What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!

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2nice

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What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« on: December 15, 2017, 08:24:57 AM »
A selfish one?

Can't believe it. Emailed ex today to determine Xmas visit for boys

Boys are 4 and 6 and still believe in santa.

He said nope. Going to drive interstate to have Xmas with mum and family. Will see boys on 23rd

No rational explanation

Limited flights? No he's driving

Limited time off work? No two weeks off!!!

There is absolutely no reason for this. Apart from selfishness

He could see boys Xmas morning and drive straight after.

I have never experienced such a person

Even my sister said most people fight over seeing their kids Xmas day. Nope not here

I am so mad.

Want to say so much to him.

But don't.

Instead I rang local restaurant bistro. Any bookings left for Xmas day? Oh we just had one cancellation for a small table. Yep lucky last.

Seafood bistro. Champers. Expensive but santa turns up and kids everywhere. Compensating? Hmmm no. It's a special family day and I want to make nice memories in spite of the nightmare

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Whiteheron

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2017, 09:19:29 AM »
Sounds like he wants to go "home" to mom and dad where he can be the center of attention. If he had visited the kids, they would be the center of attention.

 Take it as a good thing - you can have a peaceful relaxing time with your boys. Do the things that make them happy. It will be a special day - you're building memories with them. Stress free memories..well as stress free as it can be with two young ones  ;) View the last minute availability at the Bistro as a sign...it was meant to be. Relax and enjoy.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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Me_Again

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2017, 09:46:54 AM »
I know this feeling of "WTF" quite well.

What type of father doesn't contact his DD on her birthday and/or give her a present when he sees her soon after her birthday? What type of father goes 18 days without seeing DD and not contact her once (he lives about 10 minutes from us). What type of father forgets to pick his DD up for his scheduled visit? What type of father doesn't invite his eldest child (DS26) to a cookout he's having for another child (DS21) but does invite his two nephews (DS26 lives 5 minutes away from his father and was available that day)? What type of father doesn't get any of his children any gifts for Christmas? Heck, what type of father won't get out of bed on Christmas morning to watch his kids discover their presents from Santa?

Document this and the choices that he could've made. Because in subsequent years, expect him to demand that he takes the kids to his parents for Christmas and you wouldn't see them at all. Expect him to play FOTY (stage my uNPDxH is currently in) at some point. My advice is to have it spelled out in your shared parenting plan how holidays and birthdays will be spent. For example, in my plan it's written that uNPDxH has DD14 on Christmas Eve until 9 pm, and then I have her from 9pm until the morning of the 26th.

Enjoy this first peaceful Christmas with your children. You're doing great!

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WesternLover

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2017, 10:53:20 PM »
Hi 2Nice -

Well the silver lining is, in that case with PD, sometimes life is just so much more pleasant when they are not around. They really know how to bring misery to any given situation. The less they are around, the less they damage your children. However, I understand it still hurts your children emotionally in that they feel painfully unwanted. I think it is the lesser evil though than them enduring abuse. Although neglect is definitely a form of abuse  :( Argh! I don't know... I still think it's just better if the PD is not around at all.

I agree with Me_Again though. It's best to get the custody order very well defined and solidified. My son's father went from telling me he wished our son was deformed so I'd have an abortion to suing me for custody. The guy who initially bailed entirely became crazy/possessive and harassed us to the point I had to file a restraining order. Trying to work out our own co-parenting plan outside the court was a total nightmare in the end.

I hope you and your children have a fantastic Christmas anyway!

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mamato3

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2017, 09:42:16 PM »
A selfish one?

Can't believe it. Emailed ex today to determine Xmas visit for boys

Boys are 4 and 6 and still believe in santa.

He said nope. Going to drive interstate to have Xmas with mum and family. Will see boys on 23rd

No rational explanation

Limited flights? No he's driving

Limited time off work? No two weeks off!!!

There is absolutely no reason for this. Apart from selfishness

He could see boys Xmas morning and drive straight after.

I have never experienced such a person

Even my sister said most people fight over seeing their kids Xmas day. Nope not here

I am so mad.

Want to say so much to him.

But don't.

Instead I rang local restaurant bistro. Any bookings left for Xmas day? Oh we just had one cancellation for a small table. Yep lucky last.

Seafood bistro. Champers. Expensive but santa turns up and kids everywhere. Compensating? Hmmm no. It's a special family day and I want to make nice memories in spite of the nightmare

I think you are incredibly fortunate to get to enjoy the holiday with your children without the stress of splitting up the day. Enjoy the magic. Don't be angry. There are moms and dads all over the world who would love to have that chance.

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2nice

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2017, 07:47:38 AM »
Hi. Ur. That does enter my mind. However it's more about my boys having a dad that would put them first.

But yes. I should count my blessings too

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Poison Ivy

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2017, 06:27:57 PM »
My daughters are adults and both live out of state.  The younger one is home now for her winter break, from graduate school.  Her dad, my ex, lives with his elderly parents, for whom he is caregiver.  I know it's difficult for him to take time off.  Usually he just appears at some point, so maybe he will this time, too, but who knows?  It makes me sad that he puts so little effort into keeping ties to our daughters.

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bopper

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2017, 07:52:42 PM »
But consider always keeping in mind...what is in your control?

Being a loving mom to your daughters.
Not bad mouthing your daughter's father.
Not having an issue if your daughters spend time with their father.


What isn't in your control?
His relationship with them
Just because they are incapable of loving you, doesn't mean that you are unlovable.
Anything makes the false self appear real is supply.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #8 on: December 18, 2017, 09:53:34 PM »
I don't bad mouth my daughters' father, I am a good mother, and I make it possible for my daughters and their father to have a relationship, by allowing my ex to stay in my house when the children are visiting. 

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2nice

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Re: What type person would not want to see their child at Xmas???!!
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2017, 05:38:14 AM »
True yes. I am doing that. He leaves tomorrow. Sent me an email saying pick up presents when he's left.

I'm just like ok whatever.