Back to Ground Zero

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Adria

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Back to Ground Zero
« on: September 17, 2017, 07:29:08 PM »
I feel in such disarray. We just went through a dreadful hurricane in the south. We fared pretty well compared to most. Anyway, I heard that my pd-dad drove all the way down from up north to check on his winter home and never bothered to even call or stop by to see if we were okay.  I wouldn't really expect him to, but for some reason it all came bubbling up to the surface again.  I guess it's times like these that make you feel lonely and deserted all over again.  And on top of it, my son is off his regiment for mental illness again and my daughter is having some issues at home with her hubby and my grandchildren, we just found out, are very ill, and we don't know what did it. Thinking maybe it was from pest control spraying insecticides inside the walls of their home.  I also started working in an office after not working in twenty five years.  I'm caught between two very headstrong women and I feel like I'm their volleyball. 

Sorry for the rant, I just feel like I want to cry, but the tears won't come.  Just once, you would think my dad could do something decent, but reality is, is he would be gleeful if he thought we lost everything.  Sigh  :fallingbricks:
« Last Edit: September 17, 2017, 07:32:01 PM by Adria »

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illogical

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Re: Back to Ground Zero
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2017, 07:57:00 PM »
Adria, here's a hug.  :hug:

I'm sorry your dad didn't check on you.  If it's any consolation, PDs treat everyone the same-- from casual acquaintance to family.  So it was nothing personal.  You just didn't fit into his agenda. 

This is a very hard pill to swallow-- that PDs don't care about you.  The reality is they only care about themselves.  If you aren't useful to them, they write you off. 

I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry your son and daughter are going through bad times.  I know it seems "when it rains, it pours", but you did say you fared pretty well during the hurricane, so count your blessings there. 

From what you've posted, you are very vulnerable right now.  Maybe try to detach from your dad-- realize he's self-centered and has a self-serving agenda. 

I don't know you, so I don't know if you are a "fixer", but often children of Ns (or other Cluster B types) are.  So maybe try to see that it's not your place to make everything right.  You don't have control over your adult children.  You don't have control over your dad.  You don't have control over those women in your office.  Stay focused on you, and say to yourself, "I'm okay.  I came through the hurricane and I will be fine."  Care about others, but not to the point where it robs you of yourself and your energy.  You are the only one who can live your life.  Glad you survived the hurricane!  Please take care.
"Applying logic to potentially illogical behaviour is to construct a house on shifting foundations.  The structure will inevitably collapse."

__Stewart Stafford

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VividImagination

  • Fear is not real; it is a product of the thoughts you create. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. - After Earth
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Re: Back to Ground Zero
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2017, 11:11:28 PM »
I understand from a very literal standpoint. Myself and all my sibs but one live in areas devastated by Irma last week. It's an emotional rollercoaster on top of being in such dire straits. We were very lucky, but the desolation around us is horrible, and things were difficult and still are...no power, water, gas, stores/restaurants and schools closed, etc.

In the midst of all this, the out of state sibling (major N fleas) demanded in a group text that one of us find some frivolous item she wanted with her college's logo on it. We, like you, have major gas shortages and curfews, and none of us have the time to drive halfway across the state to pick up her item and mail it to her, the sister who never contacted us to see how we fared during this very difficult time.

The knowledge that family just simply doesn't care is painful. Coming from a parent is incomprehensible.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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Adria

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Re: Back to Ground Zero
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2017, 03:56:47 PM »
Illogical,

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I don't know you, so I don't know if you are a "fixer", but often children of Ns (or other Cluster B types) are.  So maybe try to see that it's not your place to make everything right.  You don't have control over your adult children.  You don't have control over your dad.  You don't have control over those women in your office.  Stay focused on you, and say to yourself, "I'm okay.  I came through the hurricane and I will be fine."  Care about others, but not to the point where it robs you of yourself and your energy.  You are the only one who can live your life.  Glad you survived the hurricane!  Please take care.

Thank you so much illogical for your kinds words and the virtual hug.  Man, I just don't know where it comes from some times.  I am such a fixer, and after you mentioned that it really hit me why I am so drained all the time.  My kids literally can suck the life out of me with all their problems and their friend's problems.  I like what you said, "Care about others, but not to the point where it robs you of yourself and energy."  I'm not sure if I know how to do that, but am going to have to try.  Yes, we did survive the hurricane with only a few trees down, a little siding off the house and a downed fence, so we can't complain there.

I have been estranged from my dad for over twenty-five years and made contact with him a year and a half ago.  It went pretty well and I guess I got my hopes up.  Haven't heard from him since.  I guess I was hoping the hurricane would make him somewhat human. Guess not.  I'm doing a little better today.
« Last Edit: September 18, 2017, 03:58:18 PM by Adria »

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Adria

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Re: Back to Ground Zero
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2017, 04:07:35 PM »
Vivid,

Thank you so much for posting.

I am so sorry you and your family had to endure Irma as well. True devastation all around.   I hope you are all doing okay.

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the sister who never contacted us to see how we fared during this very difficult time.
The knowledge that family just simply doesn't care is painful. Coming from a parent is incomprehensible.

I'd say, I can't believe your sister asked you to drive around and look for something so frivolous for her, but unfortunately, I can.  It is unbelievable how cold and totally thoughtless family can be even in the midst of tragedy. It is very painful to say the least. 

I hope you can lean on the others in your family at this difficult time. :hug: