Any other Spiritualists here?

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Widdershins3

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Any other Spiritualists here?
« on: December 03, 2017, 05:04:32 PM »
I'm in a very frustrating and painful marriage with an undiagnosed Narcissist with BPD traits.  I was raised Roman Catholic, but for most of my life I've identified as NeoPagan/Wiccan. Then I did something really stupid: I tried to win my husband's approval by being an agnostic like he is. For 10 years I tried to just not think about all the spiritual experiences I'd had--to put them aside and try to be more like my husband and his friends. It felt awful. I'm not used to lying to myself, but there I was using Denial just as he does :-[

Then on March 30th, 2012, I was riding a transbay bus to San Francisco and saw an honest-to-god ghost. It was a little girl who suddenly seemed to appear beside a woman who looked just like her and had to be her Mom. She looked sad and I smiled at her, as I wondered where she'd been for the past 20 minutes or so. She definitely hadn't boarded the bus since I got on and it was moving at a fine clip with no stops on the long bridge.

She turned and looked right into my eyes. My terribly unhappy marriage has made me empathic and could feel her sadness, which made me wonder what her situation was. The woman she was cuddled up to was probably the best mother I've ever observed on public transit and was always interacting with her son, the little girl's brother. So why was this well-cared-for, nicely dressed child so unhappy?

Then she was just *gone* and the bus hadn't slowed at all. The time lapsed between the look we exchanged and her vanishing was only seconds. I was so stunned that I stood up and made my way to the back of the bus searching for her, but she was no longer on the bus. And that was when I realized that I hadn't seen her mother interact with her at all--not even a glance. I was the only person on that bus who had seen the little girl.

My forced, unauthentic agnosticism evaporated like the little ghost had. I've never been delusional and I knew that it had been a very real interaction between us. IOW, I had just seen a person who had died, but still lived in some sense and was intelligent and aware. Her appearance and disappearance didn't prove the existence of a god to me, but it did prove that life continues after the change we call death.

An old friend, when told my story, took me to a wonderful Spiritualist church in Pacific Heights in San Francisco, where I felt as if I'd finally found my spiritual home. The service consists of a talk on a spiritual topic, followed by 2 mediums giving messages from deceased loved ones to the congregation. I've made the kindest, most caring friends there and, if my worsening marriage fails completely, it will nearly kill me to be forced to move far away from that church for financial reasons.

I have to hide my re-discovered faith from my husband, who is openly contemptuous of religion, so I can only attend services half a dozen times a year when he's out of town. But I feel as though I've finally found the religion of my childhood, when I used to devour 19th century books on Spiritualism in our public library. I'm also now into genealogy and a number of ancestors I've identified have shown up at the services with messages for me, despite my never having told anyone there about my family research.

Is there anyone else here who is a Spiritualist?
I certainly wasn't happy. Happiness has to do with reason, and only reason earns it. What I was given was the thing you can't earn, and can't keep, and often don't even recognize at the time; I mean joy.

Ursula K. LeGuin

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Widdershins3

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Re: Any other Spiritualists here?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2017, 02:30:40 PM »
I guess not. Bummer. But I saw an amazing post yesterday by a medium named Susanne Wilson about interacting with people with anti-social personality disorders:  https://carefreemedium.com/life-without-drama-queens-kings-you-can-do-it/

The reason I post it here is that, if you're a spiritual person living with a personality-disordered person, the constant exhortations to LOVE can become really painful. And way too many of the most influential writers on spirituality just seem to me to be pretending that vicious predators in human form don't exist among us. Try to love one of them unconditionally, and you're likely to end up here on Out of the FOG to find emotional first aid, answers and support :stars:
I certainly wasn't happy. Happiness has to do with reason, and only reason earns it. What I was given was the thing you can't earn, and can't keep, and often don't even recognize at the time; I mean joy.

Ursula K. LeGuin

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Widdershins3

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Re: Any other Spiritualists here?
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2018, 03:40:20 PM »
Too many spiritual gurus also exhort us to FORGIVE our abusers, implying that only a less-than-spiritual person would withhold forgiveness. Not necessarily true in the case of an abuse survivor. And so very re-traumatizing, too. I found an article on the subject this morning here:  https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/should-we-forgive-our-abusers_us_586448e4e4b04d7df167d2ce  and will look for her books.

I certainly wasn't happy. Happiness has to do with reason, and only reason earns it. What I was given was the thing you can't earn, and can't keep, and often don't even recognize at the time; I mean joy.

Ursula K. LeGuin