Link between empaths & narcassists

[eternallystuck]

Why is it that empaths and narcissists – two diametrically opposed types of people – feel an almost magnetic pull towards each other? There are many theories, but at the heart of it, I believe that it is Life’s way of restoring balance.

A big part of owning this personal power of yours is learning how to identify different types of narcissists. The more conscious you are of them, the more consciously you’ll be able to behave and make decisions in their presence.

Taken fromhttps://lonerwolf.com/empaths-and-narcissists/

I have just been browsing through a few abuse survivor sites  & I found the link above really helpful & validating

I think it spoke so much sense on why empaths & N's attract one another despite them being so opposed. I often forget there are all kinds of N's out there, some more covert than others but they all have their reasons for leeching off an empath. Often Ive told myself this person cant be an N becos they're not aggressive to me, they are fairly kind etc ...when in reality they are subtle at getting their own way, guilt tripping me & using/discarded me it suits....I am just comparing them to the more overt N's & playing it down. I think its important to remember that if we haven't had particularly good experiences with people, we sometimes overlook the abuse in new people, cos its maybe not as harsh or apparent as the full blown version we've experienced with foo or other N's. But within time, if we ignore / tolerate these signs...it does tend to develop into a dynamic and amplify!

It breaks down the main types of N's us empaths attract as follows:

Main 2 types:
Vulnerable Narcissists (VN’s)
These people are generally very sensitive and tend to be quiet or shy by nature. Yet to disguise their chronic feelings of self-hatred and unworthiness, VN’s overcompensate by putting on a grandiose mask, seeking to merge their identities with other idealized people. VN’s have an unshakeable need to feel special about themselves and have little genuine regard for the feelings of others. VN’s are primarily motivated by fear of rejection and abandonment, thus don’t have the capacity to authentically love and care for others. Additionally,  VN’s use emotional manipulation (such as shaming, guilt-tripping and gaslighting) to secure sympathy and attention from others. Their lives are fuelled by inferiority complexes which often stem from childhood mistreatment.

Invulnerable Narcissists (IN’s)
These people reflect the traditional image of the narcissist: that of a highly self-confident person, cold and unempathetic person. IN’s, unlike VN’s, are thick-skinned and shamelessly seek for power, glory, recognition and pleasure. IN’s often suffer from god complexes, believing themselves to be far superior to everyone else – and they have a pathological need to make that known. This is where my GC is heading-utterly believes she is above everyone she meets becos she doesn't get bad grades 

Both types share similar traits such as using others to fuel their narcissistic delusions, blaming and criticizing, lack of empathy, unfaithfulness and the need for power.

Subtypes
Both Vulnerable and Invulnerable Narcissistic personality types can be split down into the following (unofficial) subtypes. Be aware that many of these subtypes can overlap with each other:

The Amorous Narcissist
Amorous Narcissists measure their self-worth and grandiosity by how many sexual conquests they have under their belt. This type of person is known for using his/her charm to ensnare others with flattery and gifts, but then quickly disposing of them once they become “boring” and when they have met the narcissists needs (often sexual or image/status orientated)

- Definitely met a few of these in my time  I'd say dating sites are rife with them. Swipe, swipe ego boost! It is much easier for N's to satisfy their needs nowadays becos they can access a much wider pool than ever b4 with barely any effort, which is bound to include a number of single empaths they can prey on. Better yet they can juggle more than 1 at the same time to make sure their ego isn't bruised. I recently had a run in with one of these and noticed fairly soon on- but they lovebombed in the beginning, fawning over our potential future& quickly disengaged, got bored, disrespectful & gaslighted when they got what they wanted. They came out with the typical N male responses like 'you're crazy', 'you've got it all wrong!' when I confronted them with flirting with the girl who set us up- Later turned out they had a casual history & got off on that sort of thing- the forbidden apple etc. It was obv to me this dude was needing to spice things up/pump his ego by creating some kind of rivalry between us. Obviously I wasnt game& cut ties but I find I attract these troubleseeking sorts of N's when I'm feeling very low so I'm going to be super cautious when dating through a rough period,


The Compensatory Narcissist
Driven to compensate for past traumas, Compensatory Narcissists love creating larger-than-life illusions of themselves and their achievements. In order to regain power and control over their lives, this type of narcissist usually hunts out emotionally vulnerable people who will serve as the audience to their fabricated stage acts. In reality, this type of narcissist is extremely sensitive to criticism and will frequently look out for negative self-directed cues from others. Emotional abuse and manipulation is a common method of control used by this type.   

Had a flatmate like this, always took offence to anything, when really they were insecure about themselves & constantly comparing themselves. Pretty convinced my uncles wife was this type too


The Elitist Narcissist
This breed of person does anything to climb to the “top,” win and completely dominate others. Elitist narcissists are convinced that they are better than everyone else often due to their achievements or backgrounds (or simply the fact that they were born that way) and thus deserve special treatment. Their sense of entitlement bleeds into every area of life, from work to the family environment. Harboring a severely inflated self-image, Elitist narcissists are skilled self-promoters, braggers, and one-uppers. They have a cut-throat need to be the “best” and prove themselves to be intellectually superior all the time and at all costs

My GC sibling to the T- she will do anything to get a foot forward. She has no fixed self or identity- her character morphs according to how useful she views people to her. You are quickly discarded after the use. Constantly belittles others in public but is v insecure behind closed doors. Carries the air of a genius with royal status, just because she gets fairly decent grades. Has no grip on the fact that grades don't make you a nice person or 'life smart'. She gets the grade, THUS she is superior/godlike & always knows better. Everything is a competition or opportunity for her to assert her 'intelligence and expertise' over you. I actually find this kind the most amusin :tongue2:g because you could be asking where the bread is and they'll somehow butt in  oozing about the benefits of x y z bread and how their friend owns a successful bread company. Everything is look at me, I am important

The Malignant Narcissist
The behavior of malignant narcissists often overlaps with that of psychopaths and those with antisocial personality disorder. Malignant narcissists often have no regard or interest in moral vs. immoral behavior and don’t feel remorse for their actions. This subgroup is characterized by an arrogant and inflated sense of self-worth that delights in “outsmarting” others. This type of narcissist can often be found in prisons, gangs, and drug rehabilitation centers, although many manage to run afoul of the law.

Genuinely concerns me NPD shares a lot in common with this type- although she is not a 7ft bald criminal- definitely revels & gets supply in outsmarting and overpowering, subtle cheap calculated shots and being uptight- very hardfaced/ self justified & won't lose any sleep about sabotaging your life. Believe her coldness is a source of dominance/power/importance for her. I do believe some of her behaviour steps into the psychopath/sociopath realm, especially when it came to violent punishments as a child & her longterm fixation on smearing me- I am always learning of new people she has done this to-its like a viral germ or something. As a child I would call her schizophrenic becos I genuinely believed she was, she heard ATTACK in every word I uttered to her