Ex & my teens...

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Ex & my teens...
« on: May 17, 2017, 07:31:13 PM »
So I have an ex, let's call him uPDex, because I know there is something going on there, but don't know what exactly it is.  I broke up with him and he tried to get me to stay by having non-consensual sex and impregnating me...

SO.  We have two teenagers together.

My DD15, wants to live with me full time now that I have gotten away from my uNPDex, (I have posted about A LOT).
Her father is getting pretty... weird... Now I realize he's been her sole parent for the last 13 years, but she is awfully anxious... so I wanted the opinions of the members here to help me see through any "FOG" that may remain.

She's visibly anxious and uncomfortable about going there for more than a visit, staying overnight appears to be a problem.
She has told me she has panic attacks while trying to fall asleep at her Dads.
She has panic attacks when her brother and father fight (they get pretty riled up, and sometimes it gets physical (DS14))
She makes up lame excuses for not wanting to go.
She will not just tell him she doesn't want to go.
Her words: "I'm afraid he's gonna go off on me if I tell him I don't want to stay there the whole weekend"

We are in process of custody; the children's assigned attorney informed me she will be ordering through the courts that DD15 get counseling, said "She clearly needs it, and it might help her work though her emotions, and this big transition."

I am sure counseling will help, but what can I do to help?

Today I picked her up from school, brought her to the office (she has a concert tonight at the school, the plan was dinner then the concert).  Dad called and said she was supposed to come there... She never told me that, and she said she didn't agree to that, or want to do that. I thought he was at work personally.  He asked if he could come get her an hour before dinner to get her an iced coffee... well I went to some trouble to clear her being in the office with me, so I told him no, and told him from now on, he needs to communicate the plans he makes with her to me so I am aware and can help coordinate. He agreed amicably... She looked like she wanted to cry when I told her he wanted to come get her for coffee before dinner... she doesn't want to go there after her concert tonight... she doesn't want to be there for the weekend... I'm not really sure what to do...  :unsure:
"Only I can change my life.  No one can do it for me."
-Carol Burnette



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Re: Ex & my teens...
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2017, 08:42:07 AM »
My heart goes out ot you. What a difficult situation to be in. Can you ask your daughter what she suggests you do? If I understand you right, she has been living with him for the last years? She might know him better than you do?
I can't hate my way into loving myself.