did something that made you angry. And that's all that happened. The end.

Sure, she didn't like it, but you haven't committed a grievous sin you're going to have to "pay for" the rest of your life. And you've already apologized, to boot. (I wonder, how many times has she apologized to you when she's gotten angry? If your mother is like my mother, pretty much never... because I always deserved my mother's anger, see? She was RIGHT!) 

If your mother tries to bring it up and use it like a weapon again, tell her to knock it off. Say (or just think it to yourself, you don't have to say it out loud) something like "Yeah, I got angry at you. You made me mad. I've also apologized for yelling. That's the end of it, get over it. If you keep harping on it, this conversation is over/I'm leaving the room/etc." or some variation thereof.

Stop beating yourself up for daring to show a smidge of anger to your mother. Our mothers trained us that getting angry at them wasn't ok... but it actually is. Anger can be used to protect ourselves, and if we don't let it get out of hand, it's actually healthy to feel it and even show it to the person who made us feel angry.

 :bighug:
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raindrop

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2017, 10:24:32 PM »
Dinah I love how much you're learning through your self reflecting on this and every one's comments. It is an amazingly freeing realisation to have that you are allowed to be angry. Don't worry, you aren't PD! And I think this is a place where no one will ever shame you or demand you repress your emotions or rights.
I think I have a few issues around this too so reading this thread is also really helpful for me!
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"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
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daughterofbpd

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2017, 04:55:34 AM »
Hi Dinah,
My mother has screamed at me and said some really awful things to me in the past, over some very minor issues. It takes a lot for me to raise my voice or spew out a snarky comment, which is the worst I've done to retaliate. I've done it a few times (that I can recall). I felt bad about myself after, partly because she basically told me I was a terrible person for doing that but I think I believed her because deep down I know that isn't how I want to act. However, I also consider that (1) she pushed and pushed me until I got to that breaking point and I think she did it on purpose to get a reaction out of me & cause drama (so can you really blame me for losing my cool?) (2) I never said anything that wasn't true. This always happened when she was raging - she was screaming at me and I raised my voice a small amount and made a snarky (but true) comment (not even a hurtful comment just accusatory) so I don't think this warrants an apology, as I didn't feel I was really sorry (even though I wasn't proud of my behavior).

Everyone loses their cool from time to time. I wouldn't blame you if you got in an all out yelling match with your mother! We're just human, it happens. Are you supposed to just sit there and get yelled at and not get angry, youself? If there is a certain aspect of your behavior that bothers you, feel free to apologize. But then leave it at that, there's no reason to allow your mother to berate you for something that is just part of being human. Besides, do you even get so much as an apology out of her when she yells at you?

Forgive yourself and try to stop shaming yourself, you deserve some self love. Take care.
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daisy.m.d

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2017, 02:31:24 AM »
Dinah-sore - I agree with all the kind responses that have been written on your thread.  Remember, this is only one event. You yelled one.short.sentence. Only one. Contain it in your mind's eye. You are not out there yelling at everyone all the time. You are not yelling at your mother all the time. Just once.

She pushed at time of high anxiety for both of you until you lost it and defended yourself. Totally normal response to aggression (and passive-aggression).

One of the things I intend to do these days is to figure out how to recognize sooner when I am tensing/ growing frustrated, and practice changing whatever the conversation is to "I have to go now."  and then go. It is much harder to practice having boundaries than it is to write about them. I have also felt the shaking fear that you describe. It's intense and feels awful. I like a nice hot shower to calm down or a long walk. Or, a long walk, hot shower, then bed and soft blankets. You deserve some tenderness.

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MLR

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2017, 10:38:29 AM »
Your mother's behavior is appalling.

You said the news is upsetting to both you and your mother.   I wonder if she is mad because you didn't instantly focus on how this dreadful news upsets HER?  You were committing the sin of being upset about the news and who ever is involved in the situation.   

If I was say your cousin and you called me and said the exact same words and tone to me, I'd think you were EXCITED and concerned and upset, not deliberately yelling at me.  I'd be concerned and upset too and say something like "oh no, that's awful, how is X doing, do they need help, will things work out in the end, please tell X I am thinking of them".

The above is how most people react.  They don't get all hurt and mad because the focus and attention isn't on them.

Your mother is a real piece of work.

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all4peace

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2017, 10:47:56 AM »
I've yelled at my mom also, once in adulthood. In my case also, she kept pushing and wouldn't stop. I actually don't have shame over yelling, although I did apologize to her for doing so. I apologized because I had lost control of myself, and that wasn't ok with me. But looking at the dynamics, it is totally understandable. I'm guessing that if you (or I) had hung up on our mothers to avoid the confrontation, that wouldn't have been taken well either.

You apologized, you recognize what you didn't like about your behavior, it wasn't a huge deal at all (you weren't abusive) and it really is ok for you to move on now. You don't need to give up your dignity or "power" in your relationship with her just because you yelled once. Give yourself a break.

Human relationships have mistakes like this all.the.time. You responded appropriately. Hopefully your mom will also. This is something tiny enough to simply "let go." Hugs.

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Menopause Barbie

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2017, 05:28:29 PM »
Dinah-sore, I see myself in your post. I have a different take on it, though. I don't think your explosion was an accident. I think it was a planned event.

 Whenever my uBPD mom wanted to get extra waify, she needed someone to help her get into character. A super villain to contrast with her snow white innocence. Usually, uNdad fit the bill nicely. Not much of a stretch for him  :blush: .But, sometimes, she was stuck with me, and I was being too nice and understanding to facilitate her need to be The World's Most Pathetic Victim. So she would start madly pushing my buttons. Towards the end of our relationship (NC now), I could see this all unfolding and sat on the other end of the phone DETERMINED to keep my cool and not say anything I'd have to feel guilty about later.  :sharkbait:

But she was a really good button-pusher. Eventually, I would lose my temper, and afterwards, I would contemplate how on earth I went from Good Daughter to Evil Daughter so quickly. Back then, I attributed it to my innate shortcomings and personality flaws. Now I know I was set up.

YOU WERE SET UP! She WANTED you to explode! To a PD mom, nothing is more soothing in the face of disappointment and stress than knowing she can still control her daughter. She may not control everything in life, but she is consoled knowing that she can control you and your reactions and she can simultaneously prove that uBPDmom is on the moral high ground in every situation. After all, you yelled at her!  :dramaqueen: It is sick and twisted. And completely intentional.

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junklady

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #13 on: May 16, 2017, 06:20:17 PM »
Dinah~sore, Oh my gosh! Stop & breathe!  :stars: She has you right where she wants you. You didn't do anything wrong.
My NF is totally like this. If you feel bad, they feel worse. If you are happy, you won't be by the end of the phone call. They always twist the conversation and make it all about them.

They push, push, push, till they get a rise out of you. Then the guilt, that's what they want. Then they get an apology for something they created. It is a vicious circle.

I lived it for 60 years. My NF is a master at this technique. Then when he wouldn't stop and I would finally yell at him, he would be like, what did I say??? Stop yelling. I used to watch him do this to my M time and time again. It's funny she didn't shoot him! None of us would have blamed her for what she had to put up with from him.

Don't beat yourself up over this. I bet it's not the first time she has acted like this, and it won't be the last. We just think we are to be these obedient adult children, yuck! They take such advantage of us.

At some point in your life, you will say no more too. It just gets to be too exhausting. I'm not trying to be cruel. I know, I don't know your M, but if you came to this site, I think you have more in common with all of us than you think. You do not have a PD. You are human and can only take so much. I lost it like a crazy person last fall with NF. I knew that day that I was coming to the end of the rope and was very close to letting go. I hung on all winter and spring, and all it did was make my health worse. Nothing changed, he actually got worse with the verbal abuse.

Hang in there, keep reading. Remember the 3 Cs ~
I didn't cause it.
I can't cure it.
I can't control it.

