Hard to keep up MC sometimes...

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JollyJazz

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Hard to keep up MC sometimes...
« on: September 17, 2017, 06:47:40 AM »
So, I'm in the awkward situation of being back with PD parents after a spell overseas, while I find work and a new place to live.

I had been away hiking this weekend, and came back this evening. I was feeling so happy after chatting with all the nice people on the trip for days, I was a bit too open with my PDM when I came back in, and made the mistake of telling her about something I like, and my M just totally put it down, all while maintaining a creepy smile.

I need to keep up the MC. It's hard not to let the guard down. It's also been hard not to fall back into the FOG. She hasn't been so bad since I've been back, but I feel like this is in part because she feels like I'm back under her control. I worry that I'll start to lose the ground I've won over the past few years, that all the things in the past will start to feel like a bad dream. I know that's not the case.

I know my best bet is just to keep up the MC, keep working on finding work and a place to stay and also, to find ways to be out of the house as well... Anyways, getting there!

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practical

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Re: Hard to keep up MC sometimes...
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2017, 09:47:06 AM »
It sucks when you just cannot behave normal around your parents, when even the slightest opening is used to put you down. MC is exhausting and the artificiality is hard to bear, it just happens to be so much better than the alternative. It is great you did something for yourself and I hope you were able to regain the joy this weekend brought to you.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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JollyJazz

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Re: Hard to keep up MC sometimes...
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2017, 11:54:01 PM »
Thanks Practical! :) Yes, feeling better today and planning for my future independence! Hopefully this job comes through, I'm applying for others as well today.