74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal

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74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« on: December 17, 2017, 06:37:22 AM »
Greetings,

Nine days ago, I went down to my mom's apartment to check on her and found her in a full psychotic break. She was sitting on her bedroom floor, dressed all in white, saying that my dead grandmother and her two living brothers were in the room, there was a demon inside her, and she knew there was a way to leave her body and die and that's what her mother and brothers were helping her figure out. During her episode, she threw out all of her medication, some artwork that she felt was evil, and all of her "dream journals" which we now realize are a record of her delusions over the last 30 years.

I took her to the ER and she was hospitalized there for two days, then to a lockdown facility for three days on a 5150, then to a residential treatment facility. During her entire hospitalization, she was very paranoid, believing that other patients were doctors in disguise, the staff was testing her by messing up her neatly made bed, and there was a rapist in the building. Yesterday, after a two night stay, she checked herself out of the residential treatment facility after two nights and went home because she "wanted to sleep in her own bed."

My mother has never been hospitalized that I know of (we lived several hours apart my whole adult life until 5 years ago). But I have always known that something was really wrong. To say that she has been difficult is the understatement of the century. In her mind, she has been on a "spiritual journey" for 30 years, practices transcendental meditation, sees visions and hears spirit guides, knows about all of her past lives, has been abducted by aliens, and on and on. I have often pressed her on these beliefs, but to no end. She has never been open to discussing the veracity or reality of her beliefs and becomes defensive and angry when questioned. She is extremely adept and skilled at covering her illness and presenting as normal most of the time. She can sound very reasonable when she wants to, but lately has had more difficulty containing her symptoms. A week before I found her in a psychotic state, she showed up at my house unannounced and told my husband that she was getting negative psychic energy from my neighbor and that she had to be very careful about bad entities when she was "transitioning" in her meditation. She told him that I said she could talk about these things in my house--which I never said. My husband was totally freaked out.

During her hospitalization, I was very open with the doctors about her symptoms. I wanted to get an accurate diagnosis for her so we could finally get her some help. The chief psychologist at the residential facility said he had never seen anyone score so strongly for schizotypal personality disorder--every box was checked. It was a shock to hear the diagnosis and, yet, not surprising at all. Now I have a name for what was always disturbing, confusing, slippery, unstable, frustrating, traumatizing, unpredictable, hurtful, inappropriate, embarrassing...but there is nothing I can do to help. I have spent my whole life, 47 years, trying to connect with a mother who can't relate emotionally, who changes the story and the truth to suit herself and her idea of herself, who makes everything about herself, who triangulates and manipulates family members, who isolates and loses herself in her delusions. My parents are divorced and I am their only child, so I have been all alone with her madness with no sibling to compare notes with. I have never been able to believe my mother's version of events or to trust her.

When she checked herself out of treatment, we met with her psychologist and I told her that she was not allowed at my house or around my children until she had made significant progress in treatment, where I would be permitted to speak with her team about her care. She agreed to begin intensive outpatient treatment 3 days from now. She also agreed to get a new phone and contact me today, which hasn't happened. Based on what she has told me over the last few years, I believe she has been having psychotic episodes for some time now.

My whole life is flashing before my eyes. I have no idea how I survived my childhood and went on to have a happy marriage and happy children. I am really concerned that she will show up here on  Christmas Day, in spite of my clearly stated boundary. It has happened before. I'm so sick and tired of dealing with this, and being my parent's parent. I have so many stories, so many bad memories associated with what should be the happiest times in my life. I'm really struggling to sort out how to have compassion for her illness and suffering while holding new boundaries. I just can't go on like this anymore. It sounds awful, but I wish she would just go away. She has put me through so much, I don't even know where to start.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I would love to hear from any of you with a schizotypal parent. I feel so alone with all of these experiences. I feel like no one understands what I've been through.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2017, 08:18:57 AM by Spring Butterfly »

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guitarman

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Re: 74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2017, 07:57:11 AM »
Welcome. You are not alone.

My sister is undiagnosed BPD/NPD. Like your mother she has "magical" thinking. I can relate to what you have posted about. I too have been through all the hurt, pain, upset, chaos etc for many, many years. She won't accept she has any mental health isssues and blames all the family for her problems. 

I'm amazed that your mother has been allowed out to go home. I hope she is getting regular after care and continued professional support from mental health professionals. She is clearly a danger to herself and maybe to others.

This must all be so stressful for you and must have been for so many years.

Hopefully now she will be able to get the help and care she really needs. I hope there is support for you as well, other than coming here. You've had such alot to cope with for so long.

Many of us here have been through similar circumstances and continue to go through them.

Best wishes

guitarman
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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practical

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Re: 74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2017, 08:47:06 AM »
Welcome to OOTF!

You have quite a journey behind you. One of the things that might help you when dealing with your M is the 3C's Rule:  "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it." http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/the-3-cs-rule . My M was dxbipolar and uNPD and while her behavior was different from your M's, it had to get so horribly bad, that after she was admitted to a psych ward due to a nervous breakdown, a judge put a hold on her, and finally appointed a guardian. It is a long and hard journey and I'm really sorry what you are dealing with.

If she shows up at Christmas, do you think you could not open the door and call the police for trespassing so they take her away? Or call her psychiatrist, somebody on her treatment team, so they take care of her? We have had members who have done this. Some members even informed the local police beforehand of their family situation, so they wouldn't have a lot of explaining to do in the moment. You certainly don't have to let her in, as she is violating an agreement.

This is all incredibly hard. You may find some help in the Toolbox     and also check out other resources under the Resources tab at the top.

Hope to see you on the boards.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Re: 74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2017, 02:30:56 AM »
Thank you for your replies. It's so good to have a place to go for support and practical advice. I've had horrible anxiety the last few days but am working through it with help. I'm drinking from a firehose in terms of understanding the diagnosis and what it has meant to my life. Things will never be the same for me. I have so much compassion for myself and all that I've been through. I forgive myself for my shortcomings and mistakes. I survived.

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practical

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Re: 74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2017, 10:16:14 AM »
I have so much compassion for myself and all that I've been through. I forgive myself for my shortcomings and mistakes. I survived.
This is so important! Many of us have to learn self-compassion, forgiving ourselves because we were taught it was selfish, we didn't matter. Hold onto your self-compassion, it is going to help you tremendously, and practice good self-care.

When I came here I read anything that was on this website, on the boards and several books, finally I was starting to be able to make sense out of things, and it was so validating, so reassuring. I hope it will have the same effect on you.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Bothar

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Re: 74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2017, 11:59:29 AM »
This is my first post and i wish you the very best  :)

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practical

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Re: 74 year old mother just diagnosed schizotypal
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2017, 12:03:37 PM »
Rose, Welcome!

I hope you share some of you story in a thread of your own whenever you are ready.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)