I need to deal with this

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Levi10

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I need to deal with this
« on: September 07, 2017, 10:37:12 PM »
I'm relatively new to the knowledge of PD and the effects that it has on the nonPDs living in the same household. I've been working on dealing with it on a personal level for about 3-4 months now, with some success, but a very long road ahead I'm afraid.

From the day I first realized what I was dealing with I was terrified for my kids, but decided I needed to get myself OK in order to properly protect them.

Background on my situation: my wife of 12 years has shown NPD traits from the start. I wasn't aware of such a thing until it really blew up about 4 months ago. We have 3 children under age 8.  Me and the kids have a really good relationship.  They have always been my little followers from the time they got old enough to get around on their own. 

The oldest was practically raised by his mom.  We decided when he was born she would stay home with the kids from then on. At the time I was working long hours, we moved and I was on afternoon/night shifts and didn't see him that much.  The other two I have been around for a lot more when they were younger.

What I'm looking for is advice on raising them in this environment.  The oldest shows some behaviors that scare the sh!t out of me because they remind me so much of PDw.  I'm just looking for anything that you guys have experienced that might help in protecting them, yet not hurting their relationship with mom.  I just want them to have a healthy childhood and end the cycle of PD behavior rather than raise another generation of it if I can help it.

I've read that NPD can stem from events in a persons childhood. I can see this in my wife now. Things that she has said in the past and the relationship between her and her father. It never added up until I learned about PD, but now it does.

Thanks in advance for any help here.

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Obliviot

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Re: I need to deal with this
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2017, 10:29:53 AM »
I  read wise words somewhere on this forum, "if you can't name it, you can't heal it".  So I'd recommend trying to articulate what the behaviors are and how they are harmful and organizing your thoughts that way before trying to address it with your daughter.  Also just learning what she likes to do an making time to spend one-on-one with her will help, just to let her know you're there for her. 

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kazzak

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Re: I need to deal with this
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2017, 02:49:38 PM »
I've done a lot of work with my son using attachment therapy. My ex is NPD/HPD and I've had to deal with a lot of repercussions that my instincts raising another child (from a non-pd) didn't apply. A book/course called "Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting can help you nurture your child's attachment, emotional resilience and freedom to explore" was key for me. it's designed for young children, but honestly the principles are universal. We also have the Co-Parenting forum here which can provide help, support and feedback.