Where's the line between enabling and trying to fix?

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iamanorange

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Where's the line between enabling and trying to fix?
« on: August 29, 2017, 08:43:43 PM »
Hey,

I've got someone who is in my life (v soon not to be as I am done.) I don't think she has a full on PD because when she's well she's very empathetic and lovely, but over the last few months, she's been behaving more and more narcissistically.

To cut a long story short (or to try to.) I've been living in the same house share as her boyfriend, and when she's in the same town, she stays with us. Her boyfriend is moving out of the house and I'm staying an extra month.

She wanted to move into the house where I still live but she didn't even ask if she could move in, just assumed she could. I told her she needs to communicate about important things that affect other people (like housing) - then she flipped out at me. Ofc, I then said she couldn't move in - why would I want her to after that behaviour? And besides, she never asked anyone in the first place!

Now she's adamant she's moving in. The housing situation is a bit strange legally - we got evicted but I got legal representation and the eviction is unlawful. (i have put a lot of labour, money etc. in the house, when she stays she does nothing and doesn't pay.)

Anyway - people around her and I who know how she's behaved (she sent me a load of abusive texts later) are all too scared to say no to her - I'm the only one. And my friends are suggesting i move out early and stay with a friend - not because I'm wrong but because there's no stopping her and it will just escalate.

 Is this enabling behaviour? Or just being pragmatic? I know it's impossible to really get through to her but surely there's a line before that, where people can collectively say: you cannot move in here (she has other places to go including her boyfriend's new house this is a complete power trip!)

Should I try and fight for my home? Or cut my losses and take the hit?

Many thanks

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Where's the line between enabling and trying to fix?
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2017, 02:19:26 PM »
I'm sorry you're going through this situation. It sounds very frustrating!

Does this person have a key to your home? If so, get the locks changed. The expense will buy you a lot of peace of mind.

I would suggest not letting her into your home at all - no way for her to move in if she's not able to get in the front door.


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iamanorange

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Re: Where's the line between enabling and trying to fix?
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2017, 10:53:14 PM »
thanks very much for your response and concern. I have decided it is better for me (much less stress!) to move out early, so I'm doing that. I don't want to waste my time or energy fighting.

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clara

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Re: Where's the line between enabling and trying to fix?
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2017, 12:21:45 PM »
I think you made the right decision, iamanorange.  PDs can be unbelievable vindictive to the point where they'll do something they really don't want to do just to prove that they're in the right and you're not.  Often they seem to have unlimited resources when it comes to carrying out an agenda and will pursue an issue beyond reason just because they can never be in the wrong.  Better off to just cut your losses and get away from them.  It may not be fair but sometimes not having to deal with their nonsense it worth it.

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iamanorange

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Re: Where's the line between enabling and trying to fix?
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2017, 11:57:42 AM »
thanks clara - yeh it was feeling v much like that, like it was a power struggle for its own sake and i don't wanna play games! moved into my new place and feeling a lot better :)