"Celebrating" a year of NC

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Mintstripes

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"Celebrating" a year of NC
« on: September 14, 2017, 06:52:18 PM »
So I'm having a hard time lately (uPDh, getting my ducks in a row...) but I wanted to celebrate the upcoming NC anniversary with NF/EM/NgcBro.
Over the past year, there have been attempts to guilt trip me, they have sent gifts for my child (which I donated), a passive aggressive birthday card to me, they have sent texts ranging from playing the victim to outright aggression, they have engaged in badmouthing me to the only relatives I trust and love.
I have not responded to any of it!
I took me over 30 years to take this step. I have come a really long way and now feel empowered and confident in the fact that I am protecting myself and my child from their toxicity.
Feel free to share your NC accomplishments as well  :-*

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illogical

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Re: "Celebrating" a year of NC
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2017, 10:46:32 PM »
I admire your tenacity, your perseverance here.

That said, I have a hard time "celebrating" my NC, as it was a very painful decision-- one of last resort.  So hard to "celebrate" that.

My life did improve after NC.  I gradually came to accept that my NM and GC brother were self-serving, not really interested in me except as a useful tool and never going to see the real me.  Severing contact served to protect me from further harm by them.

So now my view is that NC was a necessary act of self-preservation.  There really was no choice if I wanted to reclaim my life and live as an independent person, free of their constraints, constant imposition and wanting me to "right" the ship they frequently ran aground.

Celebrate my NC?  No, but I do pat myself on the back for standing up for myself and refusing to be someone else's tool for bettering their life while basically using me up in a one-sided relationship.  And I am no longer afraid of them.  Well, my GC brother (as my NM is deceased).  No longer afraid of being bullied by him.
"Applying logic to potentially illogical behaviour is to construct a house on shifting foundations.  The structure will inevitably collapse."

__Stewart Stafford

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Mintstripes

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Re: "Celebrating" a year of NC
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2017, 02:09:20 AM »
Illogical, I understand. Sorry for all you went through. It was painful for me too, and I felt horribly guilty for a long time. I guess I meant celebrating in the sense of being grateful to have gotten this far and being free of their drama and general toxicity.
My sib is also an Ngc. What you said about them never seeing the real you resonated with me. 

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Miss Teri

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Re: "Celebrating" a year of NC
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2017, 11:02:42 AM »
I'm about 6 weeks shy of a year of NC with my parents. Like Illogical, I wouldn't say I'm celebrating, but I have enjoyed the peace and quiet the last several months. My mother has contacted me 3 times to test the waters, so to speak, so she can sweep everything under the rug as usual. But I've been super MC/gray rock about it, or ignored it altogether. The last time was a public facebook post on my husband's page (they are blocked from my account) wherein my mother asked him to pass along a message because she misses me SOOO much. (She totally could have just emailed me.) She then goes on to talk about her back problems and how she needs help (even though she has my dad and my brother) and she might need surgery. And then... "I hope you can find a way to bridge the gap between us." All on my husband's public facebook page for everyone to see! Notice that it's all on me to bridge the gap. Needless to say, I didn't respond, and my husband learned his lesson and changed his privacy settings so that could never happen again.

I too have struggled with guilt. But with each inappropriate attempt at contact, I've stood up to it in a way that has made me feel stronger. I still dread being dragged back into their drama. But I'm far less afraid of the inevitable phone call than I used to be. I can see that my mother has grown tired of giving me the silent treatment and wants to find some way to get me to crawl back into her bubble. But each of her attempts to contact me have contained manipulative, guilt inducing pleas for me to feel sorry for her, and NO attempt at all to understand my feelings. And not one word from my dad.

This last year of silent treatment has been really eye opening. Another recent thread mentioned how ST can be peaceful and liberating. But it also makes you realize how little you meant to them in the first place. It's a sad confirmation. But almost a year into this, I do feel liberated and like I've grown a lot. Congratulations on making that huge step, Mintstripes. You've obviously grown and become stronger and wiser. I wish you peace on your continued journey.

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illogical

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Re: "Celebrating" a year of NC
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2017, 09:41:53 PM »
...I guess I meant celebrating in the sense of being grateful to have gotten this far and being free of their drama and general toxicity.
My sib is also an Ngc. What you said about them never seeing the real you resonated with me. 

To be free of their drama and general toxicity?  Yes, that is something to celebrate!  :hug:
"Applying logic to potentially illogical behaviour is to construct a house on shifting foundations.  The structure will inevitably collapse."

__Stewart Stafford

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blues_cruise

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Re: "Celebrating" a year of NC
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2017, 10:30:26 AM »
The last time was a public facebook post on my husband's page (they are blocked from my account) wherein my mother asked him to pass along a message because she misses me SOOO much. (She totally could have just emailed me.)

Always the way! Why contact someone discretely but directly when you can make your problems known to all and sundry on someone else's Facebook page?  :applause: :roll: When I first tried setting a boundary with NF he was given an email address that he could contact me on and in 6 months he has never once bothered, instead he tried messaging my mother in law a couple of times on Facebook. It's all about appearances and gaining other people's sympathy with them. Thankfully he's so predictable that I had already warned her this would probably happen and he didn't get a response!

Anyway, well done to everyone who's made it to a year.  :) I think the celebration is of the persistent desire to improve your situation and protect your family from toxic influences rather than of the no contact itself.
"You are not what has happened to you. You are what you choose to become." - Carl Gustav Jung

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou