Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??

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moglow

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Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« on: August 24, 2017, 08:28:04 PM »
There's a hurricane currently churning in the Gulf of Mexico - it's that time of year and part of life in the South (US). Other areas of the country get earthquakes, tornados, snow storms, etc. It is what it is and we all pay attention, and plan accordingly.

Ant time now we'll be getting "OMG there's a HURRICANE in the GULF, have you heard anything from xyz???" voicemails and texts. Yes, because the adults in question don't realize this is a possibility wherever they are, and can't possibly be prepared or evacuate without mommie dearest in full on panic. Then "where are you going, what are you going to doooooo" even though (for now at least) I'm nowhere near the projected path. Hell, if there were a need for me to "do something," a. I'd be focused on getting me and mine to a safe dry place pronto, and b. Going to her house or feeding her frenzy would be the last thing on my mind.

Years ago I worked with emergency management and spent many nights and weekends up to and after storms on duty in a variety of shelters. She knew this, but she kept leaving numerous voicemails begging me to call, even knowing knowing I was working and danger had passed. No clue that recovery was a hard process, that waiting out the storm was the easy part. But no, she's in a panic because her yard is muddy and what if she needed to go to the store ...

Anyhow, it just got me thinking how she buys into any and every panic and potential drama, wondered if others have experienced the same.
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SmolderingDragon

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2017, 08:57:00 PM »
Yep, my M feeds on the media's panic/drama/hype just like a vampire feeds on blood.  I'm just ever-so-thankful that this particular hurricane is nowhere near where we live or else M would have the panic level up to Defcon 1.  This from the same woman who keeps the hurricane shutters up to the windows year-round and literally has 50 gallons of water and enough food hoarded to last 5 years.  :doh:

Myself, I'm completely jaded and don't pay any attention to the media hype.  And it seems that every year they get worse and worse with it.  It's like they're desperately trying to will even the weakest tropical waves to come here.  :roll:  I really can't stomach watching the local news anymore it's gotten so bad.  I know when to take it seriously.  I've been through it enough times in my life.
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VividImagination

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2017, 09:00:17 PM »
We experience extreme weather conditions in our area as well. NM always demanded that all of her children "evacuate" to her home despite never having been officially evacuated. Some lived 2-3 hours away, and she expected them to leave their own homes and jobs to sit out the storm with her, even though her home was nearer the storm than theirs was!

During the Gulf War she used to rush home from work to watch Wolf Blitzer report on CNN. She referred to it as "my war". She claimed to have written a letter to General Schwarzkopf (sp?) giving him advice, despite having ZERO military knowledge. She then crowed that she had told him to do "x" and that he took her advice and wrote a letter back thanking her for it, which of course she never showed anyone.  ::) She actually took credit for the military action that ended the war.

That was when it truly hit home that the woman wasn't right.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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stasia

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2017, 10:18:39 PM »
Yes, M does this. Where I live we mainly get blizzards and severe storms/tornadoes as our severe weather. She constantly freaks out about both of these. When a tornado hits somewhere, she makes it all about her. "My god! What if that were ME? How on earth would I ever recover if that happened to ME! I live alone, you know, and I have NO ONE to help me!"

When it snows, she calls me crying and hysterical  because she has no one to help her shovel (and has a long, wide driveway). I guess that's my cue to risk my life getting to her house on impassable roads (in the car I don't have) to do it myself?  :stars: Where we live, it snows often. You'd think she'd make a snow removal plan. But, no.

I snickered at "yard's muddy and what if I have to go to the store" because M panics about that too. No matter how many times I have told her to stock up beforehand, she somehow STILL panics about this. Mainly about running out of cat food. No matter how much she actually has in the house. It's maddening.

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practical

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2017, 08:12:11 AM »
There is also the opposite effect, if they don't care then you shouldn't either. Told MIL kids traveled to see the full eclipse. MIL with utter disapproval "What for? Couldn't they see it where they were?" No, and she knew that watching the news 25/7 as DH put it, but this way she let me know indirectly how ridiculous she thought this because this particular event was not in her orbit.
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raindrop

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2017, 11:31:18 AM »
Yes, my M does this kind of thing even when the tragedy is very far away, going on and on about her third cousin's neice's boyfriend's cat's vet was killed and can you imagine the grief, I'm so upset....  :dramaqueen:
But as Practical says, it goes the other way too, with dismissing stuff. Where I am the main weather event is bushfires (wildfires) and sometimes even though their house could be under serious threat if the wind changed she refuses to monitor it or take any interest (sometimes she gets freaked but other times she doesn't). It must have to do with whether she perceives the fear as an emotion that's too painful to feel or whether the fear will help her get supply from others.

