The surgery saga continues

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Amadahy

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #60 on: November 07, 2017, 04:23:25 PM »
Protect you and your FOC fiercely, Jenn.  You deserve a happy, peaceful life.  ❤️
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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moglow

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #61 on: November 07, 2017, 04:29:14 PM »
Jenn, you can just not discuss your mother with him, and refuse to be *their* go-between as well. Tell him flat out you aren't going to discuss that relationship with him, then subject change "so tell me about your garden..." If he's always enabled her, odds are since you've gone silent with her this is just more of the same. To put it another way, it may be time to make some much needed changes for your own sake, let them figure out their own.

Just because the monkeys fly doesn't mean you have to give them a soft place to land. ;)
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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VividImagination

  • Fear is not real; it is a product of the thoughts you create. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. - After Earth
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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #62 on: November 07, 2017, 04:40:04 PM »
And it also means that he probably wants to get you back into your role so she'll stop badgering HIM.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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DaisyGirl77

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #63 on: November 07, 2017, 07:31:59 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement, you guys! I have her number blocked today still and was planning on keeping it that way until tomorrow...

I guess sitting at work makes me overthink and worry because I've come up with endless possibilities of what she's planning to get back at me. She did not ever respond to my email.

My grandpa texted me during my lunch and asked me to call him after work regarding something with my mom. I asked him if I should be worried and he said he didn't know.

Now I'm shaking I'm so nervous about what he is going to tell me. She's probably told him what she's planning. Should I unblock her number to see if she texts something? I'm so nervous about what he has to tell me.

This jumped out at me.  "If you don't know what's wrong with her, neither do I.  If she has an issue, she needs to talk to her doctor."
I lived with my dad's uPD mom for 3.5 years.  This is my story:  http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=59780.0  (TW for abuse descriptions.)

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." - Anonymous

NC with uNM since December 2016.  VLC with uPDF.

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Iguanagos

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #64 on: November 07, 2017, 09:42:20 PM »
This may seem counterintuitive, but I view your grandpa's sudden involvement as a positive. It's a sign that you are having success drawing boundaries with your M, and she was digging deeper into her resources to try desperately to force you back into your place. So please don't be discouraged, be encouraged!  As they say, it's always darkest just before dawn.

This is when it's hardest, when you're making progress but your anxieties are pegging the meter. Hang in there, as others have said, you are doing just the right thing.

Please don't give into these attempts to get you back in your "place".

I agree that a short period of NC, like a week or so, from both your mother and grandfather, would do wonders for your perspective. You would be able to see and truly feel that the world did in fact not end and that everything and everybody got by just fine.  As we all say, you've got this!

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VividImagination

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Re: The surgery saga continues
« Reply #65 on: November 07, 2017, 10:06:53 PM »
I agree that a short period of NC, like a week or so, from both your mother and grandfather, would do wonders for your perspective. You would be able to see and truly feel that the world did in fact not end and that everything and everybody got by just fine.  As we all say, you've got this!

Fabulous advice. Jenn, you are a rock star. I know I speak for everyone here when I say how very, very proud we are of you. You have done wonders and have come so far, even though it may not seem that way at times. Take a nice long break from her, banish her from your mind when she pops up, and start a new thread to tell us about life on the other side of normal.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.