made a mistake, but learned from it

[losingmyself]

These comments from H about me having sex with everyone at work has really gotten tiring. He makes comments all. the. time.
Yesterday, during a conversation about laundry when I said that I wear my jeans more than once to work, he said "Yeah they're off most of the time at work, anyway"  Then throw in the old "Just kidding" BS.
So I was mad, hurt, tired of it, I was quiet, when he kept asking what was wrong, so I said "The jokes about me having sex with everyone at work are not funny, and they hurt my feelings"
To which there was no response. Let it go, I said my peace.
Later that day, he said something jokingly, not about that, and he says "I was just kidding! I don't want to Hurt Your Feelings" In this mocking voice. So that's what I get for telling my truth. The good thing is that he'll probably quit with the sex at work jokes, at least for a while.
Next time he asks what's wrong, he gets the stock answer. "Nothing"
Or, should I continue to answer honestly? He has absolutely no empathy, and has never apologized. Ever, for anything.

[SunnyMeadow]

This sounds terrible to deal with losingmyself. I'm sorry your H keeps saying these hurtful things and mocking you.

I'd continue to answer honestly and throw in some truth for him:

You're supposed to be my partner, my safe person to share life with and sadly you just aren't.
Your continued comments about having sex with people at work are incredibly IMMATURE.
Even more immature to keep saying it and mocking me after I've said to stop.
Mocking is a child's tactic, you're way too old for that.
You're asking what's wrong? You obviously don't care so I'm not going to bother answering.

[Matteblak]

I'm sorry that he's treating you that way. Unfortunately, the accusations are often (but not always) projection. I get the same thing from my wife, but her "What's wrong?" is "are you okay?" When I say "yes," she asks "are you sure?" It's odd that they want to ask how we are, but they don't actually care to know the answer. My T actually asked my wife if maybe I lie to her about how I'm doing because I'm scared of her (it was quite humorous to see her disregard this as a possibility in front of him). Know that you are not alone, you have a right to talk about your feelings. The things you are feeling are normal human responses to abnormal treatment. Thank you for sharing; it helps me and others to hear that there are people out there who go through what we do.

[losingmyself]

Thanks for your support and kind words. I sometimes think that maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I'm pretty sure that's because of the gaslighting and what I've been conditioned to think.
Today is my birthday, I said yesterday that if he was in town, maybe he could bring a breakfast pizza to work at breaktime. I actually was hoping he forgot because later I figured he'd try to make me feel bad about it. When I said thanks, I got "I was just doing what you told me to do"  Poor poor him...
Yesterday while grocery shopping I said I'd like to make tacos or burritos for supper tonight. I got "Are you changing your name to Garcia or something? I didn't know you're Mexican" snort, huff head shake. So I didn't buy the ingredients
Then just now he says that he invited his F over tonight and I asked what I should make for supper, he said he told him tacos or burritos.  I said that I didn't buy stuff for that. I was hoping he'd ask why so I could repeat back to him what he said, but he just asked if I wanted him to go get the stuff. Seriously, he's trying to drive me crazy.
Sunny, I will try to use some of those responses, they are very good. Thanks.
Matteblak, I know! Right?? Why do they ask?? With my H, I think he thinks it must be something else. I don't think it occurs to him that it could have been something he just said. Mostly because he DID say "Just kidding" so that makes it null and void. I would like to tell him that we'll ask someone else if I'm being too sensitive, like one of my sisters. That would be his biggest nightmare, if his image with my family was sullied

[SunnyMeadow]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !! 


I'd get some takeout food and to heck with cooking on your birthday!

[losingmyself]

That is the plan!!
I'm not going to have to make supper for 4 people.
I'll have to pay for it, but whatever. Thanks for the happy birthday

[losingmyself]

Last night, to DS- "She was going to make tacos or burritos, but I guess she changed her mind"
I really just stood there, speechless.......

[SunnyMeadow]

I was thinking about your taco/burrito situation last night. 

This part:

Yesterday while grocery shopping I said I'd like to make tacos or burritos for supper tonight. I got "Are you changing your name to Garcia or something? I didn't know you're Mexican" snort, huff head shake. So I didn't buy the ingredients

Do you suppose your H is trying to be funny? NOT that I'm saying this is funny because it's far from it.  Now, I'm not sure of the dynamics of your relationship but does he say stuff like this, sarcastic or odd things when he doesn't want you to make a certain meal or do something in general? Does he say these things to show you he isn't happy about something?

I read that part and thought 'weird thing to say but I'm still having tacos'!  You matter in this marriage. If you want tacos, you get tacos! Especially on your birthday. You get to choose the meal and not cook it! If he hates tacos, he can have cereal.

I just don't want you to give up things because of him and his odd comments. If I'm reading this all wrong, I'm sorry and disregard my ramblings!   

[Joga]

Losingmyself, my H and I have a very similar dynamic. Constant sarcastic comments that are "jokes" and when I object he says "what, can't I joke with my wife? You're too sensitive!"  So I totally get it. I'm sorry you are dealing with it.

Not too long ago, I was putting on some light makeup before heading out to run errands and he asked if I was going on a date in his "joking" voice. I tried to explain that I feel better when I put on a little bit, but he said there should be no reason to do that unless I want to look good for someone else since he wouldn't be with me. In hindsight I shouldn't have even tried to explain or engage.

I see Sunnymeadow's point - sometimes my H really does try to make jokes that simply go over badly, but if it feels like sarcasm or belittling, it is, especially if you've told him it bothers you.

[losingmyself]

Joga, oh, yes. The makeup. That conversation exactly. I went so far as to not wear makeup for a while, then I decided that was just unacceptable for me to change myself that much. It's not like I wear a lot. Also, if I don't wear it, I get "So I (or my family or etc..) doesn't DESERVE for you to wear makeup" "Women only wear makeup because they're fishing for a guy" I hear that a lot, too.
I wish I would have bought the taco ingredients...........
I'm getting better, because now sometimes, not always, I just go with That's Your Opinion attitude.
Thanks to this site