The waif, the robot, and 15 minute failed job interviews

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Ukifune

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The waif, the robot, and 15 minute failed job interviews
« on: December 09, 2017, 12:58:41 PM »
I’ve been working on the FOG and MC with my family, and am trying to unmesh and move my career forward after health problems.
Interviewing with a waif: switching the goal posts, self-helpless, can't extrapolate, entitled- I see her in 10 seconds and greyrock the fishing for complements and self-effacement, and usually it’s a short conversation. “Oh, you changed it from full-time to part-time and cut the salary by 75%? I don’t think that’ll work for me, but I’m open to hearing how that might lead to opportunities *for me*?” (smile) I’ve just had so many bosses, when confronted with the facts of an impossible schedule and too few resources say a variation of, “Well, I don’t think in terms of time or money, just get it done!" I do not know how to convince waifs that time and money are quantities of exchange in the work force.  :stars:
One of the last waif I temped with- wife of an ex-friend- hired me as a scapegoat, and scapegoated I was, while working at a cut rate trying to get my foot in. Her boss turned out to be a pathological and malicious liar; once she took pictures on a rainy weekend of an unfinished project and mailed them to my boss a week later, when it was sunny, complaining that my project wasn’t done, when it was. There was zero questions about it, and my boss just laughed: “Yeah, she’s a liar. Don’t worry about it.” Someone else in my department went into my locker and was stealing my food- “Oh, that’s weird! You drink the same hard-to-find tea I had my friend bring me from Japan! Where’d you get it?”  I never got my foot in, and those three are still there, tolerating being stolen from and lied about. 
*One more: I recently showed up to meet with a Jane Doe 15 minutes early, and sat outside Jane's closed office watching her play solitare for 35 minutes before I left. wth was that?
The robot is my step dad, and he is incurious and knows that you don’t know anything. Well, he is curious, but not in the sense that he wants to learn,  he’s “just curious” like a paranoid cop, and would like everything explained to him, and you’re on call for that. It’s not, “hey, I wonder who invented the snow globe…” It’s “Why are you wearing those socks?” to be ended with his explanation of how he’s color blind and his mom bought all his socks until he was 30. Umm, yeah. Our last conversation was him asking “Why are you cutting the onion like that? That’s not what I would do it!” I know and he knows he does not know how to cook, or cut an onion, but he’s pretty sure it doesn’t matter how you prep or cook an onion: incorrect.  Recently I started trembling when I was doing laundry, alone, because I’m still ready on some level, from someone to show up needing an explanation of “Whhhhyyyyyeeee?”- knowing the feeling didn't exactly make sense anymore.  To the robot “making conversation” is harassing someone with shallow questions neither of you are interested in. 

The last robot I interviewed with told me in the first 10 seconds that he didn’t think it took me an hour to drive there: it did, that security was high because of recent shooting in the building (comforting), then suggestively said he’d never heard of the Univ of [State] and made a joke about how he didn't know they had schools there  :blink: My potential  future boss literally could not pronounce the words in the job description, and I was out in 14 minutes. He wouldn’t answer questions, and it was probably a big blow off from the jump, but in hindsight the dude had some obvious personality and professional issues. I just reach an impasse, like this lady who kept asking me about schedule management- I use a calendar and  Gantt charts- “Yesss, but how would you remember how to use the calendar?” I don’t know how to explain to someone how calendars work – like, how far back do I have to go?- or assure a neurotic that I can put things in my brain pocket for keepsies. (Can you sense the contempt is juuust under the surface. )
I guess the feeling of guilt is that my high standards and quick ghostings don’t pay the bills. I’m not asking to have the red carpet rolled out for me, but if I get 5 red flags in 30 seconds, it’s like my batteries automatically power down. I’d love to be part of a competent team, in a healthy environment, but my experience as a scapegoat kid who gets to pick up the slack- who can pick up the slack and always has,  has me wondering in a FOG.
Have others had a hard time “unseeing” toxicity in the work place, and transitioning to a healthier situation? I’d gladly accepting money for labor, I'm just not chill about emotional vampires and helpless time eaters.   I feel like I see red flags when I’m trying to be optimistic and learn to respect my (presently non-lucrative) instincts.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2017, 01:58:02 PM by Ukifune »

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clara

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Re: The waif, the robot, and 15 minute failed job interviews
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2017, 12:49:56 PM »
This is a tough one, Ukifune, because so often successful people or people in charge are PDs.  That's how they get their success--they know how to lie, how to manipulate, how to scapegoat etc.  They're professionals at it.  And once you've been burned  by one and realize what happened (as opposed to being in the fog) you really can't turn off your mind when it looks like you're going to be walking into the same situation all over again.  But one of the problems is the possibility of misreading a situation.  Obvious manipulations are obvious, but sometimes a person may just be having an "off" day and it really is an aberration.  Yet you got them on the off day.  How do you know? 

There are indicators you can use, such as what kind of turnover do they have, or what do people outside the organization/department have to say about them.  But to get those, you have to have access to the sources.  It isn't easy and generally works only once you're already in the organization.  But it can still be a plan of action.  If you think it's a job with a future, just play the game, pretend you don't notice what's going on but always keep your distance and awareness, then look for other opportunities within, or make connections with people who might guide you to other employers.  It takes time and effort, and a lot of sucking up, but sometimes that's just what you have to do.  I suppose sometimes the perfect opportunity just comes along, but more often you have to deal with a lot of garbage on your long slog to that something better.  There are a lot of eyes in any large organization, and if you manage to make yourself stand out in some way, you never know who might notice.  Make yourself bigger than the PDs.  Don't show weakness.  Don't let them get to you.  Easier said than done, I know, and I've failed plenty despite knowing better.  I've fallen into their traps and taken their bait.  It's a learning process and not one that happens quickly or easily.  But it does happen. 

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Ukifune

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Re: The waif, the robot, and 15 minute failed job interviews
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2017, 08:13:05 PM »
Thank you for your thoughtful response.