I thanked nrightinthehead and Malini in the previous post. Now I want to thank myworldisgood, seichan and enurfbs.
myworldisgood, you are correct that I am punished when I stand up for myself. In fact, over the weekend, my PD told me that she'd told her sister how badly I behaved when I stood up for myself when I was shafted over the concert. Yet now she expects me to join them when they celebrate the PD's birthday. It is natural to vent to others--it's what I'm doing here--but it is not right to tell the person that you've complained about them to someone with whom you then expect them to interact!
Seichan, I do think this friendship echoes the one I had with my mother, at least in some ways. I am working on this.
efurbs, Thanks for the tip about "You seem angry. Are you angry?" It reminds me of what a friend told me to say when others say something offensive, simply to turn to them and say, "Excuse me. What did you say?" Like your statement, it forces the other person to own up to what they are saying.