The surgery saga continues

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jennsc85

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The surgery saga continues
« on: November 04, 2017, 06:53:42 PM »
So, last night my mother went to the ER and was there for 13 hours according to her. Apparently nothing was serious enough to warrant surgery… Imagine that.she texted me when she woke up today and there was no mention of me refusing to take her to the emergency room yesterday. She texted me when she woke up and was texting all the normal stuff about her health problems and how horrible she feels etc. etc.

She asked me to pick her something up at Walmart which has been  happening  every other day since her surgery if not every day. I was going to Walmart for something for myself anyway so I figured I would get it. Well, one thing turned into a list of things which turned into me going to three different places looking for things. She actually told me that she didn't like the toilet paper brands at Walmart so I would need to go to Kroger to get them instead. So I did all this but I was furious the entire time. My kids were with me and my two-year-old was throwing a fit because he was bored I was upset because I was taking time away from things that I needed to do at home. And I've decided that I just can't do these daily errands for her every day for the next six weeks.

Would it be a good idea to send her a text message addressing that? I was thinking of saying "Mom I'm not able to go out every day or every other day this week to get things. I will go one day a week. Otherwise I know Walmart has two day shipping. I just can't keep going as often as I have been this past week."

I was going to JADE And tell her how my kids were upset and crabby and how I'm using extra gas to go all  over the place and how it's stressing me out and how I'm not having any time with my family… But I realized that that wouldn't do any good because she won't care. She would have some response about how she's more important because she said surgery and blah blah blah and I don't really feel like hearing that.

Do you think what I came up with is ok? Or is it too confrontational? Not clear enough?  I'm mad at myself for getting roped into it today I guess I thought that where she had been at the emergency room for half a day it would be nice of me to pick her up some stuff while I was going to the store that I was going to go to anyways. But as usual it turns into wat more than it supposed to and I just can't take it. How do I keep myself at a distance from all this while still helping until she's more able to do things herself? I'm thinking of implementing a break when this is all over but for the time being how do I stay sane?

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Seven

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2017, 07:03:30 PM »
My idea would be to look for errand companies in your mother's area.  You cant keep doing this.  It's too ridiculous.  Or you say "I will do it MY way or otherwise you can find someone else to do it!!"

Or just say "im peacing out.  Done!! Fin!!"  DO NOT JADE.  She knows what she is doing to you, she's doing it on purpose, and she needs no explanation. 

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moglow

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2017, 07:19:09 PM »
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She actually told me that she didn't like the toilet paper brands at Walmart so I would need to go to Kroger to get them instead...

THIS is the hill she has chosen to die on: toilet paper??  Seriously, read that again.


She's toying with you because she can. She knew she was having this surgery (how far in advance??) and still failed to make adequate preparation. Her stuff, not yours.

I could roll with it if the cat only ate particular brands of food (mine are that way) but still. She knew weeks ago and could/ should have prepared. She didn't because else knew she could guilt you into it. AND apparently she's managed to research what's available where, so you have to make yet another trip. Think about that.

My advice - see if there are errand services in her area, provide her contact info for them. For you (if it'll appease your sense if obligation), agree to running x errand on y day and that's IT. She gives you a list and you bring it back, leave it on the porch. Period. When delivery is complete, you mute her calls/texts.

Find some boundaries here, build a damn wall if you have to. You are not on call 24/7 unless you allow it. Really. You're not. What, really, can she do if you fail her (and you will Because she set it up that way)? Not a thing other than cry and complain. Nothing.
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MIB

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2017, 07:42:30 PM »
Hmm, I might not say something proactively, but rather the next time she asks, I'd reply (by text), "I'd love to help but I won't have the chance to go shopping until Xday. If you can wait till then, I'll grab them then. If not, you can ask Whoever to pick then up or order them online and have them delivered. "

Do you think that could work?

