Miss my kids so much

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Crushed_Dad

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Miss my kids so much
« on: July 30, 2017, 06:59:53 PM »
Left the house for my dads 60 miles away yesterday morning. First time in 2 years I left her and the final time, there's no going back now. Normally I spend every weekend with the kids no matter what, henpecked, hungover whatever.

I miss them so much and the realisation that I'm never going to live with them full time again is Absolutely heartbreaking, knowing theyre at her full disposal and that the time we'll spend together from now on will always be too short.....

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Crushed_Dad

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Re: Miss my kids so much
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2017, 01:31:09 PM »
I just proposed to see them 3 weekends in every 4, with exclusivity to the house I pay for but they all live in.

That was met with every other weekend, arriving at 9am sat and leaving at 3pm Sun. Also she would need to sleep at the house on the Saturday night as our DD (almost 3) wakes up a lot still. That means I'll be able to see my children for 30 in every 336 hours, alternatively 91% of the time they'll be without a Dad who's done nothing wrong.

Now, my response initially was anger, but now I'm seeing that this is no holds barred. I need to be as calculating as she is. So as a result I've drafted a response asking the following....

Do you think it's in the kids' best interests that over 90% of the time I'm not in their lives?
Do you think that'll have a positive impact on their relationship with me and other men?
Is there a reason you're restricting access so heavily?

I've also made clear that if her time with the kids is exclusive the same ought to apply and that given she'll have access to her Mum's and a car she needs to highlight why that wouldn't be ok?

Lastly I said that if she was unwilling to talk realistically I'd follow up with mediation.

Lets see if she's clever enough to see that I'm offering enough rope for her to hang herself.....
« Last Edit: July 31, 2017, 01:34:00 PM by Crushed_Dad »

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Intrepid

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Re: Miss my kids so much
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2017, 08:35:09 PM »
I cant say much that would relieve your stress...but I have been there...I would suggest hardball like  you said.
I let my wife leave the country because I did not know I could get an injunction and stop her.
If it helps at all....my kids are all adults now and my closest buddy is my son. My daughter is also close and one passed away.
Pulling for you... Glad you have your Dad.

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Miss my kids so much
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2017, 11:22:37 PM »
Thankfully I have my son 70% of the time  but I get the grief you are enduring.  It-s really hard to hand your child over to the pds  even for a short time.

Once the parenting plan is sorted out and you can start to have some routine  and rebuild your life, it does get a little easier. But the sadness of losing the dream stays for a long time.

Mediation may be helpful. The mediator may be able to guide you to a plan that is "normal" and acceptable by the court. But mediation is awful with pds.

All the best.

AOD

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Crushed_Dad

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Re: Miss my kids so much
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2017, 03:39:19 AM »
Thanks for the replies.... helpful to know I'm not the only one.

After blanking the previous email and saying let mediation sort it out I asked her whether she really felt lashes had the kids interests at heart by doing that.

Since then she's been on the full blown Hoover. I think it's the realisation that she can't put such a stringent demand on the kids without looking "guilty" and at the same there's a sense of abandonment.

Issue now is that whilst she's pleading for me to come home, offering marriage counselling with no subject off limits, offering to do stuff together ( our social lives have been totally independent for 4 years) I don't believe a word of it. Any change would only be temporary .

Now I'm scared to convey that message through fear of reprisals, any help would be gratefully received....