Sorting through feelings on this one

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sonto92

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Sorting through feelings on this one
« on: July 04, 2017, 03:41:55 PM »
Not sure what to make of my feelings on this one. My wife and I bought a new fancy car. My oldest son took me to the airport in our new car and then took the car over to my bpdx's without telling anyone. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way and really rubbed my wife the wrong way. Of course there is always a long back story but I can sum it up quickly by stating that I dont trust my bpdx or her current husband at all. I don't want (and have not) discouraged my son to have a relationship with his mom and their family. He recently made the decision to move in with my wife and I. I have been no-contact with my bpdx for seven years now and have worked hard to put boundaries in place. My bpdx and her husband have done everything they can to try and disrupt our lives over the last 3 years that my wife and I have been together and my wife is very resentful about this.
To be honest - I have no idea what I'm going to do. Part of me wants to just say I am acting petty and I should be bigger than this. At the same time, my complete absence of trust with my bpdx is very real.

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WesternLover

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Re: Sorting through feelings on this one
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2017, 07:15:50 PM »
Hi Sonto92 -

I don't think you're being petty. I know my son's uASPD and uNPD dad is very vindictive, and I'd be totally worried he would do something to my new car. I mean anything from keying it, to putting a slow leak in the tires, to putting some kind of tracking device on it.  Oh and not to mention he really did tell some mutual friends he wanted to plant drugs in my car and call the cops so I would go to jail and lose custody of our son.   I wouldn't want my son taking it over to his house either.

PLUS, speaking about petty, my son's PD dad has a very "keeping up with the Jones' " mentality. He is extremely materialistic and judges a person's worth on what they have materially, and how much money they make. He worships money, and I believe most likely stretches himself thin financially, by not only owning a nice house and supped up pick-up truck, but also having dirt bikes, a sand rail, an RV, leather furniture - the works. Meanwhile the guy hasn't paid a dime in child support in years, and very negligible amount the first five years of our son's life. For the first time in 7 years, I got brave enough to file child support against him in May. We have an upcoming hearing in a week, and surprise, he refused to pick up the child support paperwork certified mail.

PD dad and our son sometimes have video chats over the Apple Facetime app. He is always asking our son to show him the outside of our house, our backyard, the interior of the house because he wants to check out our goods. I think he also may want to see what the house looks like if he ever decides to come after us someday.  One time he made a comment to our son about how we have no crown molding where the wall meets the ceiling. "You guys need to actually get some crown molding in there..."  said the guy who has all sorts of discretionary income because he doesn't have to support his kid. I wanted to reach through the phone and knock his teeth down his throat.

So no, Sonto92, this is not normal people we're talking about here. I don't think you're being petty at all, probably saving yourself some drama. I could also see PD saying something like "Oh I see you got a new car, so you have to take MY money to pay for it. How about getting a second job, white trash???" Yes he calls me white trash often because I don't live in a house that is over $500,000.  The new car can open the door for all sorts of PD drama and insults.

Does your son have his own car by chance?  Maybe you can ask him to please use his own car when his visits with his mom. I'm guessing your son probably had no idea of the Pandora's box he was opening. I would go easy on him the first time around, and just try asking him not to bring your car over there again?
« Last Edit: July 04, 2017, 07:19:27 PM by WesternLover »

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sonto92

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Re: Sorting through feelings on this one
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2017, 09:16:45 PM »
Westernlover - thanks for the feedback.  It's kind of a weird situation because i am actually out of town and trying to deal with this long distance.  I am pretty sure that at the bottom of this is that this has tripped my boundaries alarm big time.  When you had mentioned the facetime tours of your place the hair stood up on the back of my neck.  My BPDx has done that on several different occasions and it feels like such a huge violation of my privacy.  I really appreciate the feedback - it's hard to explain somebody why this bothers me so much to someone that doesn't understand what life is like dealing with a disordered person.  I am going to talk with my son when I get home.