[FOGs]

Does anyone out there feel dread day after day?  Divorced almost a year ago, XW BPD/NAR, 21 years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse.  I still feel like the world is going to end, every day.

[kazzak]

Hello FOGs, welcome to the forum. There is a large group of people here who provide peer support for those having someone with a PD in their life. It's a long road, and you are not the only one that has found it to be difficult. I find the support here is one way that I am able to work through my emotions in a healthy way. Also taking care of yourself is important, in my experience.

There are many sub forums that you may find helpful. The Non-PD Dad's forum isn't visited as often as others, so you may find more response to help you along here

Working on Us
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=12.0

Separating & Divorcing
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=8.0

Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=9.0

There is also a lot of resources beyond the forum

http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro/
http://outofthefog.website/traits/
http://outofthefog.website/glossary/

I have experiences with CPTSD, and do believe it is as difficult as you say. I've found it excruciating, and life changing.

There is a sister forum, called Out of the Storm, for CPTSD which is an additional resource here http://www.outofthestorm.website/

In the end, I find the more I take care of myself then the better I feel. At times, I needed professional help, beyond self help, to get unstuck. I think that can be the biggest pitfall with trauma, ime, we can become stuck. Taking a step like joining here is a great step to help keep moving forward. We are always here for you. Thank you for joining in.

[FOGs]

Thank you Kazzak - this is helpful information that I will check out.  I appreciate your time.

[Free2Bme]

Hi FOGs, I experienced a lot of dread as well. I too was married 22 years and divorced a year and a half ago.  Former husband is covert NPD, and was abusive. I have wondered why I cannot seem to shake this dread as I am by nature an outgoing person. I think the dread is due to the fact that nothing is predictable when married to a PD spouse. So we lived with the anticipation of pain and fear.  This developed a pattern of thinking that is hard to break.  Can you put your finger on something specific that you are dreading?  In my case, I can identify certain things i feel dread about. But I also experience a general, nonspecific sense of impending doom, particularly when I am waking up in morning.  I don’t have a solution, but I can sympathize.  I plan to talk with a therapist to try and deal with my sense of dread and will ask to be screened for PTSD. Can you pinpoint a particular time of day or set of circumstances that trigger your feelings of dread? If so, you might be able to avoid things that bring it on.

[openskyblue]

Welcome to OOTF, Fogs. I can very much connect with what you are saying about that feeling of dread. I was married for 22 years to an ASPD husband, whose regular rages, threats, coercion, lies, and manipulation made my life miserable. I’ve had no contact with him for 2 years (now divorced), but that doesn’t mean he’s not in my head regularly. For the first year, sometimes it felt like I’d never stop feeling fear and dread, but it has slowly reduced — and that took a lot of work, learning, etc on my part.

OOTF is a great resource. I think you’ll find many people here who have experienced (and are now struggling with) the flood of feelings and thoughts left behind by marriage to a PD.

[charlie b]

I loved your post Free2Bme.  I believe you are absolutely right.  I was married to BPD/NPD for 20 years.  I've been out of the relationship for almost 3 years.  A person cannot live in that environment without it effecting them to their very core.  Even after leaving, the same feelings of impending doom remains.  I think it helps for me to realize that I have no reason to be depressed.  I have no reason to be angry.  That reason was removed.   Now if I could just figure out how to get rid of the residual emotions.  I liken it to a hurricane blowing through a town.  It leaves a lot of damage in its wake and the people effected by that hurricane are always preparing for/dreading the next one.  My ex and I are no contact.  We have children together so occasionally it is necessary.  I dread it because it is always bad.  It usually takes a week for me to dig myself out of the hole.