A few questions:

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DJCleo

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A few questions:
« on: November 12, 2017, 09:58:20 PM »
1. From a spiritual perspective, especially but not only catholic/Christian/ what is the reason for mental illness in our lives? Does it force us to become kinder and show grace to others who deserve it as little as we do? If weíre all sinners, then I feel like thereís a spiritual significance of showing grace to others who donít deserve it as God shows us grace. Like Hosea was told to marry a prostitute in order to demonstrate Godís faithfulness to us although we hurt Him over and over.


2. I get the advice a lot to practice a lot of self care after spending any time with my BPD in law. Is that good spiritual advice? Our reward is in heaven from God who sees us do things for Him in secret, not necessarily now in our time. How else do I deal with the tough emotions that come after an interaction with my PD MIL? I have a hard time with that because sometimes I want a pat on the back from my husband but thatís not going to take away the angst I have. I go to therapy and I get to tell my therapist all of my good and bad and ugly feelings.


3. I know I could just go NC with MIL but itís important to my husband so Iím trying for his sake. Itís LC.


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GettingOOTF

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Re: A few questions:
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2017, 10:09:58 PM »
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Our reward is in heaven from God who sees us do things for Him in secret, not necessarily now in our time

I struggled with many of the things you mention in your post. I was discussing it with someone and they said “G_d doesn’t want you to be small” and they asked why I thought that He would.

For me this was a turning point in how I viewed myself, my place in the world and what I would accept from others.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2017, 10:16:13 PM by GettingOOTF »

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DJCleo

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Re: A few questions:
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2017, 10:39:12 PM »
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Our reward is in heaven from God who sees us do things for Him in secret, not necessarily now in our time

I struggled with many of the things you mention in your post. I was discussing it with someone and they said ďG_d doesnít want you to be smallĒ and they asked why I thought that He would.

For me this was a turning point in how I viewed myself, my place in the world and what I would accept from others.


Iím not sure I follow. What do you mean by small?

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GettingOOTF

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Re: A few questions:
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2017, 10:42:42 PM »
That why would I assume that suffering and dealing with everyone’s problems and not putting myself forward and being the best, happiest person I could possibly be was what G_d wanted for me.

Why would I think He wanted others to reach their full potential and not me.

ETA why did I think that my suffering was honoring Him instead of me embracing and living the life He gave me to its fullest potential?
« Last Edit: November 12, 2017, 10:45:04 PM by GettingOOTF »

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sparrow

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Re: A few questions:
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2017, 10:16:00 PM »
I think God is in charge, but he isn't in control. He gave control/dominion of the earth to us, and that's why it's so messed up. He's not playing puppets on strings, we each have God-given autonomy. With the introduction of sin came death and illness. I don't see mental illness as much different from physical illness. I don't think God gave us mental illness, I think it came with sin and sickness. I think some mentally ill people are best cared for by medical professionals in the confounds of a professional therapeutic relationship. I don't think family members and friends should let mentally ill people abuse them, using the excuse that they're caretaking. Just my personal opinion.

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tommom

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Re: A few questions:
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2017, 09:05:23 AM »
I agree with sparrow. Mental illness is not something given to us by God. And it is not a requirment to stay in a close relationship (although I don''t know about the 'Catholic' perspective. I do know that many Christians now say it is provided for a victim to leave a relationship that is abusive : (1 Corinthians 7:15 Ė "But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. For God has called us to peace." and there are lots of things that would fall under "abandonment", IMHO, not just adultery.) I think that pretty well would address alot of the problems with relationships with the mentally ill, and not just in a marriage. God wants us to have peace. Yes, I do believe we can show kindness to others, but we do NOT need to allow them to violate our boundaries. Who WE ARE is who God made US to be. That is deserving of respect. We need to respect others AND ourselves. (Hard to do with PDs.) I always liked to think of Mary and Martha in those situations. You know, Jesus saying "She's doing what she needs to do." He was so wonderfully respectful of Mary's desire to hear what he had to say instead of doing what she was "supposed" to do according to her sister and society. Mary was making a decision based on her own deeply felt needs.

I know how hard it is with PD inlaws, too. I had both a MIL and FIL who were PD as well a both of their children, one of whom I married. But being kind and taking care of yourself aren't mutually exclusive. (It took me a while to realize that, though.) I had to learn to draw some boundaries with them, and that was very hard.

I wish you the best of luck....
"It is not my job to fix other people; everyone is on their own journey."