Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive

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all4peace

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Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« on: June 22, 2017, 10:36:28 AM »
Good morning, all.

In a PM, someone shared a bible verse that has often been on my mind in the last few years (Proverbs 16:2--all a person's ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord).

In another thread, I shared something my T has repeatedly reminded me of in our sessions. (see below)

If others are interested in having a discussion about this, I would love to have a thread full of verses that help you sort out your relationship with a PD and how you have figured out how to be a loving child of God while not becoming entirely devoured by the swirling emotions and feelings that come with relationship with a PD. It would be a good place to reference on those days when I feel like I'm drowning, a good reminder for those times we feel like the FOG is going to swallow us up again.

The most painful part of my journey Out of the FOG has been the incredible challenge of being a Christian (supposed to be loving, forgiving, in fellowship with others) while married and born into a PD family (lying, favoritism, meanness, narcissism, violence, hidden secrets). Trying to reconcile the two has sometimes left me feeling like I am a horrible unloving and unholy person. Until I started asking for help and was shown many bible verses that allowed me to protect myself, get distance, etc.


Here are the few that my T reminds me of and how they help me, taken from thread on IL forum:

1. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
2. Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
3. Take care of the beam in my own eye before worrying about the sliver in others.

Non-religious translation:
1. Get very clear about what we stand for in our own lives, and be true to that.
2. Assume the best intentions in others, but take protective action regardless. This isn't about "giving them a free pass" but more about emotionally disengaging and not drowning in bitterness over the way we've been treated.
3. Keep the focus on the things we have control over. We can get so stuck in ruminations about our ILs or other PDs that we actually develop a galloping case of fleas ourselves. So while there is so much work to be done (protect, defend, boundaries, etc) in coping with PDs, we need to be really careful that we don't accidentally start becoming the very things we're trying to get protection from.

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142757

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2017, 01:03:53 PM »
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(1 Corinthians 10:13) . . .No temptation has come upon you except what is common to men. But God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but along with the temptation he will also make the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
Don't think "I can't take anymore". Keep pushing, keep enduring and wait for Jehovah to bless you efforts.

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(1 Peter 2:19, 20) . . . For it is agreeable when someone endures hardship and suffers unjustly because of conscience toward God.  For what merit is there if you are beaten for sinning and you endure it? But if you endure suffering because of doing good, this is an agreeable thing to God.
Don't let someone push you into behaving like them or responding in an unChristian manner. PD is going to behave its way regardless whether we act the right way or the wrong way. At least make Jehovah happy by not letting ourselves become provoked.

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(Matthew 11:19) . . .All the same, wisdom is proved righteous by its works.. . .
Don't let outsiders uninformed opinions get us unduly upset. Eventually, the truth will come out & we will be vindicated.

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(Galatians 5:22, 23) . . .On the other hand, the fruitage of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith,  mildness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.
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(1 Corinthians 13:4-8) . . .Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up,  does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury.  It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails. . . .
Whatever action I take, I need to make sure it meshes with this checklist.

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(Luke 22:43, 44) . . . Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  But he was in such agony that he kept praying more earnestly. . .
Even Jesus, tho perfect, despite having just been helped by an angel, still found a situation so stressful that he found a need to pray like he had never had before. What does that say about me? Pray. Pray again. Pray some more. And after that, pray.

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(Proverbs 27:11) . . .Be wise, my son, and make my heart rejoice, So that I can make a reply to him who taunts me.
Jehovah & Satan are looking at all of us individually. I want to make God happy, not the Devil. I want to be an example Jehovah uses to prove the Devil a liar.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2017, 01:08:13 PM by 142757 »
"Somedays you just can't get rid of a bomb."

Adam West (Batman)
9/19/28 - 6/10/17

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2017, 06:38:47 PM »
Gal 1:15 we were separated from our mothers womb. This was a big one for me as an enmeshed / engulfed daughter raised as an extension of uPDm

1 Corinthians 5:11 specifically says not to keep company with someone verbally abusive

Genesis 2:4 and Jesus quoted this multiple times, the marriage bond is the #1 bond. Adam and Eve were advised of this when they were married, perfect and before they had children of their own, it was to be the way of things in a perfect world as the Garden extended beyond Eden's boundaries through the whole earth. The fact that imperfect humans refuse to accept this established way of things is of no consequence to the way God established the human family arrangement.

Marriage creates a new and separate family arrangement Matt 19:15 Mark 10:7,8

Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is the key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
If others were self observant, introspective, this forum would not exist

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raindrop

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2017, 01:42:11 PM »
Awesome idea for a thread!

"for the wisdom that comes from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." - James 3:17.
This ones been helping me sort between PD guilt inducing bible bashing and real wisdom.

"let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." - Romans 12:9

Matthew 9:16-17 - when you are a new creation, you need to do things a different way. You can't keep living in your family's sin (same with all the new creation passages in Paul's letters).