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Zebrastriped

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2017, 08:24:16 PM »
jennsc85, if you don't want to run the errands, don't.  Alternately, I agree you need to set some boundaries here.  I'm available to my parents for short number of hours, one day a week.  It morphed into errands, which suits me fine, its better than in the house with the two of them toxic dancing.  Routinely, my dad and I visit 4+ stores every errand day because this thing is only available at that store.  Because there is no planning, my dad has visited the same store two days in a row.  Totally a drag for him, he hates shopping.

Your response sounds fine to me, except that based on my experience, you might want to limit the number of stores.  I see that you have experienced this already.  So, potentially, its
"mom, I visit Walmart on Wednesdays.  Give me your Wally list Tuesday night and I will drop off Wed afternoon on my way to __________ (fill in the blank with a specific time thing ie. get kids from school, be at bus stop).  Thus, you can exit swiftly and not be pulled down the rabbit hole.  It took me a good couple of years and some misfires to become errand Alexa, so it may take you time to find a balance between your sanity and her need.

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raindrop

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2017, 09:07:53 PM »
Hi Jenn, I just caught up on your other thread. You've started taking steps to free yourself and it's scary: The backlash is scary from M, and maybe freedom is scary too - for me it's going to be about finding an identity outside FOO, and that's actually pretty hard! But so worth it! Do send that text, either in response to the next request or proactively. "I can't run errands this often. I go to Walmart on Thursday and I can pick some things up there for you then. For anything else, call the delivery company, here's their number."

You're doing great! Don't stop, keep  pushing. I know you're exhausted but you can do it!
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
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VividImagination

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2017, 09:48:41 PM »
One thing I find very interesting...once you set an ironclad boundary ("I will not take you to the hospital") she never mentions it again once the crisis has passed...she moves on to another way to make you jump. Set the boundary here and see what she moves on to next. Her available list of ways to control you is shrinking since her threats never come about...I guess the hospital police were too busy to pick you up.

There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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jennsc85

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2017, 10:03:54 PM »
Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! I like the Idea of waiting for her to ask me for something rather than just putting it out there because she might take that as being confrontational or something. I guess I thought it might be better to tell her ahead of time so that if she says tomorrow or the next day that she needs x y and z I would have already told her that I couldn't get it so she could make other plans. Does that make any sense?

I just feel like I have no semblance of how to get control of this whole situation with her. I let it get completely out of hand by agreeing to do anything in the first place. It just feel so wildly manipulative that I went out on Thursday and got her $200 worth of groceries that she picked out and there's STILL stuff she needs. How does that even happen? If you know that you're using half a tube of this special cream every day then freaking order 10 of them! She's done stuff this my entire life and I am just so sick of it.

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raindrop

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2017, 11:11:00 PM »
Yeah she's totally doing that on purpose, she's pushing boundaries to see how far she can go, like kids do.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
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jennsc85

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2017, 11:32:13 PM »
One thing I find very interesting...once you set an ironclad boundary ("I will not take you to the hospital") she never mentions it again once the crisis has passed...she moves on to another way to make you jump. Set the boundary here and see what she moves on to next. Her available list of ways to control you is shrinking since her threats never come about...I guess the hospital police were too busy to pick you up.

I hadn't even thought of this, but you're right. Several months ago when I said I wouldn't pick her up from an appointment and I got the ST for a week... she initially just ignored what had happened and only threw it in my face later on that she was left waiting in the rain and whatnot. Other times I've told her "no" she just acts like it never happened. I honestly hadn't even noticed until you mentioned that! Today the only thing she had to say was that she wished my 6 year old was 10 years older so that she could stay with her and help her after this surgery. God, no. My worst fear is my kids being roped into the same crap that I've been roped into.

But anyways, no, the hospital police did not come after me! Surprise surprise! I guess it was another empty threat. I really was worried last night that because she gave them my name that I'd be summoned to the hospital or something. I still feel like she has so much power in so many ways but I suppose a lot of that power is just manipulation that's been implanted in my brain since...forever. I just worry that one day one of her threats will have some actual clout.

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VividImagination

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #10 on: November 04, 2017, 11:57:04 PM »
That's an easy fix. What viable legal threat can an aging parent hold over an adult child?

