PD M giving my bed to my brother

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JollyJazz

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PD M giving my bed to my brother
« on: November 09, 2017, 10:30:30 PM »
Uggh, so in relation to my last post... I am currently job hunting and at my PD parents house.

As you can imagine, it can be stressful at times. Job hunting is bad enough but then I also get snapped at and criticized on top of that (sigh).

In addition to this - Christmas is looming, and so that means my 3 brothers (all complete bullies towards me my whole life, and probably PD) are coming too. One of my brothers has said he wants to stay in the room I'm currently in. M agrees with him - so I will be sent elsewhere - probably a childlike little camp stretcher in a corner of the house that noone else wants.

My bed is my one oasis - I feel like it is this sacred little sanctuary for me. I don't have a place of my own. I just have my bed in the room I'm in. Now even that is going to be violated - by a brother who over the course of my life has hit me, kicked me and verbally abused me.

I am dreading being around my brothers, they start throwing the first insult within minutes of seeing them. I feel a little sensitive about my current situation - so there will be plenty they will find to jab at there. Usual targets are me being a 'weird' vegetarian - the fact I do meditation (OOOh weird). I've been picked on about my appearance, my mind, my job - anything and everything is fair game when it comes to me it seems. It goes on and on and on.... I can honestly say, I do not like being around them at all.

I'm thinking I might just pack away as much of my stuff as I can - all my bedding and personal things - to make the room as impersonal as possible while they are there. Then I think I'm just gonna get in my car- with my tent, my climbing gear, my swimming togs and my hiking boots and drive off into the hills for a couple of weeks while they are here - and just come out to apply for jobs as I go. I can just use the internet at libraries to apply for jobs :)

Anyway, thanks for reading!

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Thru the Rain

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2017, 10:49:10 PM »
Maybe short-sheet the bed? (Just kidding - maybe!)  :evil2:

I posted on your other thread about the similarities I experienced with my M when I was stuck living with her while job hunting. I mentioned that she told me that I had to get out, but I didn't say why. My brother had a friend who needed a place to stay. So M said yes - and kicked me out in favor of this friend. M had never met this person, its not like he was some sort of lifetime friend - just some random guy my brother knew. 

I've asked her since then why she threw me out in favor of this stranger. Her answer, in her most annoying little girl voice, "Well, [brother's friend] is a nice person". As if that was the question and not "Why were you a lousy mom?"

So 25 years later M is hinting that maybe she could move in with me. The answer is an unequivocal NO. If she wanted the sort of relationship where she would be welcome to live with me, she should have planted those seeds decades ago.

I don't have a ton of practical advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Maybe read up on Medium Chill. And you mentioned the library - I would suddenly need to spend hours and hours at the library.

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Monologue Magnet

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2017, 12:26:23 AM »
JollyJazz,

 :bighug:

Here's a hug for the triple stress of job hunting, Christmas and incoming brothers.  I don't know your situation, but your library idea might be spot on as opposed to the alternative.  Keep yourself safe as much as possible by limiting how much you have to do with your brothers while they're in town.

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JollyJazz

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2017, 06:16:11 AM »
Awww thanks Thru the Rain and Monologue Magnet,

I really appreciate your replies! I had to google short sheeting the bed, it was such a laugh!!! LOL.

Yes! I just love the library! I am definitely going to be spending lots of time in the library for sure! Hehe. Our local one is being done up, so I'm gonna be checking that out!

I need to keep working on MC... I have been trying to do it, but every so often I slip up. M just said something before that really hurt me a lot - basically saying I'm not capable etc. So hurtful.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone as well. I really appreciate it!

 :bighug:

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bopper

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2017, 11:56:31 AM »
"No, this is where I am staying. Figure something else for Bro.  You can give him your bed if the cot is no good for him."
Just because they are incapable of loving you, doesn't mean that you are unlovable.
Anything makes the false self appear real is supply.

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moglow

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2017, 12:10:48 PM »
That's just foul, giving away ones bed. I'd do just that, JollyJ, pack up my personal belongings - I wouldn't unpack them until I was out of there in my new place.

In the meantime, minimize your exposure to their criticisms. I'd find other places to be and positive things to do. I like your plan!
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carrots

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2017, 04:13:09 PM »
probably a childlike little camp stretcher in a corner of the house that noone else wants.

My bed is my one oasis - I feel like it is this sacred little sanctuary for me. I don't have a place of my own. I just have my bed in the room I'm in. Now even that is going to be violated - by a brother who over the course of my life has hit me, kicked me and verbally abused me.

