I prefer solitude. Is this wrong? I need help.

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SonofThunder

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Re: I prefer solitude. Is this wrong? I need help.
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2018, 12:19:35 PM »
I am a person who loves being alone too.  It fills my heart and body with pleasure.  The quietness. I like to read, enjoy cups of tea, potter around my home.  I have lots of hobbies.  They are all quiet ones!  To me, it is heaven.

I grew up in a chaotic home, was involved in a career dealing with chaotic, loud people.  So now to have this haven is pure joy.

I go along to a club once a week, lasts a couple hours.  That is enough for me. I mix with a nice group of ladies.  It has a start and finish time.  I like that very much. 

For decades I bent myself out of shape being what I thought I ought to be.  No more.
Good for you Lee Jane!  :yeahthat:
Proverbs 17:1
A meal of bread and water in contented peace is better than a banquet spiced with quarrels.

2 Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

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SonofThunder

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Re: I prefer solitude. Is this wrong? I need help.
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2018, 12:29:05 PM »
SOT:  My mom always had those stupid-over-the-top parties.  She still does!   I always thought she had a ton of friends, now I see it was all done for her "audience".  Do you think this is the same for your wife, maybe?  I thought it was so odd, when I used to visit, that she didn't even know her neighbors, or cared to know.  Also, all her friends have -to-have money, or be well-connected.  You mentioned your w saying, "“you looked like you had a good time with everybody....and so I don’t understand why you are so anti-social, did you just pretend all night to be social?”   Oh!  That just brought back a memory...my Mom does the same to me....last time she said, "oh, I saw so-and-so talking to you, and he was laughing a lot.  You must be funny.  Were you pretending'? "
 WHHHAAAAT???  Good grief.  Good for you for staying true to yourself.  I find the most mind boggling issue is they have these parties, pretend they are the greatest thing on earth and the next day, tear most of the people apart. Why talk about people the next day, or ever? 

I like your comment, "un-showful", that is good.

Yes, I am grateful my neighbor was passing by when I was opening my package from my Mother.  I believe there are no coincidences, and I don't know what made me tell her what my Mom sent.  For soooo many years, I tried to figure out what was WRONG with my Mom.  I have spent years in libraries reading on: alcoholism, bipolar, schizophrenia, mean people, munchhausen-by-proxy, anything/everything trying to put a finger on the CRAZY behavior.   I feel the book and my neighbors comment was a blessing. Finally, a direction. So many wasted years.  So, yeah..now I can laugh.  You are so very insightful and I really appreciate everything you have said to me.  Your 1st post made me gasp b/c it was so kind.  I thought, "OH!  I'm really ok just the way I am"?  Seriously!  This is the 1st time I have talked about my experience, so forgive me if I am rambling.  It's been a really REALLY long journey. 


Spirit Girl.  haha about Facebook.  You mentioned, "Someone said once that most conversations are about the past. It seems to strike a chord with me. I'm tired of talking."  OH!  That is so true.  Good observation.  I understand where you are coming from.  I have been searching, reading, watching youtube videos for the past few years.  I feel like I am still healing. I recently told my dh that I feel like I am a whole new/different person....just coming into myself (b/c I am in our computer room alot by myself at night).  Glad you shared that you did the same.  I have learned so much and am in a much better place just by embracing my solitude.  I look at all the people that are always "on".  I think we are blessed to know how wonderful solitude is.  I have learned how to meditate too....I go to yoga classes 3-4x week for my back pain and somewhere along the way, I have found tremendous depth by my practice of these 2 things.  I am also becoming very aware of the people that are "coincidentally" put in my path to help me now.  Have you found this also?  I knit, go to yoga and walk...so, I don't have to talk to people.  hahaha.  I am just not ready.

Riggo yes, what you describe about your mom and the parties is my experience also with my uPDw.  The after-comments as well.  Yes, un-showful, not unsocial.   Just the opposite with my wife. 

Good to see so many others commenting on your thread.  Everyday, the list here of kind and healthy people who enjoy solitude gets larger.  I’m certain there are SO many more here at OOTF.  That must be extremely validating for you.  I’m also glad you are able to look back and laugh. I  Just read a sign on social media that was fitting; it said ‘don’t look back at your past and make you bitter, but better’.  Amen to that; I chalk it all up to experience and try and let it hone me into being the person I want to be. 

We are in good company here.  SoT.

Proverbs 17:1
A meal of bread and water in contented peace is better than a banquet spiced with quarrels.

2 Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

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Obliviot

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Re: I prefer solitude. Is this wrong? I need help.
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2018, 03:46:16 PM »
Riggo199, sorry to chime in late on the note from your mother and the book, that's such a powerful experience to have someone there to show you the truth at a time when someone else was trying so hard to make you believe lies.  Good for you for not sending your mother a mirror in the mail in return. 

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NotFooled

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Re: I prefer solitude. Is this wrong? I need help.
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2018, 04:55:19 PM »
Hi Riggo199,

I'm going through something similar.  I had a very large circle of dysfunctional friends that I was heavily enmeshed with.  Most were diagnosed with mental disorders.  I ignored  the bizarre and toxic behavior over the years.  These were friends of my late husband.  But when my husband passed the boundaries came down and I essentially became their therapist.  When I remarried most gave me the silent treatment or acted incredibly ugly to me and my new H.   It's something I've been dealing with for a couple of years now.  But I think there was several months I basically became a recluse. 

I've recently started making casual friends through former coworkers and work.  Also I've met some really nice people at neighborhood parties.  I'm starting to make new friends but they are not close just casual.  I've rid my fb feed of all the drama queens.  My DH doesn't like it because some of them are his friends as well but I just can't take the craziness and the one-sided friendships anymore.

 I'm much happier now I've taken the casual route.  My advice is take it slow.  Find people you have things in common with and keep it casual.

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Riggo199

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Re: I prefer solitude. Is this wrong? I need help.
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2018, 06:37:12 PM »
Thank you, Kieveen.  I appreciate your post.