Even though I have been long-estranged with my N Father for years, every now and then I will remember things that were said and done in the past out of the blue. My N Father made my life a living hell for the sport of it. I have come to accept what happened and why as far as my entire family.
I was taking my dog out for an errand and ride in the car, when I remembered how stingy my Father was with money. Also, my Mother, who was a more covert N. Clearly, I am the SG and my N Sis is the GC. I had asked my Mother if I could borrow $200 to buy a car, as I had seasonal work and had to ride my bike 4-5 miles a day one way to get to work or bum rides. I also asked if I could be taken to get my driver's license. I did have some money saved to buy the car outright pay my own insurance. I assured her I would pay her back when I got paid next. My Father overheard and told me FU and no one ever helped him get a car. That was the final answer... It was one of the few and definitely last times I asked either one of them for anything. I continued to save my money and begged my Mother to take me to get my license, I was 17. I bought a car that was a little better, then I moved out before Christmas that same year. I stayed in the area and continued to work and was doing ok, but had few prospects, and tried to enlist in the military. I didn't pass the physical and ended up having surgery. Before the surgery, I had worked 3 jobs. One of the three was seasonal, and then one of the jobs let me go. I was out of work for the bare minimum of time, then went right back to work. I also ended up losing my apartment and was back in a financial rut, even though I was still on my Dad's medical insurance.
My Father's behavior got worse after I returned home. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. He had always threatened to throw me out on the street, yet he was angry that I moved out.
When I was wheeled back into my room from the recovery room, my Father was there, but my Mother was at work. He was nicey nice with the nurses as they were checking me over and getting me settled. I had a reaction to the anesthesia or one of the medications and was vomiting a lot. As soon as the nurses left, he was in my face literally spitting in rage with his eyes bulging about how I needed to get the F out of his house and how much money it was costing him. I burst into tears and he left the room. My nurses was asking what was wrong, but I was so ashamed I wouldn't tell her. Another medical person overheard my Father and reported it to my nurse, who sent a counselor to my room. I did my best to recover and leave home, but it took 8 months to leave for boot camp.
While I was away, he had stopped going to work and had put in for mental disability from his company for workplace stress. He was home all of the time, so I didn't get a chance to talk to my Mother and sister without him hovering. He complained because I called collect. I was actually sending them money to cover the costs. There was no way for them to contact me by phone. I had to contact them when I could get to a phone. This was way before email, skype, Facebook, etc. I sent them all nice gifts for the holidays. My Father asked me for an expensive gift that would cost $400-500! Pretty brassy of him, huh? He was all over me to reconcile after Mom died, so I let him back into my life, then I realized that he was most likely trying to find out where his pension was going. Mom was getting a portion of his pension after they divorced. He was told by the company that someone was receiving the pension. He told me my sister had sworn in her daughter's life she wasn't receiving the pension and had even shown her bank statements and checkbook to prove it. He asked to see my bank statements and checkbook. I told him if she was receiving it, she most likely just cashed the check. He then threatened to sue me! I told him to go right ahead and waste more time and money. He then discarded me from his life via phone.
He would do hang up calls and drive bys. He lived two hours away at the time. I was working on the computer when he called. When he would leave a message, he was always surly. I decided to let the call roll to voicemail and if he was polite, I would call back. He was polite. When I called back, he pretended he didn't; know who I was. Then he said that he hadn't called me. I told him I was on the computer busy and wanted to make sure everything was ok. He said that since he had me on the phone he wanted me to know that he had chosen my sister over me because she was always there for him in his time of need. I told him that I was sorry he felt like he had to choose between his two daughters and reminded him that he had warned me about what a con she was after Mom died. I told him that she would be there as long as his wallet was open and his check-writing hand was in good shape. He started screaming profanities and I told him they were going to be each other's karma. He said FU you are out of the will.
My sister is 42 and he is still throwing money at her. I suppose when he dies, she will get it all, if there is anything left. It was nice if him to buy multiple cars and nice presents for her all of these years.