Unless you have signed some sort of paperwork naming you as healthcare proxy or POA or there are filial laws in your state (easily searchable online) that require children to care for their parents, there is nothing.

My favorite tactic of visualizing the worst thing a PD can do so you can prepare yourself works here also. Research EXACTLY what you are responsible for in your state in regards to your parent. You will probably be pleasantly surprised. Then you can rest easy knowing that the threats are empty, as they all have been so far.

She knows the terror she causes in you, and she happily does it to get what she wants. Your poor kids....she sounds like she's already planning who to replace you with when you bail...please protect them!!!
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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jennsc85

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2017, 12:11:24 AM »
I've never signed any kind of legally binding paperwork like POA. The only thing I've ever done is sign something saying that she understood she was sedated for a surgery she had like 6 months ago.

Unfortunately there are filial laws in my state. I contacted an elder law attorney who said that they have not been used in our state in many, many years. They told me that unless I'm extraordinarily wealthy I shouldn't worry... apparently the most well known recent case of filial law was in Pennsylvania where some guy had to pay for his mother's nursing home but he was a multi millionaire, according to what this lawyer said.

I'd really like to go for a consultation just to ease my mind but it's something I can't afford right now. I guess I'll try to put that worry in the back of my mind. Even if it did happen, I'd rather go to jail than be forced to care for her.

I think she thinks my kids will be my replacement if something happens to me or if I eventually refuse to help her. I feel like I should tell my kids something but at 6 and 2 I don't know that they'd really "get it" yet. They are around her as little as possible which I think is the best defense at this point.

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VividImagination

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2017, 12:36:21 AM »
They are around her as little as possible which I think is the best defense at this point.

It is. If they have no attachment to her and she hasn't indoctrinated them with FOG, then when they are adults they will have zero interest in the crazy old lady.

I'd really like to go for a consultation just to ease my mind but it's something I can't afford right now. I guess I'll try to put that worry in the back of my mind. Even if it did happen, I'd rather go to jail than be forced to care for her.

I really wouldn't worry about it. Although I'm not an attorney, the fact alone that your mother had access to very large sums of money (the large settlement and large checks she receives from her father) but yet squandered it would lend a great deal of credence to the fact that she was in fact much better off financially than you, a working (I assume middle class) parent with a family of four. This is easily traceable, as I'm sure all of these payments have passed through her personal bank account. I would assume that a parent with an income as substantial as your mother's would be laughed out of court if she demanded filial support. A parent must be indigent for this to even apply, Your mother is far from indigent, and although I do not doubt she would quit her job to drive her agenda, she must be able to prove is she is totally and completely unABLE to work, not simply unwilling. That is not indigent...that is lazy.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2017, 12:40:39 AM »
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feel like I have no semblance of how to get control of this whole situation with her
You're on the right track with boundaries. You got the idea with no JADE.

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saying "Mom I'm not able to go out every day or every other day this week to get things. I will go one day a week. Otherwise I know Walmart has two day shipping. I just can't keep going as often as I have been this past week."
In the second half of your boundary statement you outline clearly what you will you will do and even offer a suggestion for how she can help herself. The first sentence is entirely optional and may feel less confrontational if you concentrate your statement on what you can do rather than what you cannot or will not do.

Quote
she gave them my name that I'd be summoned to the hospital or something
my smart mouth MC inner tween brain says "pfff make me" :tongue2:
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WomanInterrupted

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2017, 01:18:37 AM »
Addressing your issues, in no particular order:

1.  "Mom, I'm going to the store on Thursday.  That is the ONLY day I'm going to the store.  If you need something before then, order it from Amazon.  Otherwise, have it delivered from Walmart."

If she whines or pitches a fit, you're going to have to pull out the big guns:  "Mom - I said no, so stop it.  The discussion is over.  Goodbye."

TOO BAD about the Walmart toilet paper.  If she doesn't like it - she can order something she does like from Amazon.  Otherwise, she can go to Kroger and get it her damned self!   :evil2:

And yes - she had plenty of time to stock up, especially on cat and dog food!  I know milk and bread are a little trickier, but that's why she has a FREEZER.  :roll:

To expand on something Moglow said - we have a couple of cats who are picky eaters and one who is on a restricted diet.  I'd be loaded for BEAR in that department if I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out or around for quite a while.  I wouldn't leave it to chance - or for the last minute.  I'd just buy a few extra cans a week for a few months and be comfortable in the knowledge that no matter what, the Wrecking Crew has food.   :)

So, all these trips to the store - no more.  Once a week, if then - if she's lucky and you don't block her for continually sending you on endless Quests.   >:(

I'm sorry - that toilet paper thing really pissed me off FOR you.    >:(

Then again, that Walmart toilet paper could come in handy if you wanted to TP her house!   :bigwink:

2.  I notice she got herself HOME from the hospital and didn't call or text 10,000 times for a ride.  There was NO mention of a ride - just that she was home.

So she IS capable of doing things for herself and like a child, is pushing your boundaries, to see what she can and can't get away with!   :roll:

3.  Filial responsibilities - most states trot them out in cases like you described (very wealthy adult children), but usually use them as a scare tactic when an aging parent needs to go on Medicaid, but won't give out the extensive information Medicaid needs.   They "threaten" the adult children to get the parent to comply - or have the adult children to find the info, if the parent either can't or won't.

That's why I had an eldercare attorney - not because I'd be on the hook, but to shelter some assets and slay the Medicaid Monster *for* me - because it really IS an impressive beast and I wasn't going to tussle with that, all by myself!   :aaauuugh:

4.  You're NOT going to get in any trouble with the hospital if you don't answer their calls, don't return messages, don't show up, or don't do a thing if she goes back in for whatever reason.  You are NOT a responsible party!

What you ARE is contact info/next of kin - that's all.  If you had a procedure, you'd give them your DH's contact info, and maybe the info of your BFF - it's on file as a "just in case" precaution.

When a hospital calls you about something important, it usually goes like this:  Do you know if she's got a DNR in place?  You don't?  Okay...we have to treat her like she doesn't.  Thanks for clarifying that.

Or:  "Ray is in the treatment room and wants his teeth.  Can you bring them in?  No?   Okay, I'll tell him."   :roll:

Unless you're the Medical Proxy, they probably won't call you for anything.

5.  If you don't WANT to do anything for her, you don't HAVE to.  You can give her a warning about ordering things from Walmart and Amazon and block her number, if you want - which I'd DO at this point because the woman acts like an anxiety-ridden sadist, who gets off on torturing you!

I suggest blocking her number because every time you put up a boundary, she escalates - and she's going to keep right on doing it until her dying breath.

Not only will she have you running for HOURS a day, if you let her, you'll be over there *every single day* with another medical or veterinary crisis du jour, she'll start making demands YOU give her enemas or glove up and remove that nasty impacted turd!

OR...I can't even believe I'm typing this   :blink:...you may start getting calls that it's an emergency, you have to come NOW, RIGHT NOW and *look at the poop in the toilet!*  There's something WRONG with it!  She needs you to SEE it!   :barfy:

Every single one of these things happened with Didi, and every single time, she got, "No - I can't do that.  You need to speak to your doctor.  I can't help you."

Didi wasn't bludgeoning me with a billion calls and texts a day, so I was in a much stronger state of mind - your mom is *relentless* at constantly wearing you down and trying to erode your confidence.

Since she's never going to give up, blocking her is the path of least resistance for *your* state of mind.   :yes:

You've GOT THIS!   8-)

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daughterofbpd

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #15 on: November 05, 2017, 03:33:34 AM »
That's insane, how could one person "need" that much stuff? My grandma had this thing were she thought she needed to stockpile everything "just in case" which was kind of ridiculous since she had several people who would be willing to run to the store if she was ever in danger of running out of something (and trust me, she never got anywhere near close to running out of anything). Maybe it's an anxiety thing? Even so, by giving in to her "needs" every time, you aren't really helping her get over that anxiety and realize she will survive if she doesn't have 32 extra rolls of toilet paper on the exact day she wants them. These things aren't NEEDS, they're WANTS. She will survive without them and if she really believes that she can't then she can order online. So yeah, having to have a specific brand of TP is not a NEED. Also, I would suggest offering up ONE shopping trip per week (when you do your own shopping) to ONE store. If she forgets to have you buy something, she can wait until the following week. Or she can order it herself. I think she's playing games with you also, very pleased with herself that she can command you to run all around town for her.

