Wandering over a bit early.

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1footouttadefog

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Wandering over a bit early.
« on: August 11, 2017, 12:56:49 PM »
I have been mostly in the chosen board.  I also participate in working on us and common behaviours.

I pretty gave up on committed to working on it years back.  I am working but not with a deep felt commitment that I want, will or even can stay.

Recent events have clarified that this may not even be possible.

My kids are getting older, one is in college.  The other a few years away. 

I think I will be continuing to work on it and living in peace.  However I no longer feel this is a live sentence.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I am hoping things will become more clear with time.

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Frothed out

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Re: Wandering over a bit early.
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2017, 01:19:11 PM »
I have been back and forth and all over the place lately.  I find it helps to plan out options so there's less anxiety with the idea of change.  You don't have to choose these options, but play them out so you are ready for anything.  Keep focus on yourself, treat yourself good.  You deserve it!


Froth.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

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xredshoesx

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Re: Wandering over a bit early.
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2017, 01:27:36 PM »
i didn't have the boards here at OOTF when i was with my ex, but if i did, i would of been working on it until i wasn't anymore, a process that took about 4 months from start to finish.  if nothing else that part of the process left me knowing 100% certain that i was done vs any kind of knee-jerk decision i may have made in the past-  the one thing i did different is i started recording what was going on in a diary of sorts and seeing my pain in writing made it a whole lot harder to stay in that committed camp.   other people have success with staying and i love that, and i don't feel that i failed because i left- i think i just came to the point that my ex was not as invested in the relationship as i was, and that was something that no amount of commitment from me was ever going to change.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Wandering over a bit early.
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2017, 02:36:24 PM »
I do not a few things down just in case, but I don't need proof or anything like that.  It is legal to divirse in the USA and I will when the time is right.  I have decided to wait the time out re the kids.  If need be I will separate when the youngest is 17 since the year of separation is required in my state.


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1footouttadefog

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Re: Wandering over a bit early.
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2017, 12:57:24 AM »
Funny how they can sense a change and become all mister nice guy.

Ever since a recent conversation where my pdh said this is not working maybe we should go our separate ways etc.  And I answered him, you are right there is nothing  here.  And he said what should we do and I responded live peacefully for a couple more years then figure out what to do for the kids.

Ever since that he has mellowed and is acting better for the most part. 

I am not sure it's a hoover, bit just how my pdh works, he moves on like nothing ever happened.  I. The bad guy for rembering it all and not changing g how I feel like flipping a switch.