The Narcissist's Public Persona

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flash bug

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Re: The Narcissist's Public Persona
« Reply #20 on: June 05, 2017, 03:26:23 PM »
I so can relate as well. With her church family and school friends her voice changes, her words change, etc. She is so sweet and kind in front of them. For years I have heard how sweet your momma is...how lucky I am to have such a sweet woman for my mother.... :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars:

Uhm yeah you should have seen her the other day screaming at me I didn't love her and she didn't want to live anymore because I didn't care cause she wanted me to come to her house right that very minute and fix her computer/oven/door/bill problem/.......or the constant calls I got on vacation of her crying she was dying if I didn't come home cause she felt better if I was around. Or her calls when I was with other family crying that I didn't love her because I wasn't with her. Or the 900 other various scenario's where I was "a bad daughter" when I didn't do as she thought I should..didn't say what she thought I should...didn't visit/talk to those only she approved of...well you get the picture.

Yeah. Lucky alright.... :roll:

Did I want to out her? You betcha! but did I? Nope. I learned to just smile and not say one word. It's hard. I want  to say something but it would accomplish nothing. She has carefully crafted her persona for a certain segment of folks and that is just what it is. I now avoid any social situation with her where I see the other persona or hear those sing her praises. I have very limited contact with her after being totally enmeshed for most of my life. Freedom feels good and they can think what they like. I know the truth.

« Last Edit: June 05, 2017, 03:29:29 PM by flash bug »

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Afterthefox

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Re: The Narcissist's Public Persona
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2017, 01:53:15 PM »
Sandpiper,

I wholly agree with your point on intergenerational trauma. In the case of my BPDf, his father was clearly also damaged. Overbearing, manipulative, abusive to his wife, and especially abusive to his elder son to the point that he drove him to attempted suicide and eventual hospitalization. As a result, my father loathed and resented his father with a passion. He was clearly traumatized by the episode, but no one in his family ever sought professional help.

Instead, left to his own devices, my father has always attempted to 'correct' social issues with extreme avoidance. Even though he lived through the 'age of aquarius', and may speak about personal awareness as a cultural phenomenon, he has failed to find the courage for the deep introspection that would lead to his own healing process. He projects his personal suffering onto others, and simply removes himself from any source that may threaten his sense of control and superiority. His life therefore has been littered with interpersonal conflict, periods of isolation and social exclusion.

The persona he has cultivated is a calculated strategy that allows him to function socially from a pedestal - unreachable, irreproachable, impenetrable. It is his defense against having to communicate directly with anyone, including himself, on a plain and forthright level.

When I consider these people as damaged instead of innately malevolent, I feel less inclined to react to them, by exposing their misgivings publicly etc. Indulging in conflict at their disordered level is simply perpetuating the intergenerational conflict that I am trying to evolve beyond.

Thank you for reminding me to operate from a place of empathy.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2017, 02:09:15 PM by Afterthefox »
"Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone." - Alan Watts