I'm being disinherited

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openskyblue

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2018, 04:49:19 PM »
Doesn’t it feel sometimes these PDs must have some kind of twitter feed where they just come up with stuff to make others miserable? Argh.

This might seem like an odd question, but do your parents have a will? If they do, would they pay to have it changed? I’ve learned through experience that people can talk big about disinheriting others, but they often never actually get around to doing it. And it can be expensive. Cue up all those reading of the will movie scenes in which mean old grandpa left all his money to his first wife because he never changed the will.

I know this doesn’t address the real emotional hurt of what your FOO says, but thought I’d throw it out there.

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zephyrblue

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2018, 05:18:39 PM »
This might seem like an odd question, but do your parents have a will? If they do, would they pay to have it changed?

enPD?mom paid to have her will changed after uPDfather died.  She may have changed it again last year to disinherit me.  I don't know for sure.

My flea-ridden ex's mother was a raging PD trust fund baby.  I don't know how many times she had her will changed.  One of the last times was to make sure I never saw a penny of anything my ex inherited.  (We weren't married.)  Fine by me.  That woman was seriously toxic, and I wanted nothing to do with her.

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Groundhog Day

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #22 on: February 04, 2018, 03:16:52 AM »
Openskyblue,
Oh yes, M changed her will and removed her children from it. I seen it with my own eyes when she proudly presented me her new will and spit her nasty words of her final revenge. The week prior, she was attention seeking, so she admitted herself to hospital for 3 days without telling anyone. During that time, she had her cell at her bedside and checking who was calling her and worried about her. She loved being there and playing the poor widow and getting attention from nurses and staff. Once she got out of the hospital, she went straight to the lawyer's office and removed her children from her will. She is so proud of her accomplishment, she bragged about wih a big smile to whomever would listen to her sob story of how awful her children are and that is her payback. We tried keeping contact with her but her behaviour got worse towards her us so we all went NC 9 months later.

So yes, NP BPD will prove their point and pay a lawyer to change their will for revenge. They thrive drama and when there's none, they will create some.

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Mintstripes

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #23 on: February 06, 2018, 12:00:34 AM »
Openskyblue,
Oh yes, M changed her will and removed her children from it. I seen it with my own eyes when she proudly presented me her new will and spit her nasty words of her final revenge. The week prior, she was attention seeking, so she admitted herself to hospital for 3 days without telling anyone. During that time, she had her cell at her bedside and checking who was calling her and worried about her. She loved being there and playing the poor widow and getting attention from nurses and staff. Once she got out of the hospital, she went straight to the lawyer's office and removed her children from her will. She is so proud of her accomplishment, she bragged about wih a big smile to whomever would listen to her sob story of how awful her children are and that is her payback. We tried keeping contact with her but her behaviour got worse towards her us so we all went NC 9 months later.

So yes, NP BPD will prove their point and pay a lawyer to change their will for revenge. They thrive drama and when there's none, they will create some.

 :yeahthat:

Yup, they're apparently having their lawyer modify everything.

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openskyblue

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #24 on: February 06, 2018, 01:31:55 PM »
Ugh. I'm so sorry. The last thing you need right now.

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Saywhat

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2018, 03:11:26 PM »
I heard through the grapevine that my narc PD abusive FOO is cutting me out of the will and want everything to be given to my GC narc sibling.
Ha! Hilarious that they think I would even care.

I would loooove if mine would do this! Just so they could see that I couldnt care less.

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HeadAboveWater

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #26 on: February 06, 2018, 04:04:39 PM »
This might seem like an odd question, but do your parents have a will? If they do, would they pay to have it changed? I’ve learned through experience that people can talk big about disinheriting others, but they often never actually get around to doing it. And it can be expensive. Cue up all those reading of the will movie scenes in which mean old grandpa left all his money to his first wife because he never changed the will.

I know this doesn’t address the real emotional hurt of what your FOO says, but thought I’d throw it out there.

We had this experience in my family. My N grandmother was survived by two children, one of whom was my mother. Cutting my mother out of the will was a perennial threat whenever my mother would set boundaries or go minimal contact. While using disinheritance as a threat was incredibly unpleasant when my grandmother was living, we all accepted this as the "cost" of distancing ourselves from her challenging behaviors.

