Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style

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practical

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #20 on: May 15, 2017, 11:56:25 PM »
Wow, those questions threw me for a loop and the answers by some of you too. Why? Because when I answered the questions in my head it was like I was describing an average to perfect mother, there seemed to be nothing obvious wrong like in so many of your responses. How could that be??? I had to write it out and add footnotes to figure it out, because that is where it was in my life as enmeshed, parentified and gaslighted daughter, it was all perfectly deniable on the surface, and I didn't get access to the footnotes till much later in life.

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching? French cinema, good crime shows, romantic movies without any nudity or scenes between the sheets. Footnote (trigger warning): I had to screen movies before she would watch them. She never told me why the no sex rule till I was around 30, she had been raped and instead of protecting me I had been molested due to her negligence.)

2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads? Homemade.

3. Name something she hates? Sarcasm; people who disagree with her or are teflon coated to her charm; people she perceives to be beneath her; anybody who takes her daughter away and on top of it resists her charm/cannot be manipulated and triangulated with regard to her daughter.

4. What does she like to drink? Champagne, good wine, coffee and black tea

5. Favorite music? Opera, classic music, especially trumpet and violin

6. What is her nickname for You? My Sunshine (good day) or Cat (like being catty, bad day)

7. What is something she loves to do? Be involved in something exciting: concerts, art exhibits, dancing ...,  being with interesting people, friends, being the center of attention, being with her daughter. Footnote: with her enmeshed, parentified daughter (= My Sunshine) not her individuated daughter (= Cat).

8. What would she eat every day if she could? Cheese cake I think. Really any good meal whether home cooked or at a good restaurant.

9. What is her favorite color? Actually dont know to my surprise. Purple, blue? nothing drab

10. What would she NEVER wear in public? Gym cloths, bathrobe

11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? Cheese cake, her favourite and often requested by her, but she would like whatever I bake and genuinely enjoy it. Footnote: The cake comes with a side of guilt for me "Wish you were here more often, so I could get more of it." and "It is so good, I cannot make it this way." translate to You have to do that for me to make me happy., which I used to be only to happy to do as the eternal fixer and rescuer I used to be.

12. Favorite animal? Cat, something to curl up with her. Footnote: a weird oxymoron, she liked the independence of cats, that is how she saw herself, or wanted to be, at the same time she wanted something to snuggle up to her, purr at her.

13. What could she spend all day doing? See 7

14. Who is her favorite child? The one she can project her dreams on, who fills her needs.

Turned out to be a really helpful exercise, as it made me see again how subtle much of the emotional abuse was from the outside, while on the inside doing its damage. I did the questionnaire for F too, where it was much more obvious, which begs the question: Why did it take me so long to see it with him? I guess wanting one normal parent, parentification by him and him being a much better self-victimizer? 
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Liketheducks

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #21 on: May 15, 2017, 11:58:55 PM »
1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching? Something on Lifetime, usually involving a poor victim.
2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads?  Whatever, I'm easy...but you know XXX makes me sick.
3. Name something she hates?   Seeing intention and work realized and the success enjoyed.   Well, aren't you lucky...said with a snark.  Or someone in her field being successful.   "I could do that, and so much better" (Then why don't you!!!)
4. What does she like to drink?  Wine, but she'd rather enjoy "herbal" refreshments.
5. Favorite music? 60's music...see #4...which made/makes her uber cool to all of my friends.
6. What is her nickname for You?  Stada Babba. - Polish for little old woman (parentified reference here - I, evidentlly  have an "old" soul) 
7. What is something she loves to do? Complain, gossip, gaslight, repeat.
8. What would she eat every day if she could?  All the carbs.
9. What is her favorite color?  I seriously have no idea on that one.
10.What would she NEVER wear in public? In public, dressed to the nines....at home maybe not bathe for a few days.
11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? Don't bother...it will be ALL WRONG.(yep, me too)
12. Favorite animal? Yep, I don't know the color either
13. What could she spend all day doing?See #1, #3, and #4.
14. Who is her favorite child? Anyone, but me.