No way should you be kicked out of your room for B and then put on a camp stretcher in some corner of the house! We need safe space! At least a door to shut on our PDs or even just on our flea-ridden FOO. Speaking from experience since I didn't manage to negotiate this last time at FOO. Everybody else had a private room, just I didn't. That was before I discovered OOTF. But even having discovered it and enjoying reading e.g. bopper's brazen responses, I don't think I'd actually manage to say them to FOO members, not fast enough. Maybe as an afterthought, but then it's too late.

I'm really sorry it's an abuser brother for whom you're meant to be giving up your bed. That would feel even worse to me than having to give my bed up to somebody else in general.

quote author=JollyJazz link=topic=69783.msg613964#msg613964 date=1510277430]
I'm thinking I might just pack away as much of my stuff as I can - all my bedding and personal things - to make the room as impersonal as possible while they are there. Then I think I'm just gonna get in my car- with my tent, my climbing gear, my swimming togs and my hiking boots and drive off into the hills for a couple of weeks while they are here - and just come out to apply for jobs as I go. I can just use the internet at libraries to apply for jobs :)
[/quote]

This sounds like a really good idea! I applaud your bravery.

quote author=JollyJazz link=topic=69783.msg613964#msg613964 date=1510277430]
I am dreading being around my brothers, they start throwing the first insult within minutes of seeing them. I feel a little sensitive about my current situation - so there will be plenty they will find to jab at there. Usual targets are me being a 'weird' vegetarian - the fact I do meditation (OOOh weird). I've been picked on about my appearance, my mind, my job - anything and everything is fair game when it comes to me it seems. It goes on and on and on.... I can honestly say, I do not like being around them at all.
[/quote]

Sounds familiar, though it's more PDM in my case, though growing up B1 was pretty handy at this too and enF joined in when things were particularly awful. And now SIL too.

Sending you lots of strength to go through with your plan of heading to the hills for those couple of weeks. Then I hope strength for enduring your Bs will be unnecessary.

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JollyJazz

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2017, 08:20:50 PM »
Thanks so much carrots, moglow, bopper!

Over here summer is just starting, so I'll be able to get away from my FOO as well as get out of the place by avoiding Christmas!

Hehe, yes I would like to just insist like you suggest bopper. But I think I'd most like to just be away from them!

I'm just going to try and enjoy the beautiful summer as much as I can and find nice people to be around, far away from all the insults and bullying! :)

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2017, 08:49:47 PM »
Enjoy your hiking trip! Eat plenty of veggies en route and mediate to the sunrise and sunset daily!! Definitely do it!
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broken

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #9 on: November 12, 2017, 02:08:20 AM »
This will likely be a memorable time for you someday, thinking back to your independence of hiking and camping while job hunting, and avoiding your toxic family. 
Your brothers are likely abusive because they have been taught that it is okay to kick jolly jazz around.  The act of giving bro your bed is a clear example of this, the whole family is taught by PD mom that you are the lowly bottom feeder.  It's shameful, and I know the feeling well.  This is the stuff that feeds my anger and resentment the most now, maybe because it is the one thing that my slick, covert NM can't deny by telling me I am imagining it. 
My things were freely given away.  In fact, it was made clear to me that nothing was mine, even after making a big production of giving it to me (to stroke those narc martyr egos of theirs).  The TV I was given for Christmas one year?  Gone one day when I got home, in the new workshop EnDad built himself.  The cheap furniture NM bought for me, and made such a big show of sacrifice about?  "That's not yours!"  I used cardboard boxes in my first apartment.  Then I had a child, she still refused to let us take it.  It sat full of old rags. 
They loaned the car I drove (and paid gas & ins for) to my brother, when I needed to drive to college and my part time job. 
From little stuff, like giving away my collectibles, to land that was handed down to NM, that she gave or sold for cheap to other relatives but not to me...  Almost as if she wants to ensure I get nothing.
It seems we are chosen to be the least important part of our families.

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JollyJazz

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Re: PD M giving my bed to my brother
« Reply #10 on: November 12, 2017, 05:17:15 AM »
Thanks Springbutterfly and

Thanks broken, its so good to feel understood by everyone here! But I'm sorry to hear that you too, have had to endure this too.

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Your brothers are likely abusive because they have been taught that it is okay to kick jolly jazz around.  The act of giving bro your bed is a clear example of this

Yep, absolutely. I've been the scapegoat my whole life.

Yes, things of mine have gone 'missing' while they have been at PD parents house. It is telling that my brother just got to decide he wanted my bed. I don't get to decide anything - I just get told where to sleep.

Quote
This will likely be a memorable time for you someday, thinking back to your independence of hiking and camping while job hunting, and avoiding your toxic family. 

Absolutely! I am going to make it as fun as I can! :) :)