Who pays in this situation?

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #20 on: April 24, 2017, 03:03:01 AM »
Update:

They leave in one week.

Was unable to obtain currency of the country they're travelling to. Had to be a customer of the various banks I tried, (i'm not) and then had to change minimum $500 and pay fee on top.  I only intend to give my son $10. (It will buy him a lot more in that country than it does in ours.)

Told u/npd exH money would be in our currency. Haven't heard back.

Emailed organiser of the trip  (Relative of my son's N smum), asking for details of wifi at the hotel etc..Discovered in his reply that the large group that is going is divided into smaller groups, travelling on different days and staying in more than one hotel.  I thought they were all travelling together at the same time and only staying in one hotel.

When I asked relative for more info he handballed it back to Nsmum.

She emailed, asking me what my queries were, even though he'd forwarded my email to her.

Before I had chance to reply, I received a blistering email from u/npd exH. How dare I speak to anyone other than him re our son? (Gathering info from the original source to try to help our son is not acceptable apparently. )...it's because I'm a narcissist and a bully that others are too scared to speak with me and  ask him to contact me instead. Maybe I should seek help...etc. you get the drift.  It was a doozy. But expected as he escalates before the trip.

I emailed him the same request for info that I'd sent to the relative and told him my findings re communication setup .

He emailed back he isn't prepared to use Whatsapp etc because he doesn't feel it's safe enough for our son.  Went into some very confusing blather...

Long and short:  He will "try" to connect with wifi etc..

I'm at the point where I can't be bothered trying anymore.  Even if it was set up for free communication, they won't be encouraging ds to contact me and they're not likely to pass any of my messages on to him. Ds is still of the age where he doesn't think of or want contact with me while he's with them.  I'm pretty resigned to not hearing from or of him for the 2 weeks. And that will include Mothers' Day, I think.

Then there's the making up the time that I'll be missing with ds.  Last trip we made it up and it was a trip for only 8 days.  Strangely there was no drama that time. When I suggested makeup dates this time u/npd exH went off his tree.  Says he doesn't agree he should make up the time (11 nights of my time) , that I've demanded it instead of asking. (I've assumed we'd refund time cos we did last time and it's only fair.)

Sigh.

Will keep you posted.

AOD

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Bloomie

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #21 on: April 24, 2017, 11:59:29 AM »
Sigh indeed. Just really ridiculous posturing on your ex and his partner's part and not taking into consideration the best interests of your child which would be to share a bit with you throughout the trip as they are able and stay connected with his MOM! My heart just hurts for you. :hug:

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bopper

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #22 on: April 24, 2017, 05:29:58 PM »
To travel outside the country you have to have a letter from the other parent saying it is okay.

If this ever happens again:
1) Must make up the time before the trip
2) Detailed enough itinerary
3) Wifi access
Before he gets the letter
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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #23 on: May 02, 2017, 07:41:52 PM »
Thanks, Bloomie and Bopper.  Bopper, I like your suggestions.

So they left yesterday.

I sent a text to ds while they were at the airport waiting to depart. It was read at 12.07 this morning. I'm guessing it was read by u/npd exH or the NSmum as hopefully ds would have been in bed by then.  There's a 3 hour time difference.

I've received no text to say they've arrived.  I wonder if I will.

Ds told me that his Nanny (his Dad's Mum) had given him cash in our currency for spending money.  I wonder if she'd been told to hand it over in the other country's currency.  Mmmm.

AOD

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2017, 07:21:06 AM »
My boy is back!  Safe and sound.  He's enjoyed himself.

I received a few texts but nothing on Mothers' Day. :'(

I have yet to receive a bill for the communication. Ds said he'd also sent texts to one of his school friends while there. Maybe I should ask his friend's mum if she is also expected to pay?...

AOD

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mamato3

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #25 on: May 15, 2017, 07:47:59 PM »
My boy is back!  Safe and sound.  He's enjoyed himself.

I received a few texts but nothing on Mothers' Day. :'(

I have yet to receive a bill for the communication. Ds said he'd also sent texts to one of his school friends while there. Maybe I should ask his friend's mum if she is also expected to pay?...

AOD

I'm sorry you didn't hear from him on Mother's Day. I think that also speaks to PA. :-(

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Bloomie

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #26 on: May 15, 2017, 09:20:30 PM »
So happy he is home safe and sound. Hoping you can celebrate a belated reunion/Mother's Day together very soon.

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SPinSC

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Re: Who pays in this situation?
« Reply #27 on: May 17, 2017, 05:20:17 PM »
Let me just add this to the discussion.

I'm the stepmother. Biomom is the PD. (Ok, my hubby is ALSO PD). Anyway, we invited DSS to join me, hubby and DS to visit MY parents in another state. DSS was still a minor then, so we called and talked to BM. We discussed when we would be going, how we would be going, how long we'd be gone, how she could contact her son and how he could contact her (all at our expense), if she wanted an extra-long visit (we were custodial parents) near DSS's birthday to make up for him missing a weekend visit.

We thought about all the questions and concerns she might have before we called. We came up with answers that would cost her nothing. She didn't even balk about it being a trip to visit my family.

I wish it had gone this way with you.

I can say that, if my PD husband divorced me and married a PD woman and pulled the same stunt your exh is pulling, I'd be furious, like HotCocoa. Still, knowing I would be dealing with PD's, I think I'd decide on another hill to die on. I'd probably cave on every point. But, I'm typically a appeaser, it's what I do.  I'd just be really angry as I caved in.

I would still follow the advice to keep receipts for everything YOU had to pay, including the exchange charge if you don't send your currency, and bring that up as a financial issue during any future reviews.

Just because he SHOULD ensure communication between you and your son and he SHOULD provide currency exchange for your son doesn't mean that would happen without a long, drawn-out fight.

I'm so sorry you are facing even more craziness as the trip gets closer. That's a pretty big boatload you're dealing with already!
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