You have actual NEEDS that aren't being met right now: the need for peace, the need for rest (emotional and physical), the need to have the energy to care for your dependent children, the need for quality family time with your FOC, the need for some time to yourself, the need to not be emotionally abused.... Now, don't all those things sound more important than your M's extra rolls of designer toilet paper???

Sorry if that was too tough love. I think you are doing great but you seem really exhausted and over-worked and I'm afraid you can't go on like this much longer. I have a 2 year old, btw, and I have no idea how you are managing all of this.
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daughter

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2017, 12:08:16 PM »
As I recall, your mother's in her early 60s, and maybe has a wealthy father who is still alive?  (Or is that Dinah-Sore?) Regardless, your chances of an elder-care legal-suit are nil.  Your legal responsibilities for managing life-needs and household requirements of a woman in her 60s are ZERO, so long as you DON'T SIGN any legal documents assuming POA, custody-care, or hospital discharge papers confirming that you're responsible person for her.

Jenn, you and Dinah-Sore are at significant risk of becoming captive full-time caregivers to your reasonably-healthy NPD mothers.  You're both TOO AVAILABLE. 

Your mothers likely have years life ahead of them, but seem dependent personalities who rely upon other family members (principally YOU) to function as their life-manager.  This needs to stop, for both of you, before your truly jeopardize your own emotional well-being, neglect your own families, marriage, and children, and get "swallowed-whole" by your overtly narcissistic and extremely demanding mothers.  These expectations and demands foisted on you two are unreasonable, overwhelming, and demonstrating a toxic degree of control and self-entitlement.  I think both of you need to create significant new boundaries, reduce amount of time available for "mom attention", and begin to respond to these demands with rote response: "mom, it's time to move to a senior-care facility or hire a caregiver; I'm unable to devote this amount of time to you, because it's causing far too much disruption at home." 

And then screen your calls, and respond to her calls only every second day, then every third day, and so forth, until you're at once-a-week contact, at most, if contact is desired by you.  Your mother have persistent "learned helplessness"; her demands are ultimately rewarded, time and again, causing a Pavlovian response of "bark enough and I get a treat" self-entitlement.  Hereon, consider "emergencies" as genuine only once she's in ER and ER has called YOU - our npd-mothers have a terrific sense of self-preservation and self-care; so in genuine emergency, their own 911 call will be made

My hyper-needy "queen bee" NBM was routinely "sucking all the oxygen" too.  My otherwise enviably healthy NBM is a hypochondriac, who NF routinely drives to ER (never ambulance, note) at least once a month, for years, with exaggerated symptoms that never result in any diagnosis beyond "anxiety".  NBM has had many self-diagnosed "cancer scares" and "heart attacks", none medically confirmed.  Even NBM's routine cataract surgery turned into a three-week daily doctor visit demand, until opthatomologist "fired" her from his office.  These theatrics were routine while I was still "dutiful daughter", with yes, the "drop everything, come now" dictum expounded by both NBM and my enabler-enforcer NF.  During decade before my NC decision, I stopped responding to the calls, let them go into voicemail, sometimes calling NF to say "call me if it's anything really", sometimes ignoring episode altogether.  Yes, I finally chose to go NC, for many reasons, I was the maligned SG, in addition to being "dutiful daughter/good girl", but these looming eldercare responsibilities, me as obvious future designated "go-fer" caregiver, truly worried me.  I've one sibling, GC "princess" nsis, incapable of doing anything for anyone, (who interestingly my NBM and NF did every little household and childcare task for her, note role-reversal, while nsis did zip for anyone in my family).  My NBM and NF had zero responsibilities for their own parents' eldercare, yet nonetheless they often expressed their presumption that I was their "eldercare plan".  I feared being chained to my NBM and NF in their final years.  The last 5+ years of peaceful NC have been a blessing to me. 

