Anyone else playing the long game with a PD parent?

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FireHorse

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Anyone else playing the long game with a PD parent?
« on: September 13, 2017, 12:36:55 PM »
Background:  I live with my elderly uNPDmother, who is starting to show signs of mental decline. She has been emotionally abusive to me all my life (hell-o, cPTSD), and shows no sign of stopping now. I have tried to adopt MC and gray rock, but some of her comments make it through the cracks in my armor and hurt me.  I also just discovered she has long-term care insurance; as her trustee and POA, I was going through documents recently. I found the paperwork for it, and confirmed that she's been making payments on it so it's current; she never divulged this information to me when she asked me to move in with her to "help."  :stars:

Here's the kicker: I have to live with her for at least the next 6 months for financial reasons.

Does anyone have any coping strategies for playing the long game with a PD parent? Some days I can feel myself sliding back into depression, and I don't want to go back to that dark place. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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daughterofbpd

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Re: Anyone else playing the long game with a PD parent?
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2017, 03:49:16 PM »
Hi FireHorse,
I'm sorry you find yourself in that situation. If I were you, I would concentrate on the future. Start making plans & preparations to busy your mind, even if it seems soon. I find having something positive to look forward to helps. It sounds like you are working hard to protect yourself. Try to keep it up, 6 months will be over before you know it. Take care.
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
~ Amanda Torroni

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kaizen

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Re: Anyone else playing the long game with a PD parent?
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2017, 09:09:17 PM »
Hi, I've been involved with my mother since she had a stroke about 9 years ago. I just started posting on the Elderly Parents board.

I'm not sure I should recommend this or not--but if your mom has long term care insurance and needs help, is there a way you could set things up for them to pay you as her in-home caregiver?

I was between a rock and a hard place a couple of years ago, I could see my mother needed more help or else move into Assisted Living, but I was already exhausted. (For reasons related to a semi-hoarded house, neither of us felt comfortable with having aides start to come in.) I ended up leaving my old job, and being paid as her household employee. I couldn't continue juggling both responsibilities, and told her in no uncertain terms I couldn't afford to help her for free. Her accountant set it all up with a payroll processing company.

The bad thing is, it can further attach you to the situation, make you feel even more obligated, and make it harder to pull away. But if she needs the help, and you need the money, it might be something to consider.

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raindrop

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Re: Anyone else playing the long game with a PD parent?
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2017, 09:53:16 PM »
Living with my parents is something I've vowed never to do again. I can't even cope with an overnight stay! So I'm not sure of any strategies that may help you, other than getting out of the house and spending time with normal people regularly. And maybe a mindfulness practise may help - I generally find breathing exercises and other things of the sort to at least calm me down.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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AmericanWoman

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Re: Anyone else playing the long game with a PD parent?
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2017, 10:27:44 PM »


Be sick a lot, tell her you have "something" and it's contagious.  I would hide too, anything to avoid contact/conversation.