An Update

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redfish

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An Update
« on: August 18, 2017, 08:27:06 AM »
Just an update: court was ok I guess. What happened is they did not (my ex and his lawyer) agree to modify custody, my ex got mandated to counseling, our daughter was mandated to counseling and we both have to accompany her which should be super fun and not uncomfortable for me at all  :stars:  I got mandated though I already go to counseling, it's now court ordered that neither of us disparage the other parent to our daughter or discuss court or adult issues, neither of us is allowed to consume alcohol or drugs 12 hrs prior to visitation or during.
Next court day is for review of counseling, in about five weeks.
Yesterday for the first time in our daughter's life I witnessed my ex greet her warmly and excited to see her. I've never seen that before. So the manipulation of her for her counseling is already beginning.....
I'm praying the counselors involved will see what's really going on. My lawyer seems to think they will. Mine already does. She tried to get a Custody Evaluation done but Family Services shot that down- their main concern being the time and resources to do it. We do have a trial date in case it's needed.
So I don't know what's going to happen. I'm pretty discouraged. But I'm gonna keep fighting for as long as I'm able.
If Cinderella went back to pick up her shoe she never would've become a princess

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Diavore

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Re: An Update
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2017, 06:06:30 PM »
I love your tag line.  I'm a big regretter of the past so Cinderella shoe will be helpful.  :)

Oh how I wish my uBPDn would be court ordered to counseling as that would be the nail in his coffin as he would never go!

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redfish

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Re: An Update
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2017, 09:17:41 AM »
I love your tag line.  I'm a big regretter of the past so Cinderella shoe will be helpful.  :)

Oh how I wish my uBPDn would be court ordered to counseling as that would be the nail in his coffin as he would never go!
Thanks, I read that quote somewhere and thought it was brilliant!
PDs are great at fooling professionals so I'm 50/50 on whether it will help in my situation. I will certainly update after I hear something.
I guess even the extensive psychology tests, called '730' or something like that, can be manipulated. Which is very unfortunate.
If Cinderella went back to pick up her shoe she never would've become a princess

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Diavore

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Re: An Update
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2017, 09:54:04 AM »
All I can say is be brutally honest in counseling but in a direct unemotional way.  Mine played the part, calm as can be, with his pre-rehearsed dialogue, etc and it was both shocking and creepy.  I sat there in total disbelief but also scared to call Bullshit.  Fearful that Id appear confrontational, he'd retaliate, etc.  I hindsight, I wish I had simple uttered the words "that's not the truth" every time he lied, and allowed the counselor to examine it further from there.

My own counselor told me that BPD's do often get by professionals BUT...theres no doubting them at the moment when they reveal themselves and that moment happens when their mask is pulled off.  It may be inadvertently, brought on by a question asked by the counselor that they don't have a pre-hearsed answer for, it may be a suggestion made y the counselor on something they can be doing differently, etc.  My therapist said that the very moment this happens the result is always the same, the BPD will explode, usually storm out and never come back.  More often than not, they have a few choice words for the counselor on their way out but if youre there that will likely be directed at you.

Looking back, that is EXACTLY what happened when he and I went to couples counseling but when my daughter was referred for a pysch eval, he made sure were never there together by being a no show, cancelling, rescheduling, etc so he would have his opportunity to snow the counselor behind my back.  I didn't realize it until it was too late because my childs well being was my focus, not his nonsense.

My point is, if you can, push him to reveal himself.  No details are necessary, no emotions, just simple, confident, self assured "That is not the truth."  If you see the counselor separately, same simple, confident, self assured "He does not tell the truth."

It took my 4 yr old child being referred to a psychologist for anxiety and seeing how little her father cared about her in comparison to his own false image to even begin to realize that he was a BPD-N.  Had I been armed with all the knowledge I have now going into it, it would have turned out WAY differently.

Best of luck to you.