BPDm says she is scared of me????

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Fightsong

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Re: BPDm says she is scared of me????
« Reply #40 on: August 18, 2017, 11:44:19 AM »
Hello Dinah-sore; I'm late to this party but I wanted to say I just nearly spat my drink out reading those words in your original post. My M has often said that kind of thing to me too.  'I was scared of you'. 'i thought you'd be angry', 'I'm afraid of you', Holding her hands up to her face etc .  Its impossibly infuriating isn't it?  For example - She would come visit and bring a pile of stuff she bought the kids ( the usual type of gifts so often discussed on here) - and then go 'I didn't show you earlier cos I thought you'd be angry with me'. Like I'm some big horrible monster, when in fact I asked her not to buy loads of crap on a previous occasion.

I have some difficulty with it because of course, I am deeply deeply angry with her, but that of course runs far deeper than whatever petty incident it is in that moment. Like "No Mom I'm not angry cos you ate the cake / bought the T shirt / " I'm angry about sooooooooo much else". But my anger seeps out I guess. Or I fear.

I applaud you for being as clear- headed and boundaried as you are. I still have to stay far away still for fear that I will loose my self completely either into the fog again or  else  say something that will really hurt her. But its less satisfactory, because it feels like avoidance. I did confront her face to face once about something - she walked out the room.

keep up the strong work you are doing

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VividImagination

  • Fear is not real; it is a product of the thoughts you create. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. - After Earth
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Re: BPDm says she is scared of me????
« Reply #41 on: August 18, 2017, 12:40:10 PM »
"You're right...I am angry because you keep ignoring my very reasonable requests. In the future if you cannot follow the guidelines for my children we will just have to stop the visits. I understand how that would be upsetting, but only you can control your choices."

Throw it right back in their face.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.