Kids saying they miss dad want to see him

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2nice

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Kids saying they miss dad want to see him
« on: February 02, 2018, 07:39:00 PM »
Some of you will know my updates from separating section.

In a nutshell ex has pulled stunts this week including suicide message to me and going to school and kinder and crying as he says goodbye to kids very publicly

Anyway that's a whole other story

Although I know he is 10 mins drive away they think he has gone interstate to get a new job- as he told them

So they saying they miss him. I'm replying with 'it's ok to feel sad. Dad just needed to go and get better and sort his life out'

They can't call him because he gave me his phone. (Which used to be my phone)

So I said they could send him an email. They were excited by this idea. The young one dictated 'dear dad I love you and miss you' and the older one did his own which involved 'I love you' as well as talking about our dog.

So he will get this and I am happy to support them to do this.

They were happier after this. It's weird they accept he is away and they may not see him.


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Liftedfog

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Re: Kids saying they miss dad want to see him
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2018, 09:10:00 PM »
Stay strong and stable for them.  My children haven't seen their dad in 3 years.  Every time they ask its gut wrenching. It doesn't get easier.   I never speak negative if him.  I always say did loves you and misses you.  His brain is sick and won't take his medication. So he is not making good choices.  My kids are thriving. Its got to hurt them but they are coping.

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2nice

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Re: Kids saying they miss dad want to see him
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2018, 05:37:27 AM »
Yep same. I would never corrupt their feelings for them. He answered their email a few hours later. Saying he's working really hard on seeing them soon.

They were really happy and then just went on with their day.

At moment with the family violence order I get full say for 12 months over access. Which is an awesome law. So he not seeing them unless supervised.

Fortunately they happy

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Latchkey

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Re: Kids saying they miss dad want to see him
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2018, 04:45:32 PM »
Sounds like you handled it well.
My older two have not seen their PD dad in 9 years and very very little contact.
I tried hard to not alienate when they were seeing him and be as even as I could be.
It's taken years, and I mean years! For them to tell me things that happened while they were with them.
I know they've endured trauma but am glad I was able to minimize their exposure when he went over the edge & chose not to comply with the courts.
Remember too, he is a constantly moving target of behaviors abd actions and helping them cope with their dads instability as much as they can understand at whatever age will help.
You will never have the same day twice with him and neither will they. If you've ever looked at "radical acceptance" concepts it can help you to guide your kids from black/white thinking and fear.
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
-Mother Jones
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There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou
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When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.

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2nice

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Re: Kids saying they miss dad want to see him
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2018, 08:02:55 AM »
So true yesterday blame today he's calm. They face timed him and sa he had stitches on his head. God knows how.

The four year old was saying 'dad say sorry to mum and make up'

Afterwards I explained daddy hurt mummy and is not allowed to talk to her anymore. It's ok to be sad etc

I always debrief after the call and def hover to monitor. It's always pretty positive. Very surface level.

His access has reduced significantly to only phone with boys but they will want to see him again soon. Cross that bridge when I get there!