"Listen to your body"

[openskyblue]

Wonderful post!

Your theory about NC and VLC is very intriguing, and makes so much sense to me. I went NC with my (now ex) husband because I could not find a way to live with him that would not kill me. Really the only way to save myself was to leave and go NC. That may sound extreme, but I know it's true. Denying oneself any measure of independence, self-care, even just voicing a simple opinion about something mundane takes a terrible toll on a soul. Add to that insults, the whittling down of a sense of self-worth, and constant fear, and I believe that can kill a person. I know my son is grappling with this: Is there any way I can remain in contact that doesn't result in being on the receiving end of rage, constant demands, and the guilt machine.

I get what you mean about letting the emotions pass through you. In my experience, resisting any emotion just lets it take over, haunt me. Your post reminded me to keep any eye out for this — and remember to let my emotions run their course. Thanks! I'm glad you are back with your loved and loving ones.

[carrots]

Your theory about NC and VLC is very intriguing, and makes so much sense to me. I went NC with my (now ex) husband because I could not find a way to live with him that would not kill me.

This speaks to me so much. When everything gets to be 'too much' emotionally which is pretty often, my body tells me by getting sick or developing pain or getting really weak. I went VLC with FOO when I realized that I was no longer willing to put up with their behaviour towards me at the expense of my health.

all4peace, your sharing here helps me! I need repeats, bit of a slow learner here 

[Orangeblossom77]

Oh, i totally relate with this and agree. I have fibromyalgia type symptoms (chronic pain in one side of the body) after seeing or relating to the FOO. I worked out it was in reaction to them, and it took several days / weeks of pain relief, exercise, sleep etc to get it back to a manageable level after dealing with them. It has now nearly resolved after going NC. So yes, listen to your body!

[all4peace]

Orangeblossom, that's wonderful!

The book Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa is about decades of scientific study that directly link adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) to adulthood physical dis-ease and illness.

The book also gives so much hope when it gives a lot of guidance on how to reverse that damage (and it is reversible). I have 6-7 ACE categories, which would put me in the category of shortening my lifespan by 20 years. I don't plan to have that be my outcome, so I'll also continue to work hard on reversing all that damage!

I'm so happy for you. And, btw, fibromyalgia comes up constantly as a trauma-related disease, but I'm sure that's not news to you.

[Orangeblossom77]

Yes, in a similar vein I have been reading about genetics and methylation. This can happen also due to childhood abuse and means certain genes are expressed more than others. They call it the epigenome, how our environment affect our gene expression. They looked and obsevrved in children who had died sadly and been abused and saw they had greatly increased methylation. So it can actually affect your DNA and gene expression 

[all4peace]

Yes, in a similar vein I have been reading about genetics and methylation. This can happen also due to childhood abuse and means certain genes are expressed more than others. They call it the epigenome, how our environment affect our gene expression. They looked and obsevrved in children who had died sadly and been abused and saw they had greatly increased methylation. So it can actually affect your DNA and gene expression 

Yes! My current book Born Anxious by Daniel P. Keating speaks about methylation also. It is reassuring and saddening for me to understand better why I hit a wall of anxiety and depression a couple years ago.

[Orangeblossom77]

The book I read was called Super Genes by Deepak Chopra, it was fascinating, all about things like upbringing, diet and exercise and mindfulness etc and the epigenome. It all makes sense doesn't it.

[Artsy]

Great thread, Allforpeace,

Limiting or ending contact is the only thing that has ever worked for me as far as curbing the CPTSD symptoms.  When I had contact, I couldn't curb the anxiety or truly heal, but just cope at best.  There has been a massive purge in my life of people who make me feel that way, and it's been a little lonely, but empowering too. 

Up until my decision to go NC, I had managed with heavy boundaries.  I had to live overseas to feel truly safe and even then when we got back together, holidays were one big emotional flashback for me. 

It really is a personal decision, and the circumstances are different for everyone.  I would say to just know that you can't make a wrong decisions if you listen to your gut (and your body).  I'm a big believer in that.

I have this very old dog - just a funny side note - we started smelling burnt hair and realized he was standing right next to our space heater.  He was just looking at us while the heater slowly singed his hair and would have been on fire if we didn't smell the burning.  This is how it is with CPTSD, only we know were on fire, right?

Just my two cents.  Hope it helps.

[Orangeblossom77]

I feel the same about the NC. It is like a balm.

[CoffeeCup2]

I hope I'm posting this in the correct spot.

Right now it's 8:00 pm and my eyes are closing. My body is exhausted. Is it because of stbx and being drained by him?  Yes. Is it because I haven't had a day to myself in nearly a month?  Yes.

I can't even get into my happy place with visualizations any more

[CoffeeCup2]

So, my body feels like it's falling apart lately.

My knees ache. I now have issues with my neck and back that I have to see a chiropractor for.

My skin is breaking out in unexplained rashes, bumps and hives. I've changed nothing in my diet.

This has to be all related to the stress of being with stbx. It has to be.

[Trailblazing]

[ But, and this is a huge but, what it meant for me to respond to lower levels of anger was to stop being concerned about what toxic people thought of me standing up for myself. "



Spot on.

[CoffeeCup2]

Newest symptoms:

My nails are peeling so badly. I've never had this before.

Stomach issues.

Rashes and itchy bumps/hives all over my body. My skin crawls constantly.

My eyes glaze over constantly.

I get tingling in my fingers and toes.

My muscles ache for no reason.

[moglow]

Excellent suggestions shared here!

Locking due to thread length.