How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers

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AdultChildinthefog

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How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers
« on: February 14, 2018, 12:26:50 PM »
This list was from an article I read about empowering your teen child and not enabling them.  However, these points rang so true for me for my own uBPDm and uNd as I have always been the caretaker of all their chaos.  Hope this can also help someone else.

We empower them by getting out of the way.
We allow them to be responsible and grow up.
We step back and stop doing everything for them.
We stop operating out of fear and have faith that they will figure it out.
We allow them to experience natural consequences for their behavior.
We quit rescuing them from the struggles of life.
We focus on living our own lives and finding meaning, passion and purpose separate from them

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blacksheep7

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Re: How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2018, 12:38:24 PM »
 :like:

We allow them to be responsible and grow up.

M didn't even know how to write a check.   NF (deceased) made sure that he controlled everything and left her ignorant.   She still doesn't,  gc b does it all for her.



I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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louisebt

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Re: How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2018, 01:26:14 PM »
We stop operating out of fear and have faith that they will figure it out.
We allow them to experience natural consequences for their behavior.


unfortunately, in my case the natural consequences are likely to be serious accident or death at this point for my uBPDm, and at least extreme self neglect and living in squalor.
I'm really my al-anon stuff about 'let go and let God' at the moment.
Something will get sorted so the situation stabilises, or she will die.
And that's not for me to decide.

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Marisa

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Re: How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2018, 02:32:39 PM »
Yes! Thank you for sharing these.

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Peace Lily

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Re: How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2018, 02:49:54 PM »
This is good advice for all relationships; parents, children, partners and colleagues.  I am coming to the realisation that we are not helping anyone when we take over and do stuff for them. We are taking away their responsibility and even undermining their own confidence. They could end up feeling more helpless and lile they cannot do anything for themselves.  Thanks for this post!
"It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind". Aisha Mirza

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daughterofbpd

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Re: How to empower our PD parents and not be their caretakers
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2018, 03:08:28 PM »
That's a great list. Thank you for sharing. In my case, it would be a good list for my parents to read, especially "We focus on living our own lives and finding meaning, passion and purpose separate from them". They get so concerned about everyone else's' lives that they never tend to their own lives. Then they have nothing else to focus their attention on and its a viscous cycle.
“How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego”
~ Amanda Torroni