I say it every day.

 :bighug:




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daughterofbpd

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2017, 09:30:39 PM »
I was thinking about this post and it reminded me of these bad dreams I was having at the beginning of all this (discovering my mom's PD and learning about boundaries). I have these recurring bad dreams where I'm back living with my parents and my mom starts picking a fight with me over something completely ridiculous. In the dream, she'll push my buttons so bad that I can't help screaming at her. It is that "stuck" feeling I used to have as a child because I can't reason with her and I can't escape. And then I start freaking out (in the dream) because I know I've done the wrong thing and I'm trying so hard to remember the steps for setting a boundary and the proper wording to use, but I just can't figure it out. I feel like I've gone and said the wrong thing and ruined everything (because I didn't handle the situation in a productive way, taking her PD into consideration). I think those dreams were caused by the stress of learning to set boundaries  ;)

In reality, I don't think it is realistic to think we are going to handle every situation using therapist recommended protocol. Sometimes we are going to lose our cool or we might not word things in the "best" way possible. But do you really think my mom is going to respond any different me me saying "I feel hurt by that comment you made" (I Statement) as opposed to "that wasn't very nice"? I doubt it. All we can do it keep working on ourselves from here, and hopefully those responses and boundaries get easier and easier.

Wishing you luck!
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
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daisy.m.d

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2017, 01:31:51 AM »
Daughter of bpd, I just had a screaming dream like the one you described. It's so strange. Screaming and couldn't stop, wanted to, I was yelling at someone, trying to remember how to calm down, knowing that it could be different if I could change my behavior but the feeling of being out of control was strong;  another part of me was far away, saying "that isn't you". I agree with your assessment, that the dream was kind of an echo of the feeling of childhood helplessness and fear, I couldn't get away from my parents. When I was six or seven I stole a check from my mother and wrote it out for $100 because I figured that was enough to go out on my own for a while. I slept with it under my pillow for a couple of nights until my mother asked me about it.

Dinah sore, your more negative feelings are "normal" - we all have them, you are not alone. As the children of PD parents, we were not allowed to have feelings or needs, suppress, suppress, suppress is our motto. But of course, that is impossible. You sound like you married someone who listens to you and supports you so you are doing something right! Think about when you have been successful in relationships. Think about the fact that you are loved. Live there instead of your mother's stunted emotional landscape. That is how I approach my father as much as possible these days. 
« Last Edit: May 17, 2017, 01:47:43 AM by daisy.m.d »

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daughterofbpd

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2017, 04:46:48 PM »
daisy.m.d
Oh my gosh, that's so sad.
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
~ Amanda Torroni

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Dinah-sore

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2017, 04:29:39 PM »
Thank you ALL soooooo much for your comments. I no longer feel any shame about how I acted. Of course, I don't want to do that again, so I am planning on just getting off the phone next time before the situation escalates (I am not yet sure what I will do if she is at my home? If we are in public, I can excuse myself and leave. But what do I do if she is here? Can I ask her to leave?). But I am not beating myself up anymore. And you are right, it is okay for me to stop suppressing everything. I need to accept my feelings. They are normal, even if they are negative. And yes, she does LOVE to provoke people and then act surprised (and deeply hurt) when they get upset with her.

I know I took a while to respond, but I did read the comments earlier this week (a few times). For some reason sometimes it takes me a while to write back. I have noticed that. I don't know why. I think part of it is because I feel anxiety when I write about it. Anxiety, and also healing too. I know writing and talking to you guys is helping me sooooooo much. I can't express how thankful I am for your understanding, and kindness.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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Blueskies

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2017, 05:00:16 PM »
Yes you can ask her to leave if you want. It's your home. Or you could just see her in public so you can leave if you need to.

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all4peace

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Re: I messed up bad and yelled at my mom
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2017, 05:04:13 PM »
Also, taking a long bathroom break is a legitimate way to get a break and some breathing space :)