Work Problems

  • 22 Replies
  • 2233 Views
*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Work Problems
« on: October 28, 2017, 09:55:19 AM »
I need some help, some guidance on a situation at my job. I have worked for 6 months, part time, in an office. I'm new to office work but for the most part I catch on quickly enough. The training I received was weak and short. From day one, I have never felt comfy asking my boss questions because she appears irritated by anything I ask. I have seen her sigh and roll her eyes a couple times. So, instead I ask my co-workers and they gladly assist.

A couple months ago I worked on a difficult project with a co-worker and I/we forgot to write a specific name in a book and a manager from another department caught the mistake while looking it over in our office. He didn't seem bent about it. However, my boss came unhinged towards me and spewed a bunch of humiliating stuff at me in front of my co-workers and the other manager. I was stunned and apologized and then went and made the corrections. I had difficulty concentrating for the rest of my shift but managed to push through.

The next day, I spoke to her in private about her disrespectful behavior and said if it happens again I will walk away from the job. She appeared to understand what I was saying and things got better for a while. We, basically, tolerate each other.

Recently, there have been 3 incidents within days of each other that have made my anxiety go through the roof. The first was a small mishap where I put incorrect postage on some mail going out. I put it on several pieces of mail. Not knowing I had made the mistake, the mail was coming back returned. My boss became very hostile again, spoke rudely in front another co-worker. I said I had learned my lesson and would not do it again. Then, I said there were a few more pieces that would be returned and she flipped again. I said what's done is done. I felt like I was defending myself from a bully. She backed down. I was pissed and tired of being treated like an idiot. My boss then tried to smooth it over by talking about something that I had expertise in. I was done with her at that point.

The next week, I got written up for a pencil mark on a document. I took full responsibility for the mistake and apologized to all the people affected by my mistake. Most seemed understanding. I decided I would make a fresh start. Do better!!

Now, my hyper-vigilance is becoming a detriment. I worked on a project this week and was ultra-careful to put everything away just as I found it. The next day, she flew into my face and said I left stuff laying out that was to be placed back in the boxes I was working with. I told her I put everything away the way I found it. I went and looked and sure enough the papers were away from the box. I left it sitting there. I also noticed the boxes had been rearranged from the original way I left them. I said nothing more to her because I was not about to JADE and I was not  going to take responsibility for something I know I didn't do. This is gaslighting!! I am sure of it. She was pissed for the last 2 hours I was there. When I got up to leave she barked some angry stuff at me. She wanted a reaction and got nothing this time.

Words come to mind-baiting, bullying, gaslighting, intimidation, manipulation, narcissism, sabotage, and scapegoating. This stuff is happening to me. I have questioned myself repeatedly and feel crazy.

And, now, I am certain she will find every opportunity to write me up until she has the ammo to fire me. I feel like the only thing I can do is resign immediately, try to get through 2 more weeks and never return to that place again.

Help!!! :stars:

*

Hikercymru

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 579
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2017, 10:05:50 AM »
This sounds awful!!!
Is there anyone in work you can talk to?
Supervisor, colleagues, hr,  counsellour, union?
As you say it is no good being there at all.
In the UK, it is best not to resign if you want to take them for unfair dismissal, harassment or victimisation.
Please get some help, this is so wrong...
Hugs

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2017, 10:56:52 AM »
There is no one to talk to. Everyone in my office is afraid of her. It is horrible. I am having the health issues that plagued me when I was still enmeshed with my family coming back again. I have trouble sleeping, anxiety, nausea, and headaches. Cannot have this background anxiety hanging over me much longer.

My husband doesn't want to hear about it and I am probably driving friends crazy because I can't stop trying to figure out what to do. A former employer said he would take me back next month. And, I am grateful for that.

I'm a mess. Tired of PDs!

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2017, 11:00:04 AM »
My husband did say to start taking pictures when I am finished with stuff to document that I did it properly.

Holy hell!!!

*

NoVoice357

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 338
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2017, 03:43:33 PM »
Hello Wish Camp,

I am so sorry to hear about what is happening to you. Bullying is insidious and unfortunately people who do not know what it is like will not take you seriously. They will tell you that it is not a big deal when it actually is.