We experience extreme weather conditions in our area as well. NM always demanded that all of her children "evacuate" to her home despite never having been officially evacuated. Some lived 2-3 hours away, and she expected them to leave their own homes and jobs to sit out the storm with her, even though her home was nearer the storm than theirs was!

During the Gulf War she used to rush home from work to watch Wolf Blitzer report on CNN. She referred to it as "my war". She claimed to have written a letter to General Schwarzkopf (sp?) giving him advice, despite having ZERO military knowledge. She then crowed that she had told him to do "x" and that he took her advice and wrote a letter back thanking her for it, which of course she never showed anyone.  ::) She actually took credit for the military action that ended the war.

That was when it truly hit home that the woman wasn't right.

Wow! That is something else...
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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daughterofbpd

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2017, 02:14:20 PM »
Mine will text to make sure I wasn't the one involved in a car accident she heard about  :doh:
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moglow

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2017, 05:07:39 PM »

There is also the opposite effect, if they don't care then you shouldn't either. Told MIL kids traveled to see the full eclipse. MIL with utter disapproval "What for? Couldn't they see it where they were?" No, and she knew that watching the news 25/7 as DH put it, but this way she let me know indirectly how ridiculous she thought this because this particular event was not in her orbit.

Ah yes, forgot that one! And if they don't care, why do you and why did you mention it to her??

Mine went apeshit when the 9/11 attacks happened. She was visiting her in-laws across the country and was terrified it might delay train schedules. You know, the one she traveled on a week before ... Never mind that thousands were dead and injured from the actual attacks and rescue efforts afterwards, that all those families lost loved ones. Train schedules. :blink:
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

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looloo

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2017, 07:12:36 PM »
I'll just list my Nmother's interpretation/reaction to a few events (in chronological order  ;D)

Bomb on Hiroshima-this was her 15th birthday, she grew up in the US.  Her retelling of this day is that she always considered it a "birthday present"...

When she was in labor with me-her obstetrician was Japanese, and since her labor pains were so bad, she told him that he must be avenging Hiroshima and Nagasaki on her....

1994 earthquake--this was really bad, really scary.  My apartment was "red tagged" (too unsafe to live in).  After a few hours, I was able to get my car and drive to my roommate's parents' house to let them know that she was ok.  The look of utter relief that flooded her mother's face is something I'll never forget.  Then, I drove to MY parents' house.  Granted, their house took a terrible beating, but neither of my parents paid much attention when I appeared--in fact, they seemed annoyed that I'd distracted them from their own crises.  When I ended up having nowhere else to go for 3 months or so until I got a new place, my mother was NOT happy.  Not happy to have me back, and not happy when I moved out!!  She made sure that I felt like an unwelcome outsider the whole time, and yet deliberately complicated my efforts to move out. 

9/11--we're on the opposite side of the country, and we didn't know anyone directly affected, but it was still terrifying, shocking, and everyone I know wanted nothing more than to check in with their loved ones and hold everyone a little tighter.  I knew my parents were on a trip to the Grand Canyon with some friends for maybe 4 days during that time, so all I did was leave a message on their home machine.  At least a week went by with NO call from my parents.  I called them after waiting another several days, and asked them how they were doing.  My mother said "fine, because they didn't have the t.v. on, didn't pay attention to the newspapers, etc...".



If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.  Oscar Wilde.

"My actions are my true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand."  Thich Nhat Hanh

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Hazy111

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2017, 11:30:56 PM »
Dont all these posts point to the same thing with PD, arrested development. Extreme reactions to events, inability to reason , like a three year old. 

I watched one having a tantrum in a store today, mother desperately trying to calm him down. Then he sits quietly as shes given him something to eat. So hes happy, hes getting what he wants. Then they go to leave and hes screaming, hanging on to stuff, wont leave the store the full works. He has no concept of the world around him, the world only revolves around his immediate needs, as hes only three, he hasnt developed emotionally.

I was observing and thinking to myself this is how PDS are . They are stuck. Their personality never developed. Its really painful to be honest, as they missed out, they never grew up. To live your life as a toddler in an adult body and world. You are so dependent on others.

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raindrop

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2017, 11:37:15 PM »
Yes, hazy, its so true, and once you know you can really see it.
It's funny, my mother has always said she feels five years old, like she's never grown out of being a little girl. I never thought it was literally true but now I do. She's proud of it though I think, unfortunately.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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VividImagination

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2017, 12:49:06 AM »
Hazy, your opinion is actually shared by a lot of mental health professionals. My NM claims to have been abandoned in an orphanage at birth recovered by her biological family when she was a toddler. I say claimed because the story could be a complete fabrication for all I know since she lied about everything. However, it does fit with her emotional developmental level, which was that of a child between 1.5 to 2.5 years old. Due to her alleged trauma, her development came to a complete halt.

There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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Is This Normal

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2017, 03:01:22 AM »
Moglow,

I've about given up trying to predict what my unBPDm will freak out about. I remember wrestling with this as a kid. My mom was very into our schooling and a bit too hung up on grades. I usually got As and Bs, but being human and terrible at math, I would sometimes get Cs or worse. My mom would often blow a gasket when I got a bad grade, except when she wouldn't, and I never could figure out why. One time I failed a test and had to be sent out of the room because I started crying uncontrollably. When I got up the courage to tell my mom, she was like, "Why are you so upset? You'll do better on the next one. It's not the end of the world." It was crazymaking as she acted like I was overreacting for no reason as if she hadn't previously ripped me a new one when I got bad grades.

Right now I'm wringing my hands about the weather and her safety while she acts like it's not that big of a deal. It's funny tho. What was really on her mind was a medical test she'd just had. She informed me that I need to schedule this same test for myself this next year. I looked up the stats, and it'll be another 4-5 years before I'm in the age group where testing is recommended. Don't know if she's forgotten how old I am, or she just thinks that I should do it because she did it. That whole enmeshment, you're an extension of me thing.

I can also relate to the getting off on drama and tragedy in the lives of others. I call it ambulance chasing. My mother has paroxysms of feelings about others' hardships. The fact that I don't react in the same way (or don't externalize it in a histrionic fashion) goes into the "you're cold because you don't FEEL things the way I do" side of the ledger. Oh well. I know who I am, what kind of person I really am. So, I'm learning to not care how I come up short in the books of others.

-ITN-
« Last Edit: August 26, 2017, 03:03:36 AM by Is This Normal »

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Hazy111

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2017, 03:49:29 PM »
Vivid Imagination,

Your NM might well be telling the truth about the orphanage. Would explain a lot. Lack of 1 to 1 loving nurturing.

http://www.bgcenter.com/BGPublications/OrphanageBehavior.htm

Hazy

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VividImagination

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2017, 05:44:19 PM »
It wouldn't surprise me as her mother was uAvPD with attachment disorder (orphaned at five, lost all siblings, pulled out of school and became an indentured servant to an aunt. I'll never know the truth of NM's birth as PD grandma denied the abandonment.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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stasia

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #15 on: August 29, 2017, 02:33:21 PM »
Reading about, and watching video of, the devastation in Houston reminds me of how M would get so ANGRY about natural disasters. Because, when catastrophes like this happen, insurance companies are of course overloaded with claims, which of course means that in the end everyone's rates go up because that's how insurance works. And then she freaks out because her rate went up despite her not doing anything wrong or personally having damage (because, y'know, she doesn't live in the affected disaster area!).

If she and I were speaking I'm sure I'd be getting a lot of "Why do *I* have to pay for what happened to those people in TX? It wasn't MY house that got destroyed! I can't afford to pay for their repairs and still pay my bills! This is soooooo unfair!"  :roll:

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Hazy111

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #16 on: August 29, 2017, 03:04:51 PM »
Stasia,

You make a really good point. Ive never seen it in terms of PD. How many times have i heard this argument from so many people over the years.


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moglow

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #17 on: August 29, 2017, 03:11:14 PM »
Oh yeah, Stasia. Still failing to grasp that we're all in this world together ..
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

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VividImagination

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #18 on: August 29, 2017, 03:31:15 PM »
And a complete lack of empathy or concern. All about her. Fits the profile.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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SmolderingDragon

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Re: Random (even global) events are somehow all about them ??
« Reply #19 on: August 29, 2017, 04:40:07 PM »
Reading about, and watching video of, the devastation in Houston reminds me of how M would get so ANGRY about natural disasters. Because, when catastrophes like this happen, insurance companies are of course overloaded with claims, which of course means that in the end everyone's rates go up because that's how insurance works. And then she freaks out because her rate went up despite her not doing anything wrong or personally having damage (because, y'know, she doesn't live in the affected disaster area!).

If she and I were speaking I'm sure I'd be getting a lot of "Why do *I* have to pay for what happened to those people in TX? It wasn't MY house that got destroyed! I can't afford to pay for their repairs and still pay my bills! This is soooooo unfair!"  :roll:

OMG stasia,  that sounds *exactly* like my M's "reasoning" when it comes to insurance/taxes. "I don't have kids in school; why should *I* have to pay that tax assessment?!"  Or concerning a neighbor who was a teacher: "You do realize they're taking money away from me to pay *her* salary!"

They're so selfish and self-centered.  Everything has to be about how something is negatively affecting them or taking money away from them. They can't see that it's just part of life and deal with it with a healthy point of view. But if they did that they wouldn't be PDs.  :bigwink:
"Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go." -- Mark Twain