update, dad and our "talk"

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Rose1

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Re: update, dad and our "talk"
« Reply #20 on: December 01, 2017, 06:38:00 PM »
Thank you, yes I remarried 7 years ago. Have a great relationship with my daughters and son in law, don't see ex ever.
Still get no emotional support from my mother and as I said, silent treatment but starting not to feel guilty about it. She'll probably want to talk again now I'm getting comfortable. Not sure about relationship with my sister. She's not happy that the care falls on her. I'm not either but I live 1000 miles away and my m has on occasion threatened me and has said how she doesn't trust me. So I'm wary. (I moved away at 17 and the distance was a gut feel, also I like it here). I think a lot of alienation is happening and if you hear it all day you start to believe it. M is trying it with my oldest d as well. Told her that all her fathers problems are my fault. We haven't been together for 20 years but apparently he doesn't have any responsibility for his choices in that time. She still has his photos up in the house despite being given told how inappropriate and disrespectful it is (by others, not me). She hasnt done that with my sisters exh, it's just me. But she's starting to get nasty with my sister too.
She's 90 and doesn't need too much physical support but has used my sister as an emotional garbage dump for years.
I really don't get it. She needs my sister and actually could do with  my help at times too but is prepared to alienate.

I've always just put up with it, second guessing that maybe I didn't understand, it's just mum etc etc but she just keeps getting worse. It's probably a year since we've spoken and 3 since I last saw her.

Still trying to process this stuff. At 63, go figure. I'm basically avoidant and don't want to confront.

At least we understand each other. Hubby gets it (he's a non) Apart from dh ive never really spoken to anyone about this.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2017, 06:41:47 PM by Rose1 »

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Rose1

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Re: update, dad and our "talk"
« Reply #21 on: December 01, 2017, 08:45:40 PM »
You know all4peace, something you said. I think the deep feeling of I'm not worthy is probably what keeps us tied to this - we deserve it or something although we know we don't. I'm not really sure what it is except some deep conditioning. I read somewhere that kids who brought themselves up, emotionally at least, are less likely to ask for help when needed (I don't) and when it's reinforced in your adult life you become very insular and independent which may not be a good thing. But under all that is still the underlying low self esteem