Fathers Day anger

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Kit99

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Fathers Day anger
« on: June 18, 2017, 12:14:27 PM »
I'm not going to sugar coat this post. I'm angry.  Angry that the man I married and had children with is such a poor excuse for a father and angry that there are many many parents out there who are actually worse than him! Divorce has a way of ruining pretty much every holiday. My exH of course wants to celebrate his greatness on Father's Day so he and his girlfriend get the kids today. Mind you this is the same man who didn't have time for them for a year when he was dating her and having "sleep overs" but now that she lives with him he feels the need to show her what a "great dad" he is. I know otherwise. It's a manipulation tactic and I wish karma would catch up with him.

I am mad at myself for being so angry and wanting him as far away as possible because what kind of mother wants that for her children?! I hate this. I hate all of it and no matter how many psych books and articles I read, the YouTube advice, and despite all the prayers I make, I am angry and I have such a hard time accepting any of this.

To all the men out there providing a good example for your children, thank you. The world needs a lot more of you.

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Whiteheron

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2017, 01:37:11 PM »
I understand your anger completely. I can see stbx doing exactly this when we are finally separated. He won't be able to help himself. His manipulation and hoovering of the kids started early today. He's trying so hard (nervous tics are out in full force). And yes, pre-filing stbx wanted nothing to do with the kids - he was rarely home, took extended "business trips" to be with gf. He would be gone for two weeks without even a phone call home to the kids. Claimed he was "too busy" - I'll bet he was. Now? He's the "perfect" dad. Always in the same room as them. One goes outside, he follows. Full force "fun dad." It's nauseating. He's manipulating them and I'm helpless to stop it. But then I see how happy the kids are that he's finally paying some attention to them. How can I get upset about that? I'm torn and I hate it.

So I understand. You're angry because you know it's fake, it's a show for his gf. It has nothing to do with the kids. He's using them for more supply - both from them and his gf. I too am waiting for Karma to step in and do it's thing.
No advice or words of wisdom. Just know you're not alone today.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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Latchkey

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2017, 05:02:51 PM »
Kit99,
I'm right there with you. Felt a wave of intense sadness this morning. It hit me so hard I found myself crying. I rarely cry lately but just the intensity and enormity of having 2 "failed" marriages. PD Dads for my wonderful kids that promised me the moon before we were married and when the kids were born and now scrape themselves along the bottom edge of whatever that dream was.

I went for a walk and now will try to catch up with my older daughters later and maybe get dinner and ice cream.... who both left the house early to be with friends. Friends who have Dads I would never want to be married too but who are still nuclear families. I'm angry this year more than others I think because I'm overwhelmed with all the work it has taken to bring my two oldest to adulthood and my younger guy through kindergarten and I see no end in sight. As the kids get bigger, their dreams get bigger too. I wish their Dad could be a part of this planning for their future.

I am so angry that my 2nd PD H was such a lousy step dad in the end as well. Today would have been a day where we ate barbecue and sat around with his family. Yes, they are PD riddled, and it sounds ridiculous, but I am angry that that was taken away from me and my girls as well. We had this "family" for 7 years and now it is gone. My D's former step grandma just gave her a graduation card with no $ in it and was recounting weird stories of my D's life that mostly involved concussions and broken ankles. I don't care about the money, but why send a damn card at all if you can't even be kind or pretend to care or remember a nice thing about your step grand kid.

So.....Going to try to enjoy the nice weather. Hope you are able to enjoy the rest of the day and take time for yourself. Try to take comfort in knowing that you did the right things.

 :bighug:
Latchkey
« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 05:06:06 PM by Latchkey »
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
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There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
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When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.

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Kit99

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2017, 09:18:26 PM »
Thanks for the support and kind words, Whiteheron and Latchkey. Every time I see him for exchanges with the kids it's like a scab is picked open. In a way, I suppose I should be happy that he's paying some attention to them regardless of his motivation. 

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A_newlife2014

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2017, 09:46:44 PM »
Divorce has a way of ruining pretty much every holiday.

 :yeahthat: So true, Kit.

I get it, there is not much more infuriating than the Father of the Year Act, especially in front of a new partner. It is totally enraging to see the PD in our lives who has caused us and our kids so much pain and damage suck in new supply, as well as our aforementioned children.

Know that she and the kids will likely see the light at some point, and yes, as painful and enraging as it is, at least when the PD is playing FOTY, they are not disappointing the kids, neglecting them, ignoring them. Sometimes we should be grateful when the mask is on, because at least our kids are somewhat protected in that bubble.

Breathe, accept, and focus on what you can control, because FOTY is the one-man show that is never going to end its run. So feel the feels, then take care of yourself, whatever form that takes, and come back renewed to be the awesome parent that you are to your kids.




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Kit99

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2017, 11:00:16 PM »
ANL- you're right... I need to focus on what I can control. I think the FOTY act upsets me so much because I've been duped by him before and while I sincerely want to believe that he has the kids' best interests in mind, experience tells me otherwise. It's an act to get attention and adoration. It is so hard to understand that some people operate like this.

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Stepping lightly

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2017, 01:38:07 PM »
We have the annoyance from the other side of Father's Day.  BM refuses to allow the kids to speak to us during our time (actually, they know better than to ask because "she will get really angry and kick them out"), and Mother's day, I am not given a phone call or acknowledged while they are at BM's (DH acknowledges me).  But...for FATHER's Day- they MUST call her BOYFRIEND who has been elevated to the status of "step-father holier than though".  HE is the man the kids must adore- it's sickening....BM even got slammed in court for it....but ever the NPD...she must make sure her BF is adored over the kids' father, even when everyone tells her that is damaging and wrong.  BF is a narc too.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2017, 09:42:31 AM by Spring Butterfly »

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Kit99

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Re: Fathers Day anger
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2017, 01:29:41 AM »
Stepping lightly- Ah yes, the hypocrisy...
It's infuriating.