"But at least I'll get a great inheritance"

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newlife33

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"But at least I'll get a great inheritance"
« on: October 16, 2017, 11:49:30 AM »
I would drive home from work sometimes, usually about a 30 to 50 minute drive depending on traffic. I would listen to music, call friends, enjoy the scenery and such.

Somedays I would also think about my father.  I would think about all the awful things he said to me, how he ignored me, mistreated me and abused me emotionally.  But then I would think "Ah, he is giving me a big inheritance, he is a nice guy."

After doing a lot of work and a lot of fights and verbal battles, I lost it on my father and told him I was going to donate all of my inheritance to charity. 

As soon as I said this it was like some invisible handcuffs were taken off.  There was a vail that had been pulled over my eyes.  He had tricked me by giving me one thing, one money item, like a carrot on a stick.  By giving me an inheritance, in his mind that made up for *everything* else he did.  As long as he provided that one thing, he could do whatever he liked!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And the part that guts me is that I fell for it.

Even worse I see that I do this or use to with some of my friends.  I would do one thing for them or buy them something and I would expect that they would love me and care for me forever once I did that.  But that is not how it works.  A relationship is a *constant* give and take.  If one side quits or doesn't try to help the other person out or respect their needs the relationship dies.  But with a family member, and even worse an older family member, sometimes we don't have the option to walk away ,and even when we do later on in life society guilts us for doing so.

IDK why I am posting this, maybe as a warning and maybe to vent.  Just really could use some kind words, I feel tore open.

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Spirit Girl

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Re: "But at least I'll get a great inheritance"
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2017, 12:01:40 PM »
That is a HUGE learning and step forward newlife33!

I learned that it's common for a narc to use the will as a carrot, but we in the fog people just didn't know about this, or we we stay in touch as a sense of duty. I learned that this is not a good idea. I went nc.

In fact he could 'trick' you into believing you will inherit, only to not have you in the will as a last means of cruelty and control. It happened to me so just letting you know because it hurts the heart.

Love your analogy about the handcuffs, so true! Isn't it amazing the clarity on other aspects, as you mentioned, friendships that are all tied into the give and take.

Sounds like your true, authentic love-ly self has surfaced and there is no turning back - good for you!!!


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newlife33

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Re: "But at least I'll get a great inheritance"
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2017, 12:04:33 PM »
That is a HUGE learning and step forward newlife33!

I learned that it's common for a narc to use the will as a carrot, but we in the fog people just didn't know about this, or we we stay in touch as a sense of duty. I learned that this is not a good idea. I went nc.

In fact he could 'trick' you into believing you will inherit, only to not have you in the will as a last means of cruelty and control. It happened to me so just letting you know because it hurts the heart.

Love your analogy about the handcuffs, so true! Isn't it amazing the clarity on other aspects, as you mentioned, friendships that are all tied into the give and take.

Sounds like your true, authentic love-ly self has surfaced and there is no turning back - good for you!!!

Thank you!!!! Yes, the true me is coming thru.  It has been very lonely so far but I know if I keep going I will begin to attract other people who are the same as my new true self.