"anyone who loves mother or father more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" - matthew 10:37 - PDs who want us to enmesh or cater to everything they desire are essentially asking us to put them in the place of God in our lives. They must be the most important. But that's asking us to be idolatrous.

« Last Edit: July 14, 2017, 01:43:56 PM by raindrop »
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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Dinah-sore

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2017, 03:26:33 AM »
I love this!!!!

I am going to write these down in my journal. I have really taken comfort in how David ran from Saul. He did not retaliate or get even, but he went LC and NC to protect himself from flying spears.

I also feel like Gideon had to do things that his Father would be inpleased with, but he did them anyways.

Also, if you look closely at the story of Joseph. When his brothers came to Egypt for food, he set up a series of tests to see if they were still abusive. He especially wanted to see their reaction to him favoring Benjamin. Most teachers emphasize the forgiveness--"what you meant for evil, God used for good." But they don't emphasize the care he put into testing their behavior and response before he revealed himself to them. He had to see they had actually changed, before he reconciled fully. Even though he provided for their needs beforehand.

I was just thinking I wanted to do a study on Proverbs and Psalms, to see what they say about enemies and wicked people.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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142757

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2017, 12:13:11 PM »
I love this!!!!

I am going to write these down in my journal. I have really taken comfort in how David ran from Saul. He did not retaliate or get even, but he went LC and NC to protect himself from flying spears.

I also feel like Gideon had to do things that his Father would be inpleased with, but he did them anyways.

Also, if you look closely at the story of Joseph. When his brothers came to Egypt for food, he set up a series of tests to see if they were still abusive. He especially wanted to see their reaction to him favoring Benjamin. Most teachers emphasize the forgiveness--"what you meant for evil, God used for good." But they don't emphasize the care he put into testing their behavior and response before he revealed himself to them. He had to see they had actually changed, before he reconciled fully. Even though he provided for their needs beforehand.

I was just thinking I wanted to do a study on Proverbs and Psalms, to see what they say about enemies and wicked people.

Good examples. I like those!
"Somedays you just can't get rid of a bomb."

Adam West (Batman)
9/19/28 - 6/10/17

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raindrop

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2017, 07:39:46 AM »
I love this!!!!

I am going to write these down in my journal. I have really taken comfort in how David ran from Saul. He did not retaliate or get even, but he went LC and NC to protect himself from flying spears.

I also feel like Gideon had to do things that his Father would be inpleased with, but he did them anyways.

Also, if you look closely at the story of Joseph. When his brothers came to Egypt for food, he set up a series of tests to see if they were still abusive. He especially wanted to see their reaction to him favoring Benjamin. Most teachers emphasize the forgiveness--"what you meant for evil, God used for good." But they don't emphasize the care he put into testing their behavior and response before he revealed himself to them. He had to see they had actually changed, before he reconciled fully. Even though he provided for their needs beforehand.

I was just thinking I wanted to do a study on Proverbs and Psalms, to see what they say about enemies and wicked people.

Good examples. I like those!

Yeah I never thought of the Joseph story like that.. I always wondered why he did that, I think that explanation really makes sense.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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AmericanWoman

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2017, 11:26:33 AM »
Proverbs 21:19 kjv

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.



This is a warning to men not to mess with a P/O'ed woman or else, I reckon a few would still be alive today if they had heeded this advice    ;)

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PinkDress

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Re: Scripture that helps you cope, love, forgive
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2017, 03:02:15 AM »
I love this!!!!

I am going to write these down in my journal. I have really taken comfort in how David ran from Saul. He did not retaliate or get even, but he went LC and NC to protect himself from flying spears.

I also feel like Gideon had to do things that his Father would be inpleased with, but he did them anyways.

Also, if you look closely at the story of Joseph. When his brothers came to Egypt for food, he set up a series of tests to see if they were still abusive. He especially wanted to see their reaction to him favoring Benjamin. Most teachers emphasize the forgiveness--"what you meant for evil, God used for good." But they don't emphasize the care he put into testing their behavior and response before he revealed himself to them. He had to see they had actually changed, before he reconciled fully. Even though he provided for their needs beforehand.

I was just thinking I wanted to do a study on Proverbs and Psalms, to see what they say about enemies and wicked people.

LOVED this! Thanks so much for writing it all out.

I've recently compared my situation with my uNMIL to the David/Saul one. I keep asking myself, if David had young kids by Sauls daughter Michal, would Saul have pulled the same covert aggressive behaviors my nMIL has in order to let me know her rage against me, but to tow the line for the grandkids? Would David have allowed Saul access to his kids because "he was grandpa"? Certainly not. Yet, even from religious groups we are often taught grandparents HAVE to be in the kids lives, no matter how they treat you. Which is obviously not Biblical whatsoever.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2017, 03:03:53 AM by PinkDress »
"In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit." Anne Frank

"God sees people as His own treasures, so be careful how you treat them."

"No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth."