Can you please give me a little support real quick?

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #20 on: June 25, 2017, 03:37:32 PM »
My brain [been there myself]:  "What am I thinking???  Are you fucking kidding me??  I'm thinking that I'm exhausted, wrung out and empty.  That I can't possibly be or do or say all the things you need - because I have a whole life outside of your needs while you suck me dry.  I can't take care of myself or my family because of the incessant calls and messages and requests and begging and demands. I'm thinking I need a freaking break from this, that you need something to occupy your time, that there is more to life than THIS."

Maybe that's just me - I felt tired and empty for you, just imagining all that going on call after call after text ... and part of the reason I blocked my mother's cell phone a while back. I couldn't take the same garbage being spewed on the phone, left on voicemails and texts, something had to go.

I feel for you, truly I do.  I'm so afraid I'd have snapped and blocked everything by now...

All of the above! And no, it's not just you moglow, I felt tired, empty and anxious reading about Dinah-sore's mom's phone call.

I am so sorry you're going through this constantly Dinah. Calling 8-15 times a day...not to mention texts and other social media is completely over the top. There is no one in this world I want to communicate with that much. I'm triggered just thinking about talking to my mom on the phone and I'd imagine you are too. That is an EXTREME amount of communication. I hope you're able to cut her short when she calls next time and the next time..and so on. Put on an annoyed tone of voice, sound impatient and exasperated with her and cut her short. She is being so rude to you, be rude back. I'm so angry that they keep getting away with this shit!!

She needs to leave you the hell alone.  :blowup:

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illogical

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #21 on: June 25, 2017, 04:01:29 PM »
Your mother sounds extremely toxic and smothering. 

I would hold fast to my boundaries.  She isn't likely going to concede any middle ground.  You may have to move toward less and less contact.  She apparently knows that you are setting boundaries and her pushback is that she's not going to compromise.  Everything you described in your latest conversation/confrontation with her was 100% all about her and zero regard for you.  No respect for you and your need for space here.

I went through this for about a year and a half with my NM.  She wouldn't compromise.  She wouldn't even give an inch.  Looking back, I really don't think she was capable of seeing me as a person with feelings and needs.  I was simply an object-- useful to her or not.  My NM pushed back on every boundary I set, so I had to keep decreasing my contact with her to protect myself.   I finally set the ultimate boundary-- NC.  It was the only way for me to have a life.  And btw, my mother was the "ignoring" type. 
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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #22 on: June 25, 2017, 04:02:58 PM »
There's not enough emoji here to cover my shock. It's exhausting just to read about it and can only imagine how emotionally spent you must be.

'8-15 times a day PLUS texts and other social media' ... I just have no words. With that level of enmeshed how could she possibly feel abandoned.

No words.
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Dinah-sore

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #23 on: June 25, 2017, 06:01:03 PM »
For the last several hours I have been researching and trying to get some perspective, but I am seeming to find myself in a bad place. I am having a panick attack right now, but I feel guilty about it too. Like I am making a big deal out of nothing.

So your responses are giving me comfort. You see a problem here too. Thank you.

My head is throbbing, I feel tremendous anxiety, my throat is hurting, my pulse is racing and I feel like I. Can't get enough oxygen. I also am having a hard time speaking to my kids. I have gone into my room and turned on the TV but I can't focus on it either. I am a mess. I have to go to a fancy party in a few hours and I don't know how to pull my head out of this haze. I feel mentally compromised. And self conscious about it. Like I have to go and hide that I am high (but I am not high) but I feel like I need to pretend that I am not "not all there"

Ugh.

And then this makes me wonder if I am PD because she flipped out when I took of my gps, but now I am flipping out because of a phone call.

But you guys say you felt exhausted just reading what happened. So is this reaction to be expected? I just didn't expect to feel this way right now.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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all4peace

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #24 on: June 25, 2017, 06:15:00 PM »
Do you have time or energy to go do something very physically strenuous? Drink a glass of cold water, calm your breathing, listen to some soothing or uplifting music, and/or go out and run off some cortisol.

You are making a really big change in your life, and fear and panic are very natural reactions. I lived in fear over the tiniest, teensy changes I made 2 years ago with ILs. Tons of fear, anxiety, dread, insomnia. But you will get through this, and then the next thing, and the next and the next until you have a list of things you've made it through and then you will start to genuinely feel strong and free and capable.

So, for now, do whatever it takes (healthily, of course) to get through the next few hours. Then tomorrow. And the next day. And soon bigger and bigger chunks of time will pass in which you're not feeling this way.

There's another woman on this forum (jenn....something) who has a very similar dynamic with her mother. Maybe if you can find some of her threads, you can absorb some of the strength she has found as she disentangled (and continues to) from a highly enmeshed and dysfunctional mother.

You can do this! You really can. You're talking to a bunch of people who have been where you are, and now we often are not. It's possible. You've got this! And it's ok to feel sick with fear and dread. It won't kill you. It's very uncomfortable, but it won't kill you. :bighug:

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Terichan

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #25 on: June 25, 2017, 06:21:44 PM »
 :bighug:

I'm so sorry your mother is doing this to you! She does sound completely exhausting.

I have one pice of advice for you, just for today. Can you use this party as a way to escape from thinking about your mother for a while? It could actually be good for you -- just say to yourself "I'm not going to think about my mother while I'm at this party. I'm going to dress up and enjoy myself and focus on the people who are there and talk to them about fun things and have fun and eat good food and drink and be merry, all without worrying/thinking/being upset about my mother. At all."

Because I think it would be really good for you to do that, just for tonight. If I were you I might even "forget" my cell phone when you go (unless you need it for the kids and babysitter, or something, but if so maybe your DH could do that?) If you don;t bring your cell then you KNOW your mother CAN'T reach you, just for those few hours. You'll be free. Free to focus on your own life and your own friends and your own existence, that has nothing to do with your mother at all.

Just a little advice, and another hug. I really hope you have fun at your fancy party tonight!!
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

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VividImagination

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #26 on: June 25, 2017, 07:44:39 PM »
And then this makes me wonder if I am PD because she flipped out when I took of my gps, but now I am flipping out because of a phone call.

I wanted to address this. The reason you are "flipping out" is because you are experiencing issues of C-PTSD. You described times when as a child your mother would force you to listen to her insanity for hours, causing you severe emotional trauma (when someone is so upset they disassociate, that's trauma) as well as significant physical discomfort. Your body doesn't understand that you're no longer a child and that you can now escape these insanity episodes, so it sends you right back into the physical response of fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, which involves flooding your body with cortisol. Cortisol is an extremely powerful chemical, and all the symptoms you are describing follow a cortisol rush exactly.

Your mother has done this to YOU through her desperate, over the top needs and demands that you (or any other human being) cannot possibly meet. She IS obsessed with you, and she IS stalking you. The fact that she's making PA jabs about being a stalker show that she does have some realization that her behavior is abnormal, but her needs apparently outweigh that embarrassment as well your privacy, well-being, and dignitiy, apparently.

I began thinking of a few questions why she's obsessed, like if she doesn't have enough to occupy her, OCD, etc, but then I realized it doesn't matter why. The fact is her obsession is HER problem, but yet it's causing YOU issues. This is not acceptable. It isn't your responsibility to bear the burden of your mother's abandonment issues that she refuses to address.

Terichan has great advice...turn off the phone. Give the babysitter your DH's number and leave your phone at home. Give your body a rest from the expectation that your M is blowing up your phone. Don't even turn it back on until tomorrow morning. You were busy, and you didn't have your phone on. Topic closed. She's not your jailer, and she does not get that kind of access to your life.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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practical

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #27 on: June 25, 2017, 08:19:12 PM »
The tiredness just washed over me reading about the 45 minute phone call with tears never mind all the other calls and messages and social media. I remember those calls from my M, and they leave you like a limp dishrag and in an utter haze. I'm so sorry you went through this today and as a child. If she cries again on the phone, please tell her "You are clearly upset, so we'll talk another time" and get off. This is psychological torture she is putting you through, especially as it is triggering for you. With F I'm now solidly at "You need to talk to a therapist or a spiritual guide about this." whenever he wants to dump on me in this kind of fashion. You aren't her psychiatrist, mother, spouse, healer, toxic garbage dump and whatever else she needs you to be. Please, try to see yourself as an independent human being with your own rights.

She said she has abandonment issues--people always abandon her and then lie about it saying she did nothing wrong. That I am doing the same thing. Everyone does this to her.
So the logical question is, as she is the common denominator in all of those relationships, what is it about her that she ends up with nobody wanting to be close to her? What does she do? If she smothers other people like she does you, even if she only does one tenth or one hundredth of it, everybody is going to run for the hills. This has nothing to do with you, it is about her, and she is using her abandonment issues to guilt trip you, but not to do something about it herself, like seeking out a therapist, joining some kind of group etc.

I take notes during my conversations with F and used to do the same with M, because otherwise I would end up doubting reality, because so much of what is said is simply so out there it is hard to fathom anybody says it. It also has another function, by writing it down I let go of it, I entrust it to my phone diary.

:bighug:
« Last Edit: June 25, 2017, 08:23:17 PM by practical »
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VividImagination

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #28 on: June 25, 2017, 08:44:30 PM »
So the logical question is, as she is the common denominator in all of those relationships, what is it about her that she ends up with nobody wanting to be close to her? What does she do? If she smothers other people like she does you, even if she only does one tenth or one hundredth of it, everybody is going to run for the hills. This has nothing to do with you, it is about her, and she is using her abandonment issues to guilt trip you, but not to do something about it herself, like seeking out a therapist, joining some kind of group etc.

This is exactly it. She knows she's the problem, and she knows that you are one of her last people. She's trying to guilt you into staying instead of addressing her issues.

Like a leech, she will use you up and suck you dry, then move on to the next person. Or you can save yourself and forcibly remove her by setting boundaries, thus making her move on before you are destroyed.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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Terichan

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #29 on: June 26, 2017, 12:13:32 AM »
Dinah, I hope you're feeling better and out having fun at the party! I also wanted to address this part of your post:

And then this makes me wonder if I am PD because she flipped out when I took of my gps, but now I am flipping out because of a phone call.

Vivid pointed out that you "flipping out" is most likely C-PTSD, and I agree. Your mother has done this to you from childhood, it's definitely trauma, and it's horrible. It takes a lot to heal from this kind of trauma. A lot of work on ourselves and, especially, moving away from the person who is still traumatizing you. Many of us here understand what you're feeling on a gut level, being raised by PD is incredibly traumatizing, make no mistake.

I'd also like to point out that there is a HUGE difference in the way you are flipping out and your mother is flipping out. You mother is flipping out AT YOU. She senses that she is losing her control over you over this whole GPS thing and she is coming AT you. She's calling you, texting you, crying at you, wailing at you, she's attacking you emotionally. That's how she's flipping out. By dumping all of her horrid emotional garbage ON YOU.

You, on the other hand, are flipping out internally. All you are doing is trying to claim a piece of your own life, your mother is attacking you for it, and you are responding by internalizing these horrible feelings. You feel upset, freaked out, it's hard for you to breathe, and you're trying to hold everything together inside your own self. You're not calling your mother 20 times in 12 hours, you're not making her listen to you cry hysterically for 45 minutes while you tell her how awful she is, you're not slapping your kids around, you're not screaming at your husband, or your children, or the people here on this forum. You went into your room, by yourself, to try to calm down by watching TV, and you've tried to pull yourself together for this party, even though you were so upset you could barely breathe.

HUGE difference, HUGE. It's the difference between a PD and an non, it's the difference between an attacker and a victim, it's the difference between being the abuser and being the one who is being abused.

Please take care of yourself. We are here to help and support you. Oh how I hope you're having fun at your party!!

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #30 on: June 26, 2017, 02:14:12 AM »
I hope you're having a nice time at the party, with your phone OFF.   :)

You can always call or text her tomorrow - if you feel like it.   :meh:

Frankly, I don't know how you stand it!  I was exhausted just reading your post!   :sharkbait:

UnBPD Didi used to drive people away with her clinginess and neediness, while acting like *she was doing them a favor* in needing a ride or being allowed to tag along on a shopping trip.   :roll:

Then she'd go on one of her, "I didn't do anything wrong!  People are SO mean to me!" rants/crying jags and I'd be like you - stuck on the couch, terrorized, having to listen to her and never saying the right thing - until I got old enough to run the hell away from her at the first sign of one of her moods. 

She drove everybody out of her life - even unNPD Ray, who lived at the other end of the house in his isolated pockets among the hoard and would only interact with her to pick fights.   :stars:

She even lost me, in the end.  I refused to be her emotional toilet and on-call SLAVE.