We don't "owe" our difficult parents our constant attention; a mutually-respectful and empathetic relationship is needed before "needs" can be reasonably addressed.   
« Last Edit: November 05, 2017, 12:17:48 PM by daughter »

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Malini

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #17 on: November 05, 2017, 12:30:17 PM »
Quote
Didi wasn't bludgeoning me with a billion calls and texts a day, so I was in a much stronger state of mind - your mom is *relentless* at constantly wearing you down and trying to erode your confidence.

Jennsc85 - when I read WI post - this jumped out at me and reminded me of many a torture scene I've watched on TV. Relentless, not letting people catch their breath, breaking them down until they are too weary or in so much pain (and your emotional pain is just as real as any physical pain) to resist. Just making them feel continually under siege and fighting for their lives until they give in.  :aaauuugh:

She is going to try and wrangle you back into dutiful daughter mode without any consideration for your well being or the wellbeing of her grandchildren, etc., only her needs are important and she'll try and get you to toe the line at whatever cost to you (her daughter  :roll:).

You can put a stop to this, you can prioritise your children's needs over hers, you can prioritize your health over hers. You've already done so well during this crisis, it's scary and you've been so brave.  Your actions are already bearing fruit in the area you tackled, it's working. Your 2 year old really does need you to look out for her needs and care for her. Your mom is an adult and has a ton of other options to get her needs met.

As dutiful daughters, we are so used to putting aside our own needs to cater for our parents shenanigans. I found it easier to set boundaries, in the beginning of coming OOTF) when I kept the wellbeing and happiness of my children as the primary goal for doing this. And this included not just refusing to be at my parents beck and call 24/24 but also ensuring I was in good mental shape myself to be the mom I wanted to be.

Thinking of and rooting for you.  :bighug:




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jennsc85

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #18 on: November 05, 2017, 03:34:00 PM »
Daughter- "Your mother have persistent "learned helplessness"; her demands are ultimately rewarded, time and again, causing a Pavlovian response of "bark enough and I get a treat" self-entitlement. " This is the absolute truth. My mother has learned, her entire life, that if she causes a huge enough scene that she will get her way. Everyone in her life who was in a "caregiver" position for her was always so fearful of her rages and reactions that they'd eventually relent rather than deal with her wrath. I'm in that category too. It's difficult for me to stand up to her because she is SO persistent. She told me once that "No" to her meant "Try harder." She doesn't think of "no" as "no" she sees it as a challenge and does whatever she has to in order to turn it into a yes, and then she berates the other person for not being more cheerful about helping her.


She actually just texted me telling me something that she needed that she had NO IDEA she was going to need. She asked me if I was going to the store today and I said...

"No, and I'm not going to be able to make trips to the store for stuff more than once a week." I told her to pick between two days that I gave her and told her I am not able to keep going every day or every other day and that Walmart has 2 day shipping on almost everything, as does Amazon....

She said "I know that" and told me that being in the ER for 13 affects one's memory and that she wasn't thinking of this item yesterday  but that she needs it NOW.

I'm going to try really hard to hold strong to this one. It sounds like something she really needs but her dog and pony show yesterday stressed me out about as much as I could take. She just said "This is a HEALTH CARE NEED! Not an f-ing cell phone accessory, Jenn!!!"
« Last Edit: November 05, 2017, 03:35:33 PM by jennsc85 »

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jennsc85

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #19 on: November 05, 2017, 03:48:03 PM »
OK she just said "You would be a prime candidate for elder abuse."

I'm torn between ignoring it and saying "Fortunately I'm not a caregiver for an elderly person."

Stuff like that scares me so bad. She couldn't actually get me in trouble for elder abuse for not getting her health related item, right?