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VividImagination

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #22 on: May 16, 2017, 12:28:34 AM »
Is it weird that most of us can't identify a favorite color? With my NM she mirrored others so much that it was hard to tell what her actual preferences were at times.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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practical

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #23 on: May 16, 2017, 08:21:04 AM »
Is it weird that most of us can't identify a favorite color? With my NM she mirrored others so much that it was hard to tell what her actual preferences were at times.
This is exactly the only reason why I could remember blue. There was a phase where I liked a certain shade of blue, and it became her color too.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Crochet Addict

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #24 on: May 16, 2017, 06:21:56 PM »
1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching? Watch TV? She doesn't have time to watch TV!
2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads? French- it's red, like her periods that went on and on and she LOVES to talk about, even though she's post-menopausal.
 3. Name something she hates? Anything I like. If I like something she does, she's known to change her preferences.
4. What does she like to drink? Coffee, because it really helps escalate her anxiety. Or ginger ale when she works herself up to a nauseous frenzy.
5. Favorite music? The blues, of course.
6. What is her nickname for You? Bitch.
7. What is something she loves to do? Sit at my dad's grave for hours and talk to his headstone (he's been gone 13 years, it's sad, we want her to get grief counselling). Or mock her elderly father to anyone who will listen.
8. What would she eat every day if she could? It doesn't matter, because people who have a favorite food are gluttons.
9. What is her favorite color? Yellow. Which is actually a happy color.
10.What would she NEVER wear in public? Anything I buy or make for her. Especially if she asks for it.
11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? It has to be from a store. Only poor people bake their own cakes.
12. Favorite animal? Anyone's pets but mine.
13. What could she spend all day doing? See #7
14. Who is her favorite child? My Sis, the GC. Second favorite, my Bro, her personal handyman.
Always question authority. Control my own destiny. Forcing change, breaking free from the wheels of the machine. Changing my world so I can live- execution: powershift. -Burton C. Bell of Fear Factory

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raindrop

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #25 on: May 16, 2017, 10:42:08 PM »
OMG. This is GENIUS. I am going to answer this in my mother's voice.

Oh wow, my mum is a crazy cat lady too!! Like 5 cats, ten chooks and 2 horses and 7 doves. Like your mum she spends more money on the animals than she can afford, and probably loves them better than us too.

Someone else said about their mum looking cats independence... It makes sense cos cats basically are PD! it's just they are cute, furry and can't verbally abuse you hahaha!
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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VividImagination

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #26 on: May 16, 2017, 10:51:20 PM »
What's a chook?
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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SmolderingDragon

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #27 on: May 16, 2017, 11:19:43 PM »
What's a chook?

English and Aussie slang for chicken.  :bigwink:
"Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go." -- Mark Twain

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VividImagination

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #28 on: May 16, 2017, 11:54:25 PM »
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...thanks.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #29 on: May 17, 2017, 03:52:25 AM »
For those of you with cat-hoarding moms, look no further for next year's gift!   :bigwink:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Crazy-Cat-Lady-Action-Figure-New/112408714249?_trksid=p2385738.c100677.m4598&_trkparms=aid%3D222007%26algo%3DSIC.MBE%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D20160908110712%26m

This is a real thing!  I bought one a few years ago - in part because I couldn't stop laughing and in part to remind myself to *never be that person!*   :aaauuugh:

She and her cats hang out in the china cabinet with some old china, sweet crystal, Mulder, Scully, a couple of aliens from the first X-Files move, Doctors 9, 10, and 11, C3PO and R2D2 - because why the hell not?    ;D

We can't make them happy - so let's focus on ourselves.   :)



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practical

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #30 on: May 17, 2017, 11:12:40 AM »
Someone else said about their mum looking cats independence... It makes sense cos cats basically are PD! it's just they are cute, furry and can't verbally abuse you hahaha!
:rofl: That was me. So M's love of cats was projection, mirroring?  :stars:
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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raindrop

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #31 on: May 17, 2017, 11:24:48 AM »
Hahaha yeah, our PD cat loving mums are with their own kind   ;D
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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stasia

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #32 on: May 17, 2017, 12:36:56 PM »
LOL, WI. I think Boyfriend might have an opinion about me putting Crazy Cat Lady in our cabinet alongside ALL the Doctors (well, he's missing Peter Capaldi and I think a couple of others), most of the main characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, R2D2, Darth Vader, Yoda, a bunch of Star Trek stuff I can't identify, etc!

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JonesMalone

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2017, 10:27:21 AM »
This is too funny
I had to create a new account just to post (couldn't remember pw and wasn't getting emails).

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching?
anything. Pretty sure that's all she does when she isn't working. If there is a terrible story on local news even better.
   
2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads?  Oh any dressing is fine. Really. *bring one to her* oh. You couldn't bring me another one that was originally given as an option?

3. Name something she hates? whatever is popular on Facebook to hate. Animal cruelty (apparently forgetting how cruel to animals she was when we were growing up ).  Racists - but only if they're shouty about it. Her racism towards certain people doesn't count obvs

4. What does she like to drink? Lots of coffee because she is SO tired. It also has to be bought or made for her. She can't do it herself. 

5. Favorite music? 60s/70s rock. Because that music was real. Music nowadays is just sad and made on plastic computers and listened to on iPods. People should still listen to records and eight tracks.

6. What is her nickname for You? We're not really that close.

7. What is something she loves to do? watch tv. Talk about people who've died and give the gorey details. Write 'prayers said' or 'RIP thinking of you' on Facebook statuses. Publicly fawn over her children (Facebook public anyway) while ignoring them in every day life. Making things about her.

8. What would she eat every day if she could? 'oh don't worry about me. I don't really eat breakfast/lunch/dinner usually' oreallynow... 'oh, you're getting up. Well I guess I'll have some of -_______ for lunch then.'

9. What is her favorite color? blue

10.What would she NEVER wear in public? something that suited her. She couldn't complain about how awful it was or how fat she is for attention

11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? 'now you know I don't NEED cake and I'm sure anything you make will be delicious.' *bakes cake* 'oh this is really nice' *rest of cake goes in the garbage*

12. Favorite animal? dogs. 'Dogs are better than humans you know' yeah... I liked the two we had as kids that you put to sleep because you decided you didn't want them.

13. What could she spend all day doing? see 7. Also, finding pictures of abused animals on Facebook and writing 'disgusting. I hope the people who did this rot in hell!!'

14. Who is her favorite child? the dog. She loves him to the moon and back.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2017, 03:20:35 PM by Spring Butterfly »

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Amadahy

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #34 on: May 18, 2017, 11:12:51 AM »
What fun! Thanks for posting!  Things like this remind me not to be sooooo serious about it all.  :)

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching?  This god-awful religious channel with local "talent," arrrooooo!
   
2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads? I will have to say she is not picky about this.  Yay!  :)

3. Name something she hates? People who are secure in themselves.  For reals.  She gets fixated on them, tries to be their pal and then tears them to shreds, if even in her own mind.  She also hates my husband -- and it could have been anyone that I wed.  How dare I?

4. What does she like to drink? Pop.  Friggin' pop -- that gives her the UTI that gives her the rages, get antibiotics, repeat.

5. Favorite music? Easy listening 60s, 70s, think Conway Twitty, Freddie Fender, Charley Pride.  Oh, and god-awful local "talent" (see question number 1). 

6. What is her nickname for You? Can't say without divulging too much ID, but when she used to rage it was "You little bitch," complete with spittle flying.

7. What is something she loves to do? Call the obituary announcement line and tell me who's dead. 

8. What would she eat every day if she could? Again, not too picky here.  She does pay attention to others' eating habits though and will sabotage when she can.  For example, my aunt did not eat pork for religious reasons.  You can be hot damn sure that mom made pinto beans with fat back from pork in them for flavor when she visited.  Mom was so pleased that aunt was none the wiser and I as a very young child felt bad about it, but didn't know quite why then.

9. What is her favorite color? I have no idea.  They're probably all awful and out to get her.  :evil2:

10.What would she NEVER wear in public? I don't honestly know.  Again, probably she'd rather critique others' clothing choices.

11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? She has been pretty complimentary of my cooking.  I could bake anything and she'd be okay.  Again, others' cake baking sucks, you know ....

12. Favorite animal? Cats.  Used to hoard as I see from so many here.  WTH is that?!

13. What could she spend all day doing? See Number 1

14. Who is her favorite child? She hates children, but has objectified sis as the GC.  Lucky duck.   :roll:
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

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betta fish

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #35 on: May 18, 2017, 12:45:20 PM »
Daughters... How well do you know your MOM? Copy, paste, and fill-in the blanks.

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching? Dr.Phil - she identifies with the poor victim, the rejected mom who tries so hard to get attention by doing horrible things, the boyfriend who can't accept the break-up and stalks his ex-girlfriend... Unfortunately it is true!
2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads? caersar
3. Name something she hates? People who are not authentic
4. What does she like to drink? Coke
5. Favorite music? Micheal Jackson - he was also a poor victim of society and false accusations.
6. What is her nickname for You? none
7. What is something she loves to do? Helping others  :blink:
8. What would she eat every day if she could? caesar salad
9. What is her favorite color? Green
10.What would she NEVER wear in public? Pyjamas
11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? Carrot Cake
12. Favorite animal? Dogs
13. What could she spend all day doing? Helping others and writing a book describing all the injustice she suffered.
14. Who is her favorite child? my brother
« Last Edit: May 18, 2017, 12:48:04 PM by betta fish »
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.
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TheFragileFox

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Re: Some Mother's Day fun, Facebook-style
« Reply #36 on: May 18, 2017, 03:57:37 PM »
Hey everyone! I've been following OOTF for quite awhile now, but after seeing this post I decided to make an account so I can be more active, and start posting! So here we go:

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching? The News, QVC (so she can criticize all the products and people all day), or old black and white movies

2. Usually, what dressing does she eat on her salads? Italian Dressing mostly?

3. Name something she hates? Our cat. Her extended family members, my father (criticizes and complains about them constantly). People who are successful.

4. What does she like to drink? Dr. Pepper. She's been addicted to it my whole life

5. Favorite music? Church hymns. She used to listen to more music but now she won't even change the CD in her car after over a year, because she tells me she's too tired and doesn't have time to plug in her phone and use Spotify

6. What is her nickname for You? Only uses a loving nickname for me when we're in public or around other family members. Otherwise it's my first name with almost always a sarcastic or angry tone. Or Brat.

7. What is something she loves to do? Complain about how she used to love to cook and garden and tell me she wants to do it again, and then make excuses as to why she can't (Basically does that for everything else in her life, also). Spend tons of money on things she doesn't need. Hoard things she doesn't need or use (i.e. Drawers and drawers of craft supplies). Criticize others. Sit in her room with the blinds shut, by herself, and then later complain that she doesn't have friends.

8. What would she eat every day if she could? To be honest, I really don't know. She just eats rice every day because she has food allergies??

9. What is her favorite color? Her favorite color is always my favorite color. When I started liking earth tones, so did she. When I started liking red, so did she.
Note: This can also be said about clothing or decor style. I can go out and buy a pair of boots, and suddenly she's in love with those boots too and buys the same pair. Oh, I suddenly changed my clothing style? - So did she.


10.What would she NEVER wear in public?
Pajamas, or workout clothes. She's always dressed up in public. Can't go out without doing her makeup and hair. Even if we're just going to the store and back home. (She also complains about how tired she is and doesn't want to do her makeup. But does it anyway)

11. You bake her a cake. What kind of cake do you bake for her? I've never baked her a cake, persay, but if I do anything for her she gets mad and tells me she not worth my present. And if I don't do anything she gets mad and tells me I ignore her. If anyone, even complete strangers, gives her a compliment, she turns it down and tells them that she's ugly

12. Favorite animal? Dogs. She loves dogs way more than humans. She loved our dog and tells me that she was her only real friend. (Probably because my mom spoiled her so much that she was extremely needy.. Actually same goes for the cat who is also extremely needy, but she can't stand him)

13. What could she spend all day doing? See #7, Tell me when I can't do anything right. Not be able to trust any person she comes in contact with

14. Who is her favorite child? When we were children, I was the angel child and my older brother was the one who got in trouble all the time. But once he moved out right out of high school, (because he couldn't handle her anymore) that rage was re-directed at me, and now I'm the bad child and my absent brother is the angel child
« Last Edit: May 18, 2017, 04:37:41 PM by TheFragileFox »