I suggest you do the same.   :yes:

The next time she starts crying when she's on the phone with you, tell her only, "I can't talk to you when you get like this.  Goodbye." - and hang up.

If she gets snippy, snotty, nasty or obsessively demands you put the GPS back on, call her more, wants to know what you're thinking or insists you're abandoning her - I'd do the same thing.

"Mom.  I can't talk to you when you get like this.  Goodbye."

She insists she doesn't like when people lie to her - well, I'm dead certain she doesn't like when people tell her the truth, either - not everybody who dropped her did it with an, "It's not you - it's me."

I'm sure some did tell her she's too needy and clingy - and I'm sure she didn't accept it, because I know Didi certainly couldn't, insisting she didn't BOTHER people with her demands, which she called requests or "advice."   :blink:

But...you could try it, and watch the fur fly:  "Mom...you are smothering me with your constant calls and texts.  I am not answering anything from you for the next two days.  Goodbye."

I think the only thing that will do is make her call and text you twice as often.   :aaauuugh:

What I really think would be a GREAT idea is to buy a new phone and not give her the number. 

If transferring all your other contacts is a PITA, you can ask nice folks at the shop to do it for you.

Keep your current phone as your "mom phone" - and turn it OFF most of the time, leave it in a drawer and check messages only once a day - or every other day.

If it triggers you too much, you could ask your DH to check them for you and relay anything important - such as *actual requests for information or details about upcoming events.*

This isn't a matter of weaning her off of you - it's a matter of prying her grubby fingers off you, one death-grip digit at a time, before she drowns or suffocates you completely with her never-ending NEED.

Your T seems like a really good one, and your T can encourage you - maybe you can't tell your mom that calling 8-15 times a day is obsessive, unhealthy and smothering, but YOU can decide it is - and decide what YOUR boundaries are.   :yes:

I'd say anything more than once a week, for 15 minutes, tops (unless you're making plans about something - I mean, things do happen) - is WAY over the line.

If she becomes emotionally abusive (crying, yelling) or makes pithy remarks - the call ends, even if it's before the 'target' time.

With the way your mom is acting about the GPS - and yes, I'm pretty sure that 2-hour cry-o-ramma WAS about the GPS, among other things (she senses changes in you), I'd ixnay her inclusion on the family vacation.

You love her - but there have to be consequences for bad behavior.  That's her consequence. 

Tell her nothing other than your plans changed and the trip is off - and when you DO go, that mom phone stays OFF, and more importantly, HOME in a drawer.   8-)

She is not going to sit on the floor and *pine* for your return.  She won't wither away into dust.  She won't stop eating or taking care of herself.  She will...dun-dun-DUNNNNNN   :bigwink: - go about living her life and blowing up your phone, with increasing desperation and fake "emergencies" she'll figure out on her own.

People like your mom are *remarkably* resourceful - you saw it with her oh-so-clever (not!) plan with Snapchat/Snapmap.   >:(

She will be FINE.

But you won't be, as long as she has a strangle-hold on you, your emotions, and your life.

It's time to drop ALL the leashes and tethers.

You CAN do this, Dinah!   :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

You do not OWE her your constant attention.  You deserve a life of your own! 

 :hug:

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raindrop

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #31 on: June 26, 2017, 03:55:14 AM »
Oh my goodness Dinah this is so horrible! On top of the amazing support already here I just want to remind you it is not your fault. You are NOT making her feel this way. She is making HERSELF feel this way and then blaming you. If she can't control the way she feels she needs to go to a therapist. Next time she rings tell her so and then end the convo.
Also, consider a time out (its in the toolbox). It sounds like you need a breather from this outrageous behaviour.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
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lightworld

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #32 on: June 26, 2017, 08:20:37 AM »
Dinah. I'm so sorry, what you're going through sounds truly awful and  it is totally abnormal. It is not your fault, your mother has a real problem and  it's her problem not yours.