Bullies like your boss sabotage other people's work. I do not think you have made all the mistakes you have been were accused of. You seem to be responsible, honest and reliable. Please do not second-guess yourself. Yes, it is gaslighting. You are not crazy. She is sabotaging your work in order to have some evidence to use against you.  If you apologize for things you did not do, it will be seen as proof that your boss is right about you. 

If you decide to continue working at that company for some reason, you will have to protect yourself emotionally and professionally because I am afraid that your boss will not stop. You cannot control her behaviour. She is viciously targeting you. You have to document everything and, above all, stay calm and do not show any emotions. It is draining to put up with it and to be in a fight or flight mode all the time. Your emotional and physical health will suffer.
We only want to concentrate on our job instead of wasting time documenting everything but there are not many options left if we have to continue working in a toxic environment.

If your former employer said he would take you back, I would accept his offer. Your deserve to be treated with respect. Your health is also very important.

Good luck! :grouphug:

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2017, 04:28:25 PM »
Hi Novoice,
Yes, I totally agree that bullying is insidious. My husband doesn't think it's a big deal. He thinks I am too sensitive. He once told me I need to be better at anticipating what's coming my way. Well, all I do now is anticipate being yelled at and treated like a child. It is bullying and I am not sticking around for more.

I don't have the energy to keep doing all I'm doing to try to do the right thing because ultimately it is not the right thing. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I have my resignation letter ready.

*

NoVoice357

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 338
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2017, 06:00:28 PM »
Wish Camp,

It is not your fault. It is not possible to anticipate being chosen as target practice by a disordered individual like your boss. Your husband cannot understand because he is not the one on the receiving end.
You are not too sensitive at all. Your body is already telling you that something is wrong. Yes, the only thing you can anticipate now is more mental, emotional and psychological abuse. Bullying is aggression. Your boss will spread lies to isolate you. When other people at work believe the bully and join her, we may have a group against us. You will start worrying about what she will do next, what (not) to do and so on and you will not be able to concentrate on your work. In the long term, it can lead to PTSD.

Fortunately you have better options and I hope you will feel better soon.
 :bighug:


*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2017, 07:39:55 PM »
I agree 100%. I already worry about what she's going to do next. I feel like she's breathing down my neck. I cannot believe I am the target of this. I already suffer from PTSD from past traumatic experiences. And, this is ratcheting it up. Since the last incident, I have been unable to concentrate on my normal home routine. All I want to do is hand her the letter.

Here's a question about the letter: Do I just put it on her desk right in front of everyone or take her to a private area and hand it to her?

How did I get to this point? I was a stay at home mom looking to start slowly into work and I found this nightmare of a job.

*

Bloomie

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 14275
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #8 on: October 28, 2017, 08:46:34 PM »
A couple of thoughts Wish Camp. It is clear you need to move on from this hostile environment and mistreatment, but a thought would be to document as closely as possible all that you have experienced with this manager, who was present during these verbal dressing downs, the effects this has had upon you, and have that on hand for your own peace of mind and possibly also consider sending a copy of your resignation letter along with the documentation of the poor treatment and your reasons for leaving to this manager's supervisor/and or human resources on the day you actually leave the building.

This is terrible treatment, but this is also illegal behaviors toward you and others.

I hope you find a more accepting and less stressful environment going forward and am just so sorry this has happened. You deserve better!


*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2017, 01:18:39 AM »
Thank you so much Bloomie for the tips. I found my original documentation from the summer and added these last incidents. It's a sum total of six different times where she mistreated me. I will go back over it and make a more thorough explanation as you advised. I plan to give the directors the resignation letter first thing and then request that she and I speak in private, at which time I will give her her copy of the letter. I plan to inform her that the people above her have been given copies of the letter.

I don't believe I will make it to my end date and I am okay with that. My husband is now well aware of the seriousness of the situation and is onboard.

I cannot let this eat at me any longer. I don't understand how a person can be so awful.

I am so thankful for this forum! SO THANKFUL!!  :bighug:


*

NoVoice357

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 338
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2017, 08:04:40 AM »
Anyone can be bullied, Wish Camp. It could have happened to you before you were a stay at home mom.

If you wrote a letter about her bullying behaviour and you give it to her, you will be giving her a weapon to use against you. You can speak to people who understand and support you, not to those who lack empathy or are not interested in what is happening to you or cannot understand how damaging and devastating this form of abuse is.