When my grandmother died, I thought nothing of the estate. I assumed I wasn't entitled to anything, so I went on with my life. About nine months later, my mother, sister, and I all received checks from my grandmother's attorney. It was the strangest thing. I don't know if she never changed the will after making her threats or if the threats were empty all along.     

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Mintstripes

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2018, 03:31:34 AM »
Ugh. I'm so sorry. The last thing you need right now.

I know, right. Let's just say I have bigger fish to fry!  :doh:


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Ventingit

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2018, 11:21:39 AM »
Yes, I'm actually in UK where parents can do this.  It's not the same in every country.  Good for you for going your own way.  I hope you are able to get on your feet after the divorce so you are in a safe abd  secure position.  Just a little warning - narcs love to swoop on people just when they're at a weak point and this may be a bit of a vulnerable time for you.  So this is a good time to make plans and day to day make sure all of you ducks are lined up right now. 

From what I've seen when parents cut children out of the will it's out of spite and a desire to hurt 99% of the time.  I should like to see our laws changed so that selfish and manipulative parents do not get the option of behaving like this.  Parents like these usually try and interfere with their children's ability to live independently so that they can hold the purse strings over them indefinitely.  Also you may be able to contest the will - it could be more trouble than it's worth but something to bear in mind.

I think part of the thing about cutting children out of wills is done in a way that maximises the hurt and humiliation for the individual concerned.  This might be a chance to distance yourself so you are not in the way of any unwelcome news.

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Spirit Girl

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #29 on: February 12, 2018, 05:34:16 PM »
You're right Ventingit - narcs swoop in when a person is in a weak state. My unPD m does this to GC grandson using her will as a carrot to keep him in communication with her. Meanwhile all other family members have stopped talking to her.

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JustKathy

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #30 on: February 20, 2018, 08:05:06 PM »
I was disinherited in act of outright revenge. I was NC with my NPD mother at the time she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She immediately had my father draft a new will, disinheriting my brother and myself. It was no shock to me as I have always been the scapegoat, but my brother was the Golden Child. Unfortunately, he committed the crime of marrying someone just like his mother. Two NPD women who clashed at every turn. She gave him the option of divorcing his wife or being disinherited. He chose his wife. My sister, who was sort of a secondary scapegoat, became the sole heir and executor.

After they had the will rewritten, both S and F rubbed my face in it. My sister sent numerous emails gloating about it. My father thought he could have it both ways. He disinherited me, but continued calling and trying to make small talk, expecting me to maintain some kind of relationship with him. I finally confronted him but became so upset I broke down in tears and told him I didn't know what to say to him anymore. I asked him to stop calling me. He actually got angry with me and said:

1. I had no right to be upset because I had hurt my mother, and she had a right to "punish" me.
2. They didn't have any money anyway, so why was I even upset?

I told him I didn't want his money, I wanted his love. There was silence on the other end of the phone. He wasn't able to tell me he loved me. I hung up on him and have not spoken to him since.

My mother died four years ago. After she passed, my father twice had his lawyer send me copies of the new will, which is worded rather maliciously. I also received a copy of their original will that showed an equal split between the three children, to act as proof that I was once included.  These mailings also included letters that I was supposed to sign and return, acknowledging that I understood I was disinherited. I tore them up. Did they actually expect that I would sign my name to that and waste a stamp on it? Even though there is some money in their estate, I don't want any of it. It's dirty money. Sister can have it.

Being disinherited is the most painful thing my N-mother and enabling father have ever done to me. Disinheriting a child sends a clear message of, "I don't love you. I wash my hands of you." It's the last and final "F*ck You."

I hope this act of revenge made my father happy because he's now 85 and is never going to see me again.


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Groundhog Day

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #31 on: February 20, 2018, 11:31:53 PM »
JustKathy,
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I do understand your statement about being disinherited is like : I don't love you, I wash my hands of you. For them it's a last hope of control. Controling your brother into choosing her over his wife. My M tried the same scheme with my 2 brothers. Why keep a relationship with a parent that removed her own children off her will? If there is no love, respect, honor from a mother towards her child then there is nothing left. Time to turn the page and move on.