You've received excellent advice here and I just wanted  to add to what WI said about having a Mom phone. I've had a Dad phone for two years now and I can definitely recommend it. I turn it on once a week and get DH to listen to messages. At first I couldn't settle thinking F would be so furious, be falling apart because I wasn't there to fix things, would rage at me when I did phone etc. I still jump when phones ring but it's got better slowly but surely. And surprise surprise, as others have pointed  out, my father managed on his own. I now phone once a week or less for 10-15 minutes. If he starts bullying or raging or PAing me I cut the call, a simple "got  go Dad, speak soon" or "we'll talk later when you calm down Byeeeee" and then cut the call.

Believe me nothing happens, the sky does not fall, your M will be OK, she'll keep trying to enmesh you but basically she'll survive. You can do this Dinah and the sooner you start the sooner you can have your own life, it's SO worth it. LW :bighug:
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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #33 on: June 26, 2017, 09:42:39 AM »
Dinah I hope you had an awesome and wonderful time at the party, that you were able to gather yourself up enough to enjoy your life a little bit.

Just a little bit further on what you are experiencing, emotional flashback is a very real thing and it feels terrible. I remember well the many times I was in full flashback and it is so very painful. You can read more here at this link http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm

Mindful meditation and grounding meditations and practices to help me stay in the moment in my present adulthood really helped also.
· Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
· Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
· It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
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daughter

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #34 on: June 26, 2017, 11:06:27 AM »
Dinah, how old is your mother?  Has she ever had a psych screening?  Her behavior is overtly disordered; it suggests a mental health intervention is truly needed - really.

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bohemian butterfly

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #35 on: June 26, 2017, 03:31:17 PM »
Dinah,

I'm just catching up and read this entire thread.  I wanted to first say, bravo to you!  You handled yourself like a champ and I'm so very, very proud!!!  You are doing an AMAZING job, keep up the good work.

No, you are not crazy and you do not have a PD.  Like others have said, you are having a normal reaction to crazy.  You probably have C-PTSD. 

My mother is also the enmeshed type, but yours is UBER-enmeshed and I'm so very sorry because I know how hard these types are.  They have their claws in deep, but YOU have the power to disengage, but it is hard to see because it's like you are brainwashed.

You probably feel guilty and question yourself, is it really that bad???  Yes, it is.  She is acting like a crazed lover, needing to know your every move.  Calling so many times a day!   That is ridiculous!

Her tears, her guilt tripping, her pleas, her screams, ARE NOT YOUR FAULT!   She is the imbalanced one and you are not her therapist.  You WERE a child.  You WERE stuck before (for survival) but believe it or not, you are FREE now.  You have the keys.  You must look deep inside and really feel that. 

You can do it!!!!!

Keep reading, keep posting.  We are here for you!!!!

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practical

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #36 on: June 26, 2017, 05:28:05 PM »
Dinah, when I was in my mid20s I studied abroad for a year, this was when long distance calls were still expensive and there was no internet yet. Still every day M called me, every night I wrote a letter to her, to make it easier on her, because she was so alone without me according to her. At the time I thought this was perfectly normal and what good daughters do and that I was lucky to have a mother who loved her daughter so much- this despite being anorexic at the time and having a hunch there was some link there somewhere. I didn't have a life of my own, I didn't have time to make friends, because my time away from my studies was spent soothing M. It was the same after I came back and moved to another city, didn't continue living at home. M would come and visit when it suited her (not me), because she needed to see HER daughter and get a refill of attention and love from me. In retrospect it was as if the umbilical cord had never been cut.

As I started to set boundaries she didn't like it, I was accused of being selfish etc., I was fighting for survival so it didn't matter anymore to me and I had the support of DH. I also had a phone just for M, because I couldn't deal with her multiple calls a day anymore which often were quite lengthy. Ultimately I had to go NC for a couple of years because I got so sick with depression and I needed the space NC gave me to heal.

Please take your life back, it is yours. Yes, your M gave birth to you (in case she says "But I'm your mother!"), but on your birth certificate it doesn't say that she owns you. What you experienced yesterday, the haze, the tiredness, it is your body telling you this is all too much. Please listen to it before you get seriously sick.
“If I’m not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when I’m only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Dinah-sore

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #37 on: June 27, 2017, 03:07:20 AM »
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you guys. You helped me so much these last few days. I ended up going to the party last night and having a good time, trying to put it all out of my head. Today I was thinking about it, and I realized that I used to ALWAYS do that growing up. I also noticed that I wasn't exactly my "true self" last night. I was a comedian. Just like when I was younger. I was so busy cracking jokes and trying to laugh that I wasn't exactly connecting as much with people, as I was just trying to have a good time and escape. I don't know if that is exactly a bad thing, I was just kind of evaluating how I handled the situation. I think I deal with stress and anxiety through humor. Once I can make people laugh I feel okay, I feel good.  I don't know.

So today I saw my T and told her what had happened. She was so supportive. She told me I took a huge step, and that I have been changing a lot. That my BPDm is revealing narcissist qualities too, and that I need to hold on and know that I am not hurting my mom. She told me, "She will be okay." And to keep setting boundaries. We were talking about how to avoid getting stuck in these draining conversations with my mom. Just like you guys said, about being able to stop her and the manipulation and angry outbursts. I don't have to be her sponge. She said to limit the conversation from the get go, "Hi mom, I am going to have to go in a bit..." So I can get off the phone easily if I need to. Also, she said that if this stuff happens around my kids I need to ask her to go. She is so calm, she demonstrates how to calmly speak to my mom. She said, "Just say, 'Mom, I don't want to discuss this in front of the children, I think you need to leave and we can continue this conversation when we have cooled down, later."

The thought of one day having the stones to tell my mom to leave, when she is doing her thing scares me to death. But I have so much hope that because of your support and her support I WILL be strong enough to determine what I won't accept in our relationship.

Thank you so much for the C-PTSD and emotional flashback information too. It was so helpful to understand what is going on with me biologically. I still feel pretty anxious. Nothing like yesterday, just also quite lost in my head. I haven't talked to my BPDm since the 45 minute "you don't love me enough" cry fest yesterday morning, but every so often I get hit with a guilt pain. "Your mom just told you you need to call more, and she feels abandoned, and you haven't called her." She hasn't called since. It feels like she is waiting for me to call her. I thought I might just call her for a second a couple times this evening. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't want to do it out of obligation or manipulation, plus I still feel pretty beat up and weak from yesterday. I don't want her to twist me up in the head.

And then this makes me wonder if I am PD because she flipped out when I took of my gps, but now I am flipping out because of a phone call.

I wanted to address this. The reason you are "flipping out" is because you are experiencing issues of C-PTSD. You described times when as a child your mother would force you to listen to her insanity for hours, causing you severe emotional trauma (when someone is so upset they disassociate, that's trauma) as well as significant physical discomfort. Your body doesn't understand that you're no longer a child and that you can now escape these insanity episodes, so it sends you right back into the physical response of fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, which involves flooding your body with cortisol. Cortisol is an extremely powerful chemical, and all the symptoms you are describing follow a cortisol rush exactly.

Your mother has done this to YOU through her desperate, over the top needs and demands that you (or any other human being) cannot possibly meet. She IS obsessed with you, and she IS stalking you. The fact that she's making PA jabs about being a stalker show that she does have some realization that her behavior is abnormal, but her needs apparently outweigh that embarrassment as well your privacy, well-being, and dignitiy, apparently.


This made so much sense and set my mind at peace. Thank you.

To all of you, everyone, all of your comments were sooooooooo helpful, validating, encouraging, and practical. I appreciate so much the support. I needed it so bad. Thank you very very much.
"I had to accept the fact that, look, this is who I am. I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are. And whenever we submit our will, because our will is a gift, our will is given to us, whenever we submit our will to someone else's opinion a part of us dies." --Lauryn Hill

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practical

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #38 on: June 27, 2017, 09:36:13 PM »
Happy you made it to the party and I think it is all to understandable that you were not connecting like usual as you had just been through major trauma with your M. Humor can be a good defense mechanism, it deflects possible questions when you feel vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with it. I have used a lot of black humor over the years to deal with M and F.

Your T sounds awesome! How absolutely wonderful to have found somebody so supportive and who knows about boundaries. And yes, you'll be able to say those words and many more to your M over time. It comes with understanding of your situation, self-care and realizing how strong you are underneath it all.
“If I’m not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when I’m only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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strivingfornormal

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Re: Can you please give me a little support real quick?
« Reply #39 on: June 28, 2017, 12:13:35 AM »
If I were you I would get rid of my smart phone and just get a basic cell. IMO she has an obsession and needs a fix each time, it's giving her some sort of relief each time to know where you are but my sense I'd the issue is linked to sth in her past.