Help! Work issues

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Jelly Bean

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Help! Work issues
« on: May 29, 2017, 04:56:48 AM »
Not sure if this is the place to post this.  Just a wee grumble really.  I'm not going to say anyone in this post has PD, Borderline or is a narcissist, however what they do have is a very big ego.  My problem is there is a person I find extremely difficult to work with (has been a couple of others too). 

I'm an advocate and have a good track record of getting my client what they need.  However there is one person I am currently struggling to support.

It has got to the point she has been told to leave a certain place due to breaking her contract and she has asked me to support her.  Technically I cannot say no due to it being my job. 

What I am struggling with is helping her whilst keeping a smile on my face when all I want to do is tell her exactly how I see her… as someone who is emotionally immature, unstable (bursts into tears when things don't go her way), expects to be rescued, does not take responsibility for her own actions, blows her own trumpet at every opportunity, the list goes on.

I really don't like her!  So for my own personal growth and professionalism, I am hoping someone can share tips on how to handle this situation (I'm sure she won't be the last).

I feel like a big baby grumbling about this but in all honestly, I'm really struggling to remain professional.

Thank you for reading!
« Last Edit: May 29, 2017, 04:58:45 AM by heartchakra »

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Jelly Bean

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2017, 03:29:44 AM »
Anyone???

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2017, 03:49:23 AM »
If I understand you correctly, you think your client deserves the treatment she got and yet, you are supposed to help her?
I remember one time when my attorney very professionally and detached explained the law to me and thus made me understand that my view of the situation was false and I had no chance  of getting my wish. He never said a word about me, just laid out the facts and the law. I was disappointed but accepted his view and advice.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

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Malini

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2017, 06:41:58 AM »
I suppose if you're  a lawyer/attorney you're being paid to defend your clients rights, and your own feelings should be put aside as your job is to ensure she is treated fairly.

In my own experience when I was working in a benefits/welfare office, what helped me was understanding more about how my clients got themselves into their situation, putting myself in their shoes so I could tap into my empathy rather than become judgemental. This also opened up a space for discussion about what behaviours needed to change for a next time and also the client accepting their part of responsibility in what went wrong.

Whenever I felt that what I was being asked to do went against my personal moral code or triggering MY issues, I often asked if someone else could take over my case as I was aware that I wasn't the best person for the job. 
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Liftedfog

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2017, 08:55:30 AM »
Can you give the client to someone else in your firm?  I think that would be more fair than representing her when you really don't want to.  Sort of like a conflict of interest.  I thought lawyers can chose their clients and they are not obligated to help everyone.  Jmo.   

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Jelly Bean

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2017, 05:02:19 PM »
If I understand you correctly, you think your client deserves the treatment she got and yet, you are supposed to help her?
I remember one time when my attorney very professionally and detached explained the law to me and thus made me understand that my view of the situation was false and I had no chance  of getting my wish. He never said a word about me, just laid out the facts and the law. I was disappointed but accepted his view and advice.
MY gosh this is the answer!  I read your reply and felt like crying.  I am helping this person tomorrow and know that I am half-hearted about it.
We are having a meeting to determine if she gets what she wants (it could go either way).  Because of my track record (yes blowing my own trumpet here when it comes to putting forward good arguments) she may get what she wants.  Yet, technically she shouldn't.  So I am also half expecting should she not get what she wants, to be spending the next hour with her blubbering in my office - the last thing I want and need since my stress level with this situation has gone skyhigh (purely because I do want to remain professional and I see this as MY issue - something I have to work on and understand). 
Thank you thank you thank you!

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Jelly Bean

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2017, 05:13:45 PM »
I suppose if you're  a lawyer/attorney you're being paid to defend your clients rights, and your own feelings should be put aside as your job is to ensure she is treated fairly.

In my own experience when I was working in a benefits/welfare office, what helped me was understanding more about how my clients got themselves into their situation, putting myself in their shoes so I could tap into my empathy rather than become judgemental. This also opened up a space for discussion about what behaviours needed to change for a next time and also the client accepting their part of responsibility in what went wrong.

Whenever I felt that what I was being asked to do went against my personal moral code or triggering MY issues, I often asked if someone else could take over my case as I was aware that I wasn't the best person for the job.
Thank you so much for your reply!  I do understand my clients and why/how they got where they are and this is where I draw my empathy from.  Though the odd client triggers me or pushes the boundaries whereby I really do not want to see them in my office.

Unfortunately her ego is too big for me to highlight anything to do with her behaviour.  I wish I could though it would take a highly trained professional and many sessions to go over this issue.  She would simply shut down and blame ME for not understanding her.  In her eyes, she want to be this person who has the power to "F people over who don't give her what she wants" (her words)... by that she means, she wants to belittle them and get them fired from their jobs.  Quite a disturbed person in that regard, however my job is not to be involved with her issues as opposed to advocating on behalf of clients regardless of what they bring (emotionally, psychologically, etc).

Unfortunately I am the only person in my position and thus, am stuck between a rock and hard place as I have never said to a client I/we (the organisation) cannot help them unless I had justification such as being an abusive client.  In the courts eyes, she is emotionally immature but not abusive.  And like you said, this really is MY issue hence why I am struggling with remaining professional.

Thank you for your reply, I understand where you are coming from and appreciate your wisdom.

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Jelly Bean

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2017, 05:22:10 PM »
Can you give the client to someone else in your firm?  I think that would be more fair than representing her when you really don't want to.  Sort of like a conflict of interest.  I thought lawyers can chose their clients and they are not obligated to help everyone.  Jmo.
I wish I could and would have although I would have had to explain to her why I was giving her to someone else to work with (basically I am it).  I'm dredding the tears should things not go her way.  I know this sound awful, but part of me thinks if she doesn't get her way, I won't have to worry about seeing her again, but even then I know she will somehow come back with vengence and involve the organisation, such as going to the media etc.  When do people with big egos learn to call it quits?

Oh and I'm not a lawyer, though it sounds like I do their kind of work but on a smaller scale.   I have suggested she gets one so they can tell her, a broken contract she signed is a broken contract.  She knows this, but does not accept it. 

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2017, 06:35:31 PM »
Some people feel they should be excepted from normal rules. You might want to use the broken record technique stating and re-stating the facts and the law. Something like: I understand you might feel this way but the law says....yes one might have that opinion but the law says....
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

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Jelly Bean

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2017, 04:02:48 AM »
Some people feel they should be excepted from normal rules. You might want to use the broken record technique stating and re-stating the facts and the law. Something like: I understand you might feel this way but the law says....yes one might have that opinion but the law says....
Thank you!  I will do just this.  Sometimes its nice to be reminded of simple things to do, more so when one isn't thinking rationally, so all the advice and support has been invaluable.
The meeting is tomorrow.  Will be interesting.  I will need to be detached and stick to the facts.  At the end of the day, the aim is to remain professional at all times.

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Jelly Bean

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2017, 03:12:54 AM »
Yes!

She was put in her place.  She also could see no one was buying her manipulative tears, that we could all see through it.  When she left the meeting on came the tears again.  So back to my office we went.

I gave options to which she kept saying she wanted to F everyone over.

I even told her off and said to stop acting like a baby, that she was an adult and to start acting like one if she wanted people to treat her like an adult.

Long story short.   I did help her after that and did my best which may still get a positive outcome.   And I felt proud.   Proud I could pull myself together and do what I would do for anyone else, and that is, help them.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Help! Work issues
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2017, 12:36:33 PM »
Well done!
I can't hate my way into loving myself.