Which PD does DH's boss have?

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EntWife

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Which PD does DH's boss have?
« on: September 09, 2017, 12:03:44 PM »
The title is, of course, a joke. Of course we can't diagnose someone we don't know (or at all, being that most of us aren't mental health practitioners). But I can't help wondering: "WHAT'S UP WITH MY HUSBAND'S BOSS?!!"

My husband's getting better about setting boundaries and NOT hiding his boss's poor behavior (habits he learned from having a difficult and possibly PD mom).  So, rather than focus on that I'd like to focus on his boss's behavior, which I find outrageous.

Background: this guy owns the company, but is only in town 2 days a week. I've heard former employees call him "sociopathic," "narcissistic," and "manipulative." I'll give some as-objective-as-I-can-manage examples of his behavior. I'd love to hear what others familiar with PDs think!

For the sake of simplicity I'm using "DH" for my husband and "Boss" for his boss.

  • Boss doesn't "believe" in paying to see movies so he sneaks into them. I'll add that he's a multimillionaire, from what I understand.
  • When Boss decided to gift my husband a certain book he stole a copy from the library (rather than buying one).
  • I've heard from multiple former employees that Boss promises raises that he never gives. One called it "the carrot on the stick." He did this to DH and promised a 120% raise to run the company. DH ran the company for 3 years and made a mere 10% more (he was still making less than $35K).
  • (edited to add) When I see Boss he tells me glowing compliments of DH, yet he pays DH so little to do the work of 4 positions.
  • During a day of interviews the boss asked one interviewee his/her age, another his/her sexual orientation, and yet another his/her religion.
  • As an owner Boss sees his job as "finding new revenue sources," which seems to mean creating public events to sponsor (AKA throwing public parties). I don't understand why he hasn't tried other "revenue sources."
  • On the one occasion Boss was given actual work to do (other than throwing parties) he asked several of his employees to do the work for him. When no one agreed to (because they either thought he was joking or were already overwhelmed by doing the jobs of 2 or 3 people since he laid off half his staff 5 years ago) he waited until AFTER the deadline to tell DH he hadn't done the job.
  • DH repeatedly told Boss the events/parties he was creating were losing the company money and DH thought Boss was too drunk/high (at 2 PM) to understand. I wonder if Boss was faking stupidity so he could keep throwing parties?
  • (edited to add): On the multiple occasions DH voiced concern about the money the business was losing and the livelihood of its employees the boss responded with, "If we're going under we may as well run it into the ground."
  • For 8 years DH repeatedly talked about leaving the company and went back to school to change careers. When he last mentioned these plans Boss acted surprised and confused. DH said he didn't know how Boss could forget about these plans. I, again, wonder if he was faking stupidity for some manipulative reason.
  • Boss uses company money to pay for employees' drinks then sneakily takes them to a strip club. I've seen this more than once - he says something like, "let's go get more drinks" then leads the way to the strip club when there are several other bars in the area and on the way. When DH and I have said we'd like to avoid the strip club it's like he doesn't hear us and leads us there anyways.
  • Boss also uses company money to pay for trips to the strip club. He calls it a "team-building activity."
  • Boss thinks it's highly entertaining to embarrass his employees at the strip club. He once bragged to me about getting the club's "heaviest girl" to give one of his female employees a lap dance and how funny it was.
  • Boss's wife doesn't know about these "company strip club trips."

Thoughts?
« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 12:16:50 PM by Zen_Warrior »
"Boundaries ensure that the consequences of a person's actions land squarely on his/her shoulders." -(I wish I knew who originally wrote/said this!)

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Bloomie

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Re: Which PD does DH's boss have?
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2017, 12:16:28 PM »
Oh wow! Mind. Blown. I am amazed this man has a wife, loyal employees, and a business left to run into the ground. Beyond sleazy behaviors that have to be so uncomfortable and offensive to you and your DH.

You don't need a diagnosis to know this is one dangerous man on the path to destruction and taking as many people with him as he possibly can.

I hope your DH will see his own value and follow that plan to go back to school and change careers. Must be incredibly hard to see your DH and others being treated this way!

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EntWife

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Re: Which PD does DH's boss have?
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2017, 09:40:30 PM »
Must be incredibly hard to see your DH and others being treated this way!

 :yeahthat:

Thank you, Bloomie! That's incredibly validating!!! I feel completely comfortable setting boundaries with this guy, but it's really difficult to watch as those who don't get treated so poorly! Even hearing these stories second-hand is hard!
"Boundaries ensure that the consequences of a person's actions land squarely on his/her shoulders." -(I wish I knew who originally wrote/said this!)