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Scottyjewel

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #32 on: February 21, 2018, 09:04:55 AM »
My (not really) father had constantly yelled at me that he was taking me out of the will since I was about 9ish.  He started that at about the same time he explained to me that I was too stupid to go to college, so I shouldn't bother to try since I would never make it.  This went on for years, until one day I realized that I just didn't care.  It was a great day when I found out I'm not actually related to him.  I doubt I was actually ever in his will.

My mother, I've just told to spend any money she has on herself.  Leave what's left to my siblings and their children.  The only  thing I wanted her to do she just blew off and I'm done chasing after her trying to get her to put some names to old family photos - I'll just copy them, send them to everyone with a note that says 'tried to get mom to identify the people in the photos, maybe she'll do it for you' and wash my hands of it.




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JustKathy

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #33 on: February 21, 2018, 02:17:25 PM »
Quote
JustKathy,
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I do understand your statement about being disinherited is like : I don't love you, I wash my hands of you. For them it's a last hope of control. Controling your brother into choosing her over his wife. My M tried the same scheme with my 2 brothers. Why keep a relationship with a parent that removed her own children off her will? If there is no love, respect, honor from a mother towards her child then there is nothing left. Time to turn the page and move on.

Thank you, GroundhogDay. I'm so sorry you went through this too. It hurts beyond words, but it hurts a lot less knowing I'm not alone. People who haven't lived in a PD family just don't get it, and often jump to the conclusion that I estranged myself over money. I've been chastised more than once for going NC, even once by a therapist. "How could you, they are your PARENTS." You can't explain it to someone who hasn't lived it. You just can't.  :sadno:

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betta fish

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #34 on: February 21, 2018, 05:51:03 PM »
I guess we should start a club, the disinherited!  For me being disinherited is a way of continuing the dysfunction from beyond the grave. She made my brother promise not to tell me, according to him she smiled as she imagined me being devastated by the surprise at the reading of her will.  Her enjoyment at the thought of hurting me is just  so disgusting.  The sick compulsion to revel at the idea ofcausing a rift between family members just shows how truly broken people with a PD are.  How sad they cannot put that effort in healing and growing.

I refuse to give my UBPDmom what she wants and refuse to play her game. This game I could never win, this game that went on for decades, before I realized the game was rigged against me. I pitty my mom now.
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
― Maya Angelou

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Groundhog Day

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #35 on: February 22, 2018, 01:20:10 AM »
Betta fish, when you talked about a game being played, I just got a flash of the movie Jumanji. Where the players are stuck in the game until there is a winner and the game is over. But, as for my BPD & Nm the game is never over and she has to be the winner at any cost!  :aaauuugh:

Just Kathy; give yourself time to adjust, accept, cry, be angry, disappointed, being hurt, etc. I went through all of those feelings like a roller coaster. Anyone that has never been on this crazy roller coaster ride has no idea what we go through. It is not up to them to judge us. Don't be hard on yourself, if you feel you need to detach from the situation in order to have a healthy and happy life, then this is what it takes. Only you make the call as to continue or to end the contact.

If people think we go NC because of being disinherited well let them think so and then they can take care of M for her money. I had a cousin who thought she could befriend my M and go after her $$. Well she got 6 months of freebies then it backfired and they are going through court now. Sucks to be her but she was worned and thought she could outsmart the PD. M is not done with cousin, hahaha, she's like a dog that bites and won't let go.  Another relative thought she could contain my M and make her snap out of her trance. Took M during Christmas holiday last year and after 3 days had enough and ship her back and now won't speak to M anymore. So to whomever says to you to keep contact with your M, give them her phone number  :groovey:

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Orthocone

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Re: I'm being disinherited
« Reply #36 on: February 22, 2018, 07:37:54 PM »
I think PDs enjoy the suspense of not actually doing it and constantly lording it over people's heads.  "DO THIS OR ELSE!!!"   >:(