Advice for a friend

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CamasFlower

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Advice for a friend
« on: February 02, 2018, 01:04:34 AM »
A friend of mine recently opened up to me about his DV situation.  He tells everyone his scars are from Iraq, but they're really from his wife stabbing him with wine glasses and mirror shards.  When he comes to work with bruises or a split lip he says he got in a bar fight,  but they're from her. He says he called the police but they wanted to arrest HIM, and would have if she hadn't already left.  He has two kids and he's terrified of being an every other weekend dad.  He's right,  she's a stay at home mom and would definately get custody as it stands.  He won't even tell a counselor because the domestic violence laws say they have to report it and after the last incident with the police's he's sure he'd go to jail.  I hate to say that he's right,  but the bias is strong.  I gave him some numbers for good lawyers in our area. Is there anything else I can do?

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Bloomie

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Re: Advice for a friend
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2018, 12:40:35 PM »
CamasFlower - what a horrible situation your friend is in. It must have taken a lot of courage for him to share this with you and for you to hear. He can talk with a domestic violence counselor and get some good advice on how best to proceed and protect himself and his children. There are even online anonymous resources he can reach out to.

Here is a link to some of our emergency resources that you could also share with your friend: http://outofthefog.website/emergency/

Your emotional support and belief in your friend has to mean a great deal!
"You can understand and have compassion for someone and still not want a relationship with them."
Amanda E. White, LPC @therapyforwomen

Bloomie 🌸

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Findingmyvoice

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Re: Advice for a friend
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2018, 04:10:37 PM »
Camas,
Your friend has to take action to keep this from happening.
If he can't leave with the kids then he has to involve the police or child services.

From experience, I know the bias against men.
The first time I called the police after my wife tried to choke me, I was the one removed from the home.
We both ended up being charged with assault.
It prevented me from involving the authorities a second or third time when I should have.

The abuse continued and escalated in an attempt for her to regain control.
The only way that others can help him is if he reaches out.

Keep him accountable.  Keep asking him what he is going to do about it.
Urge him to do something.  Talking to a DV counselor is a great idea.

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Sniperon

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Re: Advice for a friend
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2019, 04:21:55 PM »
I was in similar problem

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Advice for a friend
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2019, 06:59:32 PM »
I was in similar problem
welcome to Out of the FOG Sniperon and we invite you to the welcome mat to introduce yourself and share what PD relationship brings you to this support forum so we can help direct you to the best resources.
« Last Edit: November 05, 2019, 08:38:43 PM by Spring Butterfly »
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is the key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
If others were self observant, introspective, this forum would not exist