IMO, you are dealing with someone who has a NPD. Non dysfunctional people do not behave like she does. Not only will she never accept any responsibility for her actions but also she could use your letter as evidence against you. Explaining to her what she already knows will get you nowhere if she has a NPD. She will twist your words and others will believe her. She has probably warned people against you to neutralize the impact of your words.

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2017, 10:16:54 AM »
NoVoice, I agree. The letter I wrote is a very generic resignation letter. It simply states I'm done and I'm gone. I have no plans of discussing it further than saying, Here's my resignation". If she wishes to discuss it my response will be that there is nothing to discuss. And, if she's hostile, I will pack my things and leave. Over and out!

And, yes, my arm chair diagnosis is NPD. Everything is about her. Somehow, I became a great source of supply for her. And, I realize I have no allies within the walls of my work. They will put their heads down. They will walk away. They fear for their jobs. And, I understand but I have suffered a lot of covert abuse in my life and I won't stay in a place that my intuition says get away and fast. :sadno:

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2017, 10:27:55 AM »
I also would like to say that having the weekend to post here and get feedback has been a lifesaver. I have much more clarity and strength. Pretty sure my body said enough to fight or flight on Thursday. I held my ground, didn't react, and took away her power. Although at the time, I didn't realize I was definitely gone, my body made the decision.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.

*

Bloomie

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 14275
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #13 on: October 29, 2017, 12:33:20 PM »
I also would like to say that having the weekend to post here and get feedback has been a lifesaver. I have much more clarity and strength. Pretty sure my body said enough to fight or flight on Thursday. I held my ground, didn't react, and took away her power. Although at the time, I didn't realize I was definitely gone, my body made the decision.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.

It takes a great deal of courage to hold your ground as you have done! Will be thinking of you as you resign tomorrow. If and when you can let us know how you are doing!

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #14 on: October 29, 2017, 03:16:47 PM »
Thank you Bloomie for the support and inspiration. I will post as soon as I am able. I'm nervous but I feel much better today than I have in a while.


*

NoVoice357

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 338
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #15 on: October 29, 2017, 05:13:35 PM »
I wish you good luck tomorrow, Wish Camp!

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #16 on: October 29, 2017, 05:36:02 PM »
NoVoice, thank you for your help. Both you and Bloomie have been so much help and have made my anxiety dissipate greatly.

I feel ready to deal with what I will face tomorrow.

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #17 on: October 30, 2017, 09:23:18 PM »
She was eerily calm and collected when I spoke to her. I handed her my resignation letter and said it was not a good fit for me. She agreed and said she had plans to train me to do backup work for a coworker but saw that I just didn't have what it takes. That is a crock! The poor training set me up for absolute failure. She simply passed the buck. She disliked me from soon after I started and wanted me gone.

 :blowup:

If there are any snipes at me, I will be gone before my end date.

I feel better now that I know I am out of there. I just think what a waste of time and energy and to be cast aside like rubbish.

*

Bloomie

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 14275
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #18 on: October 30, 2017, 10:09:25 PM »
She was eerily calm and collected when I spoke to her. I handed her my resignation letter and said it was not a good fit for me. She agreed and said she had plans to train me to do backup work for a coworker but saw that I just didn't have what it takes. That is a crock! The poor training set me up for absolute failure. She simply passed the buck. She disliked me from soon after I started and wanted me gone.

 :blowup:

If there are any snipes at me, I will be gone before my end date.

I feel better now that I know I am out of there. I just think what a waste of time and energy and to be cast aside like rubbish.
This is totally unprofessional and an unwarranted response to your resignation! I am really glad you are on your way out of the door and on to a healthier and more supportive environment. Life is just too short to deal with this kind of treatment.

*

Wish Camp

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 124
Re: Work Problems
« Reply #19 on: October 30, 2017, 11:56:17 PM »
I concur Bloomie.  I am now in this space where I feel like a fool for not seeing the writing on the wall in the summer. I became very discontent and could not put my finger on why. Looking back, I see it clearly now. And, I did see the light so that's good.

I have a nice life with my FOC a :hulk:nd I feel robbed of happiness by this woman. And, No Voice, you said something about her speaking to others to neutralize my impact. Today, I am absolutely sure she did this. So, many seemingly small events that add up to one big blow off to me. I dislike using the term but I feel paranoid, unable to trust anyone there.

I need to stay strong to weather the last of this malarkey. Such a sickness.

Thanks for the strength!!